I have found happiness in solitude
The more I love myself, the less I love you
I anxiously await your return from work
Only have my heart lurch up my throat as the world, so you perceive, spits on you
I've spent too much of my time
My money
My positive energy
Myself
On you
Only for you to realize that
Nobody will love you the way that I do
You've changed your ways
It's far too late
But I can't let go
You told me if I did we would have wasted our youth
At times I feel I already have
What do I have to lose

please stay shallow
so that i may tell myself that
you are just a pretty face
so that i may stop myself from
peering into your soul
and finding something worth my stay

i like you a lot
like maybe more than mary jane..
and she's my main
***** because when I'm with her
I can't remember the definition of the word ******
but I'm nervous for this fervor you stir in me
when i laugh with you i don't need ****
and that's crazy coming from
miss wake and bake
lunch break light up
dinner doobie
and don't forget the late night blunt ride
but you make me feel so high
my cheeks hurt and my stomach bursts
with butterflies sometimes i forget to eat
because I'm too busy staring into your baby blue eyes
my heart dances in my chest even worse than when i have anxiety
but it's different
i gave you my heart on a silver platter
but pulled it away the second i had a hint you may not deserve it
and that made both of us feel worse than
when your **** shattered

I wish I still believed that you were the best
I wish that we still walked to the elementary school playground
Where we would lay tongue in mouth for hours or
Make our way past the brook in the woods
Strip off our sticky clothes on top of your Marlboro sleeping bag
And become one beneath the canopy of green leaves
Red elbows and knees, flushed cheeks
You'd light my cigarette after and we'd sit by the stream
I wish that we would walk out from those woods
And see a little chipmunk
He would put his two paws on my hands, **** his head and look into my eyes
He'd bite you when you tried, mountain man
And I'd laugh my *** off again
I wish that you would walk me to school every day you had off
And make the other girls jealous
When you'd kiss me goodbye and say "I love you. See you after."
I wish that I felt the way I did for you towards then, now
I want all of these things, just no longer from you
I had zero warning before this change in view
It disgusts me
I need to need you
Otherwise
Who the hell am I?

I have a little brother
A complicated soul a few years below
Stubborn, competive, stone cold
His eyes burn with the intent of ******
Lips twist into an irreversible pout for the smallest of reasons
He scares me
We're both quiet
So I don't know what to say
I've never even asked him "how are you? how's your day?"
Because I would get little to no response
That's where the conversation would end
I've never been one to start them
I fear my own awkwardness
I'm sorry little brother

nobody gives a ****
about poetry
or books
charles bukowski
or siddhartha
nobody gives a ****
about the universe
or extra terrestrials
carl sagan
or that we are stardust
nobody gives a ****
about Led Zeppelin
or Pink Floyd
Joni Mitchell
or Nirvana
nobody gives a ****
except for me