for all the times
you threw me out,
i think i've finally landed
on my own two feet
my ankle could be sprained though
and i think my knees are bruised
from begging you so many **** times to just
stay

too many times did i dry your tears with my own
only to be backhanded with an abundance of silence and indifference

i made you a mountain out of all i could pour out to you,
and yet you never bothered to climb it to see the beautiful sunrise up there waiting for you
because you made me feel like a new day

but now the sun is setting
and your face is silhouetted by the shadows
there's no moon tonight;
only the stars that watched us
come together
and fall a p a r t

and for all the times
you let me break,
i think i've finally put myself back together
my hands are shaky though
and i think they're deeply cut
but maybe you'll look at them
and you'll see the damage
you inflicted on my heart

*at least i'm not crumpled up on the floor anymore

when it rains diamonds on jupiter,
i can see you smiling from a million miles away
the stars seem to be aligned,
and i think those might be the diamonds we always talked about;
the ones in your eyes,
twinkling like those that rain on saturn
you are born from the universe and the planets themselves
and one day,
i hope you return home to it all
only then will you know that you are far more significant than the simply complex body you were given for your soul to temporarily inhabit
because when it rains diamonds,
*the skies are crying for you

there are things i wish i couldn't see;
like my mother crying until she's empty and left staring at the wall
or an animal lying by the side of the road, its life draining as steadily as the cars that pass by

and there are things i wish i couldn't hear;
the sound of my bones breaking,
trying to climb this mountain of attempting to be okay
only to tumble back down
or the deafening silence after asking a question you know the answer to,
but just wasn't prepared for

there are things i wish i couldn't sense

but i saw you
and i remembered all the things i wanted to see;
the type of sunset filled with oranges and yellows and blues and pinks and purples
the type that makes you feel like you're the only one witnessing it
or someone reaching the top of their mountain
knowing that things can only get better from here

and i heard you
and i remembered all the things i wanted to hear;
the sound of rain washing across my roof like white noise
or listening to a song for the first time and suddenly knowing it's my favorite

but you?

the moment i touched you,
i knew you were everything i heard and saw all wrapped up into one

a beautiful mind

just once i want to be able to be comfortable with the fact that it happened. i saw stars in your eyes and all i wanted was for galaxies to form between us. but those stars exploded into a million supernovas that burned so bright so quickly and have since burnt out into nothing, and the galaxies have all caved in on one another. i'm so uncomfortable with the sudden darkness and i want to be okay with starting over. i want to see stars in my own eyes. i want to feel them within me. and i want to burn bright on my own. just once.

my eyes are so heavy. i thought i saw light, but there was so much darkness and i was choking on dirt and there were weeds in my lungs and i couldn't breathe. i clawed at my throat and i could hear someone screaming. i thought it was me, until i looked up with hazy vision and realized it was you, yelling that you never loved me. but it turned into a dull whisper. and so i felt myself falling back under.

is this what a bruised heart feels like?
*or is my head pounding so hard and my chest tried to take the beating?

last night;
you told me to *******
but i got so attached
i didn't know how
you left so many bruises on my body,
now i can connect them
like stars to make new constellations
my own universe
right on the surface of my skin
i'm a walking astronomy project

last night;
i found a constellation out of your anger
and it looked like a heart
a misshapen, ugly heart
and i thought,
how ironic
there's your signature,
in all its black and blue glory
and thanks to you,
i realize how bright i shine
with your heart on my sleeve

stop making permanent homes out of temporary people
their foundation will always be shaky
and they can leave at any time
no eviction notice
nothing
and the vacancy will make you feel more alone than ever