Carrey Adele

Carrey Adele Feb 2012

Walking through the supermarket,
I came across a regret.
Dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, you've
Slimmed down since 4 years ago.

4 years ago, the regret, the guilt.
When you poured out your heart to me,
And I spilled your words
All over the table for everyone to see.

As if that wasn't bad enough.
Your love for me was unrequited,
And I rubbed it in your face,
In the ground, on a flag in the air: taunting.

But here's what I remembered most
As I watched you pick out the right grapefruit:
4 years ago I broke your heart, and you-
You forgave me, you loved me anyway.

Maybe 4 years ago was better for you,
Because I'm so much less of a woman than you deserve.
And yet- when you saw me peering over the apples,
You ran over and hugged me,

Acted like the way we used to be.

Carrey Adele Feb 2012

I knew you, my own

I thought I knew you, my own daughter, you said
But you didn't- you don't know me at all.

I'm an alien in my own house, and
You are just like everyone else-
Afraid of my difference- you hate it.
I'm concerned about what society will think
I don't care, neither should you.
Afraid of my difference- you try to **** it.

I thought I knew you, my own daughter*, you said
But you don't- you never did.

Carrey Adele Jan 2012

Untitled (venting...)

Lately I've been afraid
Afraid of being alone
Of having the opportunity to really think.

How can someone have everything,
So much that countless people don't have,
And yet still be so unhappy?

I don't have the answer,
So I keep fighting back the pointless tears
Day after day after day.

Carrey Adele Jan 2012

untitled

Like the most remote parts of the ocean,
My longing is deep and beautifully extraterrestrial.

I'd never felt such a strong connection
With someone so far away before.
Never had just the sight of someone
Make me smile for no reason at all.

Like a beach somewhere along the equator,
Our love is warm and forever unchanging.

Carrey Adele Jan 2012

Iron Bed

I see you standing there
Staring at the rushing water.
The cement river flowing for the first time
Since last February.
Your clothes are so wet, they’ve become part of your skin
Like an outer shell.

Your life is like
A Hurricane.
The windows are boarded up, but the wind
And water still gets through.
Eyes squeezed shut,
You hug yourself -
Screaming so loud that no one can hear.

Tears stream down your face
They drop down into the grey water-
Tears so big
No one can see them.
Nails that are bitten raw dig
Dig into the railing that’s keeping you on the surface.

Moved to a small white room with no windows
For months and days and years.
Fed only bread and water
Through a tube.
Writing small words on the white sheets
Of your iron bed:
Letmeout.

Carrey Adele Dec 2011

sentiMental

On a lazy winter day that doesn't feel like winter at all
(70 degrees outside, yet the los angelinos are still feeling chilly)
She scrapes the burned cheese off of the griddle
(burns her fingers, but that doesn't matter, not really)
Because that's the best part about making grilled cheese

As she's waiting for the cheese to melt, she picks up her tea mug
(takes a sip, and looks out the kitchen window)
And she's wishing that she could go home
(technically LA is home, but it isn't really, not to her)
Because she's looked for her heart in this city, but she can't find it.

Carrey Adele Dec 2011

It seems ridiculous

That I still think about you after all this time.
Six months- has it been six months already?
Six times longer than our time together...
It's not to say that I'm not over you,
I am- have been since the leaves started falling.
We live thousands of miles apart,
It had to end I know that it's just-
Is that all I was to you- a summer fling?
Because you were much more to me:
A lover, a best friend, almost perfect!
And then, it all shattered because of one silent afternoon.

I guess, if I think about it:
It doesn't seem ridiculous after all.