i swear to you
i will adore you up close
and i will adore you from afar
if my arms could outstretch the miles,
i'd never have to feel empty again
because you are the most lovely collection of millions upon millions of atoms that i have ever seen
i would kiss every single inch of you until my lips ached
i would trace my finger softly along your skin just so you could feel me in the softest way
and i would listen to your laughter fill up the room
along with my heart
you are the last breath of air that rush into my lungs before i go under
you are the last drop of daylight as the sun disappears behind the horizon
you are every good thing that resonates long after it's gone,
leaving me with a deep sense of security and infatuation
you are everything i have ever stayed up late crying for
you are everything i had hoped you would be
you are everything i love and will continue to love
and now i never have to wonder what it's like to feel so alone ever again
all because of you
and that's all i've ever wanted

you are not numb
you are just afraid of feeling
it's okay
your hairline fractures are only a magnified flaw
you are greater than your broken parts
and you are not as damaged as you think you are
you still have so much left to give
i promise

you are fixed on the idea that love will heal you; put your broken pieces back together
and that if you don't find a soul
whose thoughts are compatible with yours,
you waste your heart on someone else,
and wonder why you weren't good enough
and that's what's gonna ******* up

can't get you out of my head
please take me back to your bed
you're in my heart and that's where it hurts
i can still smell you on all of my shirts
i don't listen to any of our favorite bands
and i set fire to my hands
because they could touch you in places my words could not
like your ribcage where your lungs are set to rot
from all the smoke we inhaled that night
i looked over at you and my chest felt tight
but now i'm there and you're here
and i swear to god i can still hear you in my ear
"i love you so
please don't go
please don't go"

i was a rundown house
with missing shutters and a shaky foundation
broken windows and a kicked in door
then you came along
those blue eyes making me want to crumble into myself in a heap of butterflies and sweaty palms
but i stood there before you
your hands did nothing
because to you, i was perfect the way i was
the way i came to you
it was your words that held me up more than i ever could
they were sweet nothings
but they were the farthest from nothing
for they meant everything to me
i let you in and i was yours
vacancy and all
i promised i'd protect you with all i had
and you promised that you'd never abandon me

but then you got used to me
and you thought i needed fixing
because my current state was not enough for you
so you up and left
no notice
no note
and god, did my beams threaten to break
my heart wanted to fall through the creaky floorboards and shatter
just like those windows you told me were beautiful in a haunting way
but now you're haunting me
and it's not beautiful
i nearly fell apart into a pile of rubble in an empty lot

but i knew i was worth more than any ******* resident
i won't lean on you
on anyone
as cracked as they may be,
my bones are the only foundation i need
keep your tools
i may be broken,
but i don't need fixing
because the weather may have worn me down,
but that shows i have the strength to remain standing even after the roughest of storms
after you
and ******* it,
that's enough
for me

i depend too much on love
i depend too much on someone else to pick up my pieces and put me back together, only for them to leave as soon as they came, leaving me more broken than before
it's like i'm taking one step forward and two steps back
i don't know why i still try
i don't know why i'm still even here
i should've given up a long time ago
these feelings remind that i am indeed feeling and that i am alive but these feelings are the sole reason why i don't want to be alive
it's a vicious cycle that i never asked to start
i'd like everything to stop, please

sometimes you'll crumble
and take mountains with you
you'll scream until you're out of breath
and hurt yourself on the glass you broke
and i'll break my finger
from how hard i pulled the trigger
i'll cry until i puke
and my guts will heave
my hands will shake
and yours will crack
my eyes will burn
and yours will shut
you'll shrivel up
and i'll bleed
my wrists will hold onto cold metal
and you'll stitch me up with your words
i'll tell you i love you with my lips
but you'll pierce my chest with silence

and i'll apologize for getting blood on your shirt