i don't want to pretend
everything's not spinning
because i'm dizzy
or is the room
just not where i want it to be?
maybe i'll build an hourglass
with my hands
and watch it shatter
maybe i'll pick up the lost time
and let it pierce my skin
because i don't want to pretend
that i'm not bleeding
i don't want to pretend
that my veins aren't running pale
i won't

your mouth is a barricade
of wooden slats
on the front door
but your eyes are stain glass windows
that you wouldn't be able to miss
even in the biggest storm
so when you say
"i'm okay"
your mouth may be prominent
and the wood may be sturdy
but your pupils are dilated
and the windows just shattered

if i had a flower
for every time
you crossed my mind
i'd have one simple
(yet the most beautiful)
flower
because you never really
left

i want to breathe you in
and keep you in my lungs
but i can't even look at you
let alone take the time
to choke on the cold vapor
that is disguised as your words

i've been told
that the stars
and the galaxies
are made up of
us
i've been told
that we
are made up of
the stars
and the galaxies
and i've been told
that when we die
we go back into
the universe
then it hit me
and it all made sense
you said you were going away
you said i wouldn't see you again
for a very long time
and you said
that you were going back into the universe
then it hit me
when i found you
lying on the floor
with the stars
and the galaxies
forced out into a puddle around you
*and it all made sense

i am so sick and tired
of waiting for
someone
to bring me
flowers
i think it's about time
i planted them
myself

and if there comes a time
when i let someone in
and they pick my flowers,
leaving behind nothing
but broken stems,
i will grow them again
but this time
i'll make sure
they are bigger
taller
brighter
stronger

and there will be a time
where someone comes along
and sees my flowers
and they will not pick them,
but find my flowers
far too beautiful
to take them from me

i clawed you out of my skin
and all that's left are red marks
and what could've been
but never was