Carson Elliott

Carson Elliott May 2019

The monster has a grip on you like a fiendish dog that ravished a piece of feral meat
Gripping all of you, holding tightly to your soul
The things you say, the things you do are actions not from self,
but like a puppet you obey
Twisting, turning and moulding you into something rather dark
the puppet master make you say, the puppet master make you do, but none of these that make you you,
your thoughts are rather twisted like a puzzle not yet solved,

I peer a glimpse of you and you say you will be fine,
I hear the things the words you say that remind me of the time,
but the time has fluttered across the sea and the memories they still fade
I hope one day you break away and the puppet master meets swift demise
But until that day, in every way,
I slowly but surly die inside

Someone very dear to me is in constant struggle with drugs...

Carson Elliott Dec 2018

Internal struggle

I punch and fight and
Jab and kick,
I use mean words and
Each one sticks,
I draw my sword and
Stab in deep,
It’s a fight to the death and
I play for keeps,
A twisted battle and
The end is near,
I fight with anger and
Have no fear,
A final blow and
Lost all wealth,
But it’s an endless battle
When your fighting yourself.......

Carson Elliott Dec 2018

Demons

I don’t know how to say it, but I love you with my heart
I don’t know how to show it, and its tearing me apart
I know I love you and I know it’s true, I know that the person that I want is you
I have demons inside that are waging constant war, like the persistent bitter cold that attack a cabin door
I have been truly hurt and it’s something that I hide, a shameful ***** demon that I cover up with pride
I want to let you in and I want to love your soul, but the demon like the cabin is coveted in cold
He rears his head and says the meanest things, I want to try and fly away but the fire clipped my wings
I feel like a monster and I regret the things I say, ill do or make or show anything to try and make you stay
I try and try to fight with him and one day I might win, and maybe when the demon goes I can finally let you in
He won’t say mean things or bark and shout, he won’t be an ******* when he comes out
He won’t put you down or make you cry, I can let you in and ill **** well try
But once you’re in my damaged soul I’m scared that you will see, that the demon I had fought so long……….

that demon he was me.......

So im in a relationship, but the demons i have from old scars keep coming out and i struggle to trust this woman. Even though she is literally amazing in every way! I feel like im constantly at war with myself and its tearing me apart. Its the eve of her birthday and we cant even be together, she lives so far away. I just wish i could show her that a lot of the problems are not her fault, i just struggle with my past because all i have known in relationships is pain....

Carson Elliott Jul 2018

Life boat

My boat had kept a sail in this tempered sea of life,
tossing and turning like a child awake at night,
I’ve kept afloat and rowing hard fighting with all I got,
wishing hoping that one day my boat might just take flight,
Then a new breeze hits and something caught my eyes,
It’s like this life just taunted me with a wonderful surprise,
You whisper hi and flash a smile and my boat began to shake,
I row on hard to see the prize it looks like a row I may just make,
I’ll row the very sea that tried to make me break,
As long as this is not a dream and I get to hold you when I wake....

Carson Elliott Jan 2018

Flicker

The stars aligned and they took you away,
no where in particular,
just not here to stay,
Your final rest in maiden sleep,
The kind of journey to make men weep,
I’ll make you a promise,
A deal not cheap,
I’ll continue to stand on my own two feet,
I’ll continue to fight, to laugh and to love,
And I’ll squeeze jess tight and give her a hug,
The pain of your flame when the candle diminished,
is a pain we all feel when your candle was finished...

My brother inlaw passed away from a very aggressive brain tumour last night, I wrote this for him moments after I received the news. I have some regrets of things we dreamed of doing, but I did have my chance to tell him what he meant to me before he was gone and that has helped a lot since he passed....RIP Mike K. Miss you brother!

Carson Elliott Aug 2017

Deep wounds

Gone is all you are like a whisper gone too far,
Like a flutter of the breeze easing gently through the trees,
I catch a whiff, a scent of you I'll remember all of these,
Painful memories locked in tight, make me weakened at the knees,
It's a pain in my chest quite not like the rest,
Somewhere in the middle maybe slightly to left breast,
It's a pain that cuts the heart, but not like stabbing at the start,
It cuts beyond the flesh and way deeper than a dart,
Like smashing through the table, past the bottom of the bowl,
You cut a laceration in the fabric of my soul....

Carson Elliott Mar 2017

Heart lost

This time it is for real and for real you will go while I'm crying on the floor screaming no no no.

The first time your the fool but the second times my turn, but the fifth, the sixth, the seventh time and it really starts to burn.

For reasons unexplainable and some would say insane, the smell, the taste, the touch of you is burned inside my brain.

Your like a cut I cannot find, a pain I cannot cure, but the love we had, burned in my mind seemed something rather pure.

Your a piece of me that much is true my love I'll never find, that piece of me that left with you when you screamed "IM GONE THIS TIME"

Now I hate, with my heart turned black, the thought of you not coming back, I hate myself and all I've done to make you turn your back and run.

Now I'm stuck, with me, Myself...
No prayer...
No love...
No hope...
No help...