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Carolyn Diana Nov 2020
As a kid you sat
by the window pane
sipping bedtime milk
lullaby in head
Looking out for unanswered questions
dreaming what you'd be one day
When you grow up to be
everything you thought you'd be

Life you knew was
pure bliss and innocence

As a teenager you stood
by the window pane
love potion
coursing through your veins
You fell in love with the stars,
moon and air
Dreaming you'd soon meet
Prince charming
A budding flower in awe of
every little thing

Life then was
living in fairytales

As an adult you stared
out the window pane
high on fermented liquids and
substances
Wandering through multi dimensions
still dreaming and
living in fantasies of your own
you created it to be

Life goes on
as it's meant to be

As an old bird you no longer
sit or stare by the window pane
meds and occassional drinks,
dementia hits
Oblivious and disoriented,
you reminiscence of what's left
Dreams turned to hallucinations
Still unanswered,
lived through seasons

Life now the
reality of shattered dreams

The thing about dreams
are meant to be lived
I have my share left

Dreams to live before I sleep
Before I Sleep.
25/4/2020
Carolyn Diana Nov 2020
In an ocean of secret holders
who anchors down their deep waters
crashing waves of thoughts
torn veils of skin sails
sunken ships of past
rusted memories
often washed on shore
It doesn't matter if you're a tiny fish
trying to fit among
whales publications
shark authors
electrocuted by eels downsizing your cause
Know, once eminent sailors are
skeletons gone by their acts

Through the dense forest
evil resides
****** into darkness,
the black, the bitter, the better
Succumbed to death,
wallow the mushy dirt etched to scarred skin
Those quills that doesn't run out of pain
bleed sticky gum of slit open trunks,
leaves to the ground,
withered love
It doesn't matter if you're a snail couped in
your little shell,
trying to race amongst the
biggest, baddest, best
Know, every animal has its killer instinct
Once mighty explorers are the bygone era
of dinosaurs
Their work, fossil of proof

In the blistering winds of snow
cracked glass souls
who pens down heaped fears
doubts and uncertainties unshovelled,
crystallised perspirations
It doesn't matter if you're a snowman
lifeless, formless, hidden
Know, once giant ice bergs that stood tall are
slashed, melted, evaporated

Through the light sky to outer dark space
mystery lies,
the power of the unknown
Those that rocket their fascinations
lavitating endless celestial bodies
A moth drawn to a flame,
sparkle and dust
It doesn't matter if you're a little star
unseen by the existing blazing sun
glorious moon, brightest stars
Know, once greatest scholars are
crashed comets, fallen stars
a lost wavelength in time
siphoned by a giant hole

Hush to the others
lashing waters, rustling trees, icy blow winds, sparks of void

Be one of a kind
Let the little minions in your head
do what they best do
write "You".
13/5/2020
Carolyn Diana Nov 2020
On a highway to heaven
I picked up virtues, seven
Narrow paths and steep mountains I ventured
Virtues I hold, weigh me down
Each passing curve,
I left one behind.
Arrived to the gate, I handed
'Worthy' to the gatekeeper
His eyes downcast, whispered
I wasn't good enough
I had no halo or wings,
angel like form or in white.
The virtue I offered had turned to stone,
worthless.

On a freeway to hell,
I picked up sinister vices downhill
Vast open spaces through dark tunnels I wandered
until the 'ferryman of death' hauled me closer
Him I handed all my vices in folds
His face pale, sighed
Time still awaits
I had no horns or tail,
evil figure or in black.
The vices I paid were merely fragments,
inadequate.

Heaven and hell I was expelled
cast to the middle ground
In here resides the both, the in-between,
the synthesized hybrid
that if you painted a picture you'd see
no halo or horns rather plain,
and more vibrant in colors.
Aesthetically pleasing I see endless
blue skies, blue seas, green trees
having angelic figures.
And the shattered ruins,
broken down places, people and
dust beneath my feet leaving eerie prints.
Fall of an era, rise of another
Castles to skyscrapers
Kings to billionaires
times have grown, changed
Yet this middle ground prevails,
run by chaos and order.

So, here I am
somewhere between
Heaven, Hell, What else
A hovering orb named earth
Unsettled and footloose on a transient period
Guess we all are before the ultimate, fate.
Heaven or hell
I know not it's intricate details
What lies beyond those gates?
Perhaps, a conundrum
If you're curious about the gates?
An illusion.
Beware of thine eyes,
the greatest deceiver and so
What if I told you
"Reality is an agreed upon illusion"

Would you concur or question the nature of your reality?
15/4/2020
Carolyn Diana Nov 2020
Dozens of cooked up fairytales
you grew livin' in imagination
Mermaids are one of em
you wished beyond fascination

Perhaps the idea of being young forever
caught your attention
Or the state of flawless beauty
yearned your intention

Oh darling aren't you aware?
It's all just a fiction
There's good and evil, far and wide
if only you caught a tidal reflection

Why choose a scale skinned tail?
when you can stroll through grains of sand
You too can bathe in sunshine
adorned princess of the land

Copious beauty scattered throughout
yet you don't blink an eye
You thirst for the deep waters
relinquishing the world's allure nigh

Indeed magic Cascades in reality
if known to tapped right
A mortal life ain't that shoddy
just another realm of wright

Alas, had you been a mermaid
you'd rise to the surface waves
lay on a moonlight beamed rock
wishing human life enclaves.
30/3/2020
Carolyn Diana Nov 2020
Who are you love
Who are you?

Are you what they call
by name, love
just an emotion
form of expression
or even a little affection

Layers of colours you hold
each a feeling untold

You disguise
deceiving the eyes
Forms you wear
we're unaware

You hide
dark inside
Portraying sublime
most of the time

Poisoned you grew
evolution becomes you

What is it you keep
that everyone digs deep
If only they knew
the real you

So, tell me love
who are you?
Or should I say
what are you?
25/8/2019
Carolyn Diana Nov 2020
Haunted insomnia
dreams to nightmares
Heart clenched
rhythm asynchronous

Fear fluctuations
high and low
Inborn emptiness
null and void

Surge of anxiety
binded tight
Panic attacks
now and then

Crippled mind
malfunctioned
Numbness
outstretched within

Mundane existence
day by day
Depression to
merciless end

Shared vows in secrey
till death do us part

Ingurgitated by
mysterious darkness
I now reside
amidst the shadows

Oh how I yearn mayhap
discern the light once more

And breathe a heavy sigh.
5/5/2019
Carolyn Diana Nov 2020
Memories I cherished
now lay beneath
ocean of my mind
rusted.
20/6/2020
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