I wanna start by asking a question,
How many of you feel love struck and heart lost,
I speak in a manner which breaks the normal bounds of formal poetry,
.
.
.
I sit at the kitchen table on Facebook,
The hands on the clock approach midnight,
For the last two days I have pondered a question my friend asked me,
It was stuck in my mind,
The cells of my mental prison,
Awaken,
They fire off thoughts, ideas, concepts, and questions to answer this question,
The echo they create is similar to that of a prison,
This question was solved for my friend but had a much deeper meaning to me,
Now when asked "Will you wait for me?",
What exactly does that mean,
In my case it means so much,
Now out of all these echoes,
One small one stuck out,
A whisper,
Repeating,
And repeating,
And repeating,
Like a broken record,
The idea that I must remove myself,
.
.
.
The appearance of unfaithfulness is stronger,
Than the thought, concept, or action,
Over the last five years,
I have fallen in love with my best friend,
She knows exactly how I feel and,
She admits that there is something,
Something,
Between us,
She admits although she has feelings for him,
She cannot help but second guess herself,
Over the last five years though,
I have given her reason not to,
I have given the appearance of unfaithfulness,
But...that stops now,
I have realized that "Will you wait for me?"
In my case really means "I will be with you but not until I know you won't hurt me."
.
.
.
I promise that I would never hurt her,
But I have broken that promise more than anyone,
Yet although she has 1001 reasons to leave she doesn't,
It is from this that I reason that neither of us wants to leave,
The thought of life without her is deadly,
It would take a genocide of heart,
Or a suicide of mind,
To make me leave,
Because this is where you left me,
This is where you will find me,
At the crossroads of what could be,
And the downfall of me.

i'm sitting in my underwear
petting my cat
eating chocolate
and writing poetry

why?

cuz *******
that's why

"our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure,
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us,"
Marianne Williamson wrote those words in 1992
To me those words are still some of the most inspirational words
Have you ever heard of a suicide complex 
I'm willing to bet you have just not called a suicide complex 
Yes I mean suicide and no I do not mean a complex suicide 
That kid that you saw today walking down the hall thinks about killing himself everyday and doesn't because he can expect great things to come from his life
Why?
Maybe not because he is smart or charismatic or hard working but because he has beaten death,
Yes he continues his life because he believes that he is a beacon of hope for the hopeless,
That girl that everyone calls a ****
Has never once done a ****** thing
She has never thought of being sexually active 
She has held onto her boyfriend longer than any of you 
She has considered cutting her wrists and saving the trouble of ******* and name calling
But she doesn't because she knows there are people who love her while the people who call her a **** or ***** are just jealous because they don't have the life she does
That **** that everyone loves once thought about shooting up the school he once thought if no one would remember him for anything other than being that fat kid in 5th grade that he should be remembered for killing everyone he hated
But what changed
He found his calling
He found his sport and he is popular
In school he sticks with the jocks and outside he hangs out with the outcasts because they were with him before he was popular
I once thought about ending my very existence
I had never done anything important and probably never would
And I never believed people when they told me I would do great things with my life
I want you to know two thing about me 
I'm tired of pretending
I'm terrified of it ending
But because of you I will never let it end

1)
A simple gesture of happiness.

2)
A substance more fake than plastic.

3)
A reason why love is so abundant.

4)
A reason why people believe.
A force stronger than any words.
A swift move into a land to drift off and watch as glistening teeth and a perfect smile pull you into a breeze past reality.

5)
I wish I could always see your smile.

Smiles.

Goodnight.
Sleep well.
I love you so much.
See you in the morning.

The house quiet and dark.
We break from our hug and walk to our rooms quietly.
The only sounds are my footsteps and the news going in Dads room.
Just another night.

Earlier that day,
I saw you cry.
I saw your upper lip shake like the ground when mountains fall over.
I saw tears rush down your face and into riverbeds and onto your lap.
I watch you turn the other way so I don’t see you as weak.

The man I have known to be the heatless ******* is the person who needs heart the most.
He needs my heart.
His daughters heart.
His girlfriends heart.
His heart is an endless pit of pain and guilt
but he keeps a firm smile on his face.

He breaks down like the rest of us.
He gets depressed too.
Hell, with what he is going through I don’t know what I would do.

But this man goes to bed every night hoping to see his daughters beautiful face
Hear his sons voice over the acoustic guitar
and the ******* chickadee’s waking him up at 6:30 every morning.

He goes to bed in tears.
Worried,
His daughter’s depression has gotten worse.
His son feels.. abandoned.
His girlfriend overwhelmed.

His heart is black from the ashes of bombs being dropped on him almost every day.
His hands red from slapping destiny in the face and taking his own road in life.
His wedding ring that he still wears because he knows how much it means.

His son,
Worries constantly about him.
He worries that for once more his happiness will be stripped from him like white paint on an old wall.
Painted over and over and stripped only to get a new coat of paint.
The walls are getting tired of this ******* and just want to be left alone.

He worries that one day he won’t be the same.
He worries that sickness will drive him over the wall and into a land he doesn’t want to see.
His father is a strong man.
But he sees the worst things that could happen.
He is breaking down.

Father goes to bed but stays awake throughout the night
Hoping that she hasn’t left him.
Hoping that she isn’t sick.
Hoping that his son is happier than ever.
Happy that he gets to see his daughter.

Truth is,
His son idolizes his father.
He is a true hero.
A decorated veteran in the war called life
and his battle wounds are crippling.
But ****** his feet still work and he can still walk.
He has the biggest heart imaginable,
his son worries about his father.

Goodnight.
Sleep well.
I love you so much.
See you in the morning.

And I just sit here
typing at my computer
Never teaching the outside world
Never reaching the outside world
Unable to communicate
but easy to speak
I speak my mind
and no one ever listens
I’m sick of being here
being alone and cold
unnoticed
but loved
None the less
I try to tell them
whatever they want to hear
I try not to fear
all the crowds of people
walking my way
saying what’s new
and what’s cool
They see what I let them
only what they want to see
But they never knew me
the real me is to terrifying
too scared to live
alone and cold
Never teaching the outside world
unable to reach the outside world
But I’m here
And you listen to an old story
told over once before
By a man who we knew
a woman never seen
maybe even a child
blind to the cruelties of society
deaf to the lies
but maybe I am that child
Once again,
I feel the hate of the world
the love and envy
Nothing new
but everything to you
It’s the story your mother told
bedtime and story-time
growing up listening
trying to catch something new
a new little catch
never revealed before
It’s the story your lover told
bleeding and sick
unable to comprehend
the vast deepness
of the story-teller’s soul
But you’d have to be a child
to hear the silent screams
echoing in your head
the ramblings
of an old witch
never once making you twitch
haunting your nightmares
your dreams are too sacred
hollow and empty
unfulfilled by your life
and mine
So, search no more
my dear little one
I am here to tell you no more
and no less
than the truth of the world
mumble to me
what you hear
Whisper in my ear
and then runaway in fear
fore, you don’t know the half

I saw you this morning,
You made me weak at the knees
Next time I'll brace myself
For when your smile breaks my heart