Cassie

Cassie May 2023

Sometimes it feels safer to stay where you know the eggshells are because, well, at least you know where they are
And if you line your ducks up just right
You might make it out the door and onto the other side for a little while

And some days the other side seems like a place where I may not have to tip toe anymore

But on others the other side is most likely riddled with invisible eggshells

What if they're sharper than the ones I've become used to, what if I ****** up my feet irreparably?

What if, what if what if

****** or not

I'm taking off running💜

Cassie Oct 2021

Untitled

There's a special place in my heart for people like you

The one that makes me not trust genuinely nice people

The one that makes me feel like I will never be good enough

The one that makes me feel undeserving of love

Cassie Oct 2021

Untitled

You called me **** drunk again and asked me if I ever thought maybe I'd died and this was the afterlife

I said no

Not because I was done with your "pseudo-deep" questions and theories

Like you telling me how hard it is to be an empath after you got done ******* on me

But because I didn't want to tell you what I really thought

If there is an afterlife, you'd think it'd be kind of fair at least. I've done nothing to deserve this level of hell.

The level of hell you cornered me into.

Cassie Aug 2021

to all of my people

Knock knock,
Is anybody home?

Yes, but the doors are locked and the curtains are drawn

You beg me to unlock a window, a door, anything

I've begged myself too

Racked my brain trying to remember how I last found my way to you, bloodied my hands attempting to break my way through

I can just never seem to find a doorway when I most need it

I promise I will let you in when I do

And I hope you understand this is just as painful and frustrating for me as it is for you

I love you💜
I pray you can see it💜

Very bad anxiety, like social anxiety, is making it hard for me to talk to and spend time with people I love right now. I just can't focus and overanalyze what I say. Trying not to get down. I'll be back to myself again soon💜

Cassie Jul 2021

after 6 years of wondering if I'm good enough for someone else, I'm released.

I want to be chosen

Not by default

I don't want to be your only option

Because it makes me feel like you love me less for who I am

And more for the empty space I fill in your heart

I don't trust that I am your top choice

Honestly you've proven to me many times that I'm not, I just refused to admit it

But now I will.

I choose myself.

I don't need you to.

Cassie Jun 2021

Untitled

Maybe I can be the girl you want me to be

If I always get a chance to fall asleep after you so I get a chance to cry and comfort myself if I need to

If you look away long enough for me to sneak a chill pill

If you can accept my tenseness because I'm too afraid to shake in front of you

If you can take me slowly changing, losing my kindness and softness

To cater to your calloused heart

And probably, all of this would still not be enough

I left 2 days ago because this relationship was eating me up, at least the way it was going, but I'm absolutely ******* heartbroken. I can't stop sobbing and thinking I was wrong or too sensitive. I told him what would hurt me and he would say I'm too sensitive, or say he had every right to be frustrated at me, but I was working my **** off to make sure he's okay and happy. And then he'd lash out on me when he was stressed. And somehow would make it seem like if only I did "x" he wouldn't be as stressed. But even when I get that thing accomplished, it's onto the next issue with me. I feel not good enough a lot of the time when I'm with him. I wish my heart understood this is what I need to do.

Cassie Jun 2021

Untitled

Are you the enemy
Dressed in sheep's clothing

Or just a scared sheep baring its teeth
That my eyes mistook for a wolf

I don't know

I don't know