it feels like a lifetime
but even that wouldn't be able to make up for the short months i spent kindling the fire in your eyes
but our love was so bright and the brightest flames always burn out the fastest
now my heart is a pile of ashes
i wonder if yours is still burning

i think we were both so high on the idea of finally having someone to combat the lonely nights that neither of us realized that maybe we weren't as in love as we thought
i loved the idea of you, the idea of being in love
you loved the idea of not being alone
so we settled and disguised our insecurities as "true love"
i thought i had fallen for you
but now i know that i never even leapt in the first place

i used to be filled with so much envy
in some ways, i still am
i would wish to be anyone but me
in some ways, i still do
but i've realized that the person you so achingly want to be just like
is actually wishing so badly to like someone else,
and so on
i've realized we all spend so much energy yearning for the things we are not instead of appreciating the things we already are
there's nothing wrong with wanting to be a better person,
but you cannot be a better person until you learn to love what you are instead of loving what you are not

every time i tried to be kind and said the things i wished someone had said to me,
i ended up being ignored,
taken advantage of,
or somehow ended up not helping at all
i didn't know which of the three was worse
then i decided they all were
maybe that's why i grew up to be so cold

one day, you're going to meet someone
and when you look at them,
you'll be overcome with security and you'll suddenly forget what it's like to feel alone
you'll look at them and everything in your head will go quiet except their name
that's how you know you're in love

my psychology teacher asked us to close our eyes
i saw nothing
he told us he was now going to say a word,
and for us to think about the first thing that came to mind
"love"
you
i saw you

i am afraid of being afraid
i don't want to be scared
of myself
of others
of chances to be alive
i'm afraid of not living, just surviving
and that scares me more than dying
because when i die,
i want to have left behind a life well lived
i want people to remember me as the girl who looked fear dead in the eyes and didn't even blink
the girl who moved mountains before she climbed them
i am afraid of shallow living
the depths do not bother me
because that's where it is the most beautiful
that is what makes life worth it
we don't get a second chance at this
so why are we so afraid of placing one foot in front of the other?
there's always things to be gained and there's always things to be lost
but we can't let our losses keep us from new gains
the sooner i stop being afraid,
the sooner i'll start breathing
i want to make something of myself
but i'll be ****** if i let fear be apart of that