my head spins
a euphoric feeling
brought on by only you
the way your smile curls up
at the corner of "i love you"
your deep eyes,
synonymous with the universe
endless and twinkling and piercing
your lips that speak volumes
even when i can't seem to hear
anything but the mess in my head
the way your hand traces
its own love language across my body
creating tiny little storms of electricity
right beneath my skin
how your intellect lights a fire underneath me,
the flames flicking at my soul

i can only hope
to build a grand enough foundation
to support the profoundness i call "us"
as we move forward
and i can only hope
it will not only survive the storm
but reach into the eye and destroy it
because in you,
i see a future
that is bright
like a supernova in our backyard
and in you,
i see what a young girl
stayed up late at night
crying for,
hoping that one day
all this heartache will be a distant memory

and even if you can't see it,
even if your eyes are in gray scale,
my love for you is a collection
of reds and yellows and oranges and pinks
i bleed sunsets and sunrises when i am with you
you are bright
you are colorful
you an abundance of tomorrow's that i now want to see
you are all of my tomorrow's

you came along
ran your hand down my spine
like a match
and ignited a fire so bright
i blinded myself
to what i should have seen coming
the lick of the flames kept us warm
and the fumes made me
euphorically dizzy
but we fizzled out
before i could catch my breath
you stopped supplying me
with the oxygen i needed
to keep the fire raging
my heart is a pile of ashes now
and the nights are colder
without you
i'm still waiting to rise up out of the dimly lit embers
sitting inside of my chest
but right now
i'm choking on the smoke

i hope you see
how badly you burned me

i still feel broken down
like a road less traveled by
but one that still has cracks
and weeds growing
from under the concrete

and there is a storm in the distance
i can feel it beckoning me
into its cold yet harboring embrace
i feel at peace here,
standing on the precipice of
what i know will haunt me
but wanting so achingly to fall into

this stretch of familiarity
goes on for miles
i almost cannot see the end
but maybe that is just my eyes
playing tricks on me
alluring me until i am ridden
with paralyzation;
until i am a statue,
reminding those of what used to be

this road may never be re-paved again,
the storm might threaten to destroy all that i have,
and i might be tempted to chip away at myself

at least i am still standing

i will stitch myself up
like a thousand kisses
to a bullet heart
that pierced my lungs
i will learn to forgive
and i will learn to
make mistakes
and grow from them
i will take my scarred skin
and lie on a thousand petals
so i will feel
as lovely as i know i should
there is nothing wrong
with starting over
and growing again
i will plant myself
on new soil
so i can take in
a different perspective
and it's okay to crumble
but that shouldn't
make you
who you are
you are more than that
you a thousand leagues more
than that

there’s a sort of familiarity
about my sadness
like an old flame
who lights you up
every now and then
knowing you two shouldn’t
but do anyway
and you’re left more burnt
than before
but the fire is a sort of comfort
because that’s what you’ve known
for so long
and you hate feeling like
your whole foundation
is being turned to ashes
blown away into a tomorrow
that you never quite want to see
but the embers rage for so long
they start to feel cold
so you don’t know what to do
when it is all extinguished
except wonder why
you let yourself feel this way
in the first place

why is it
that i feel like crumbling
in a room full of people?
why is it
that i don't see anyone's eyes
flicker like a supernova
when they see me?
why is it that i can build people up
so they can see the sky
go on for miles on end,
but i tear myself down
until i am inside the earth
feeling its breaths in sync
with my own?
i want to feel as bright
and as big as the sun
but i keep caving in on myself
i'm so tired
of looking at myself
and seeing nothing
but sadness buried in my bones
i want existing to stop feeling so heavy
i want to feel alive again
without wondering what the catch is
why is that
so much to ask?

i could live without you,
but that is something that would be hard to achieve
as if i wanted to succeed in something like forgetting about you
because you run laps around my head,
to the point where my brain has to stop you
just so your legs don't give out

i always told myself to not allow another human to become my happiness
but you make my heart so bright
kind of like i swallowed yellow paint,
but without all the toxic side effects

i was in a rut for awhile
but your touch made all the good come back to me
like it never left
and i felt okay on my own
but you made my okay burst into a thousand great's

and that's more than enough
you are more than enough