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Cassie Sep 2018
alcohol
it's the devil
i swear upon my own future grave

it whispers in your ear like sin
(perhaps that's because that is it's other name)

it tells you
"i'll make you forget about what ails you, off to sleep I'll sail you"
but restless waking and sleep i'll give you, it forgets to mention

but maybe it didn't lie,
you just refused to remember it

or perhaps you did, but it was worth the temporary renderment

after night upon night of retching it's poision, the thoughts flooding back from your stomach
you remember, you always come back to your footing
and each step is little more painful than it was the night before, and you can't seem to get used to it

but please, you must remember, you must avoid the temptation,

you can overcome anything
you have overcome everything
you thought you never could
thus far

you have come this far

refuse, refuse to let alcohol, or anything else, become your end

(be it physically or emotionally)

you are worth the mending
and like a muscle
each time you exercise the discomfort
(in these terms of loving yourself, in refusing numbing these feelings, which you must remember, are a part of yourself)

it will hurt less

it will become easier

it will be worth it.
Cassie Sep 2018
I want to peel back
The layers of myself I've let callous over
For you
For you only
But even though they're not supposed to hurt anymore
They scream upon the feeling of my fingers tearing
Or maybe it's the new skin
Afraid to be exposed

Either way
I love you
And I am so sorry
For being so sensitive
For being so tough
Cassie Sep 2018
I will lick my own wounds, but thank you
nobody else has seemed to get a handle of it

I lick until there's no blood left
Then some
Then some more
Until I'm bleeding again

I don't know why but,
Sometimes when I get a cut
I crave the taste of blood
For some reason, the only way I deal with things is on my own (until I've been stuck in my head for so many days and I break down and let someone else in). I think it's caused more harm than good to be honest.

Also, for some reason when I find myself in a bad spot mentally, I sometimes can't help but spin/wallow in it. It feels like a part of me that I've been trying to hide, so I sort of give in and listen to sad/moody music and poetry and whatnot. And then I'll end up getting emotional over the songs/words on top of already feeling emotional/down. Just something weird I do (and I feel like a lot of others do too).
Cassie Sep 2018
He asked her
"Do you think maybe you depend on me too much?"
And she replied, quicker than she could have even had a thought
"No!"
But she did so
Knowing he may very well leave or pull away had she said yes
And that,
Would be too much for her to bear
Cassie Aug 2018
why do we stay
for people who would not do the same
if we did what they were doing to us
to them?
Cassie Aug 2018
She was a poet and he didn't even know it
She didn't share, she was scared he wouldn't care
and she'd be left broken

He had a heart but he was too afraid to show it
He didn't share, he was scared one day she wouldn't be there
and he'd be left broken

They thought they were protecting themselves in their shells but really, they were only tearing themselves and each other apart.

The human heart, at least sometimes, has a funny way trying to help but ultimately sabotaging itself.
Cassie Aug 2018
You hate me,
don't you?
and I'm not pretty enough
to fight for,
I know
I'm sorry I could never be what you deserve

and maybe the saddest part
is that I could have been
if only I pushed myself harder

but then my face would be pressed so far into the ground
my bones would have broken
flesh would have peeled from my face

where
is the in-between
I've never lived it
But I know that,
That is where I would thrive

I dream of it,

It waltzes on my lips, between the folds of my never tired brain

And that place, I fear more than anything, is the one state
I'll never have the gas to get to
The worst part is this is all in my head. The person had never really done or said anything to make me feel this way. It's just my own feelings of inadequacy.

Thinking more about it though, I wrote this about a current relationship, but the feelings were definitely old fears sparked by a past relationship (my first and longest to date).
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