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Carolyn Diana Nov 2020
April bids au revoir
Around the twitching days of fall

Robust of stardust
Ablazes a sun kissed spark
Despite the brumous arrival

Hurtling beneath the cold walls
Yearns the desire of
An atmosphere of your presence

May we march with merry
Inspite of frigus due

Seasons fall and rise
Hope we shall prevail
Roaring alongside thunderstorms

Awaiting summer renascent
27/10/2020
Carolyn Diana Nov 2020
Brooding over thoughts is abysmal
Whether it's past, present or future
You contemplate,
the notion of Life itself
Your existence,
what makes you alive and
what it takes to strive
But to be submerged in an ocean of thoughts
Is dreadful.

You ponder the whole concept of
God and mankind
and mysteriously wonder God's plan.
What's sun, moon and stars?
What's earth? And who cares if it's round or flat.
Who cares about outer space when
you're beneath drowning at sea level,
caught amidst the tremors of morrow
And what's tomorrow
if you're unsure?
Life's short.
Nonetheless, you're here
Still breathing under water.

Waking up is terrible.
You cling to the monotony of day and night.
The clock that strikes twice on a faded wall, unnoticed.
The long curtains coated in dust.
You convince yourself
there's no time
just like your dead lover
who drew paths away
declaring time doesn't equal you.

By now you know the
edges of loneliness that comforts you.
You call it home,
the graveyard of your sorrows.
And when you exhume,
a cadaverous grim figure sneers back at you.
It crawls behind your back like a shadow.

It's maddening,
to travel in never ending train of thoughts.
You can't arrive at destination
when you've mastered multiple personalities.
Silence no longer creeps when thoughts are loud.
And thoughts, your only companion
But to be consumed by thoughts is excruciating.

Where does it end
all your impending thoughts?
Hung on nihilism,
you sigh over the sign of wisdom
Or is it insanity?  

Anyways,

It stays,
It lingers,
and the only thought that rings
with deafening alarm
"I'm thinking of ending things".
21/10/2020
Carolyn Diana Oct 2020
When love knocks
Invite, arms open wide
Greet like you missed an old friend
Talk about the in-between times,
the last time you met

Everytime it arrives,
it appears like a little bird,
landing on your fence
Fluttering your soul,
tingling your senses

Feeding you lust of desires
lures you in it's trance of deception

When smothered tight,
it transforms to a snake
hissing your insecurities,
whispering your fears

It cannot condone when you become
the perfect epitome of love than itself

When tried to get rid of it,
it'll stay choking your neck
lurking around your walls
leaving you hopeless
It likes to hunt and you're it's prey
You run it chases
It thrives on your affliction

The thing about love
It's a misunderstood creature
polymorphic in nature,
expects you to mirror

Silly little stubborn child
seeking undying attention
wants to be heard
loved in return

So the next time love barges in,
let it soak in your love
let it stay
Be what it wants,
no questions asked

If love's the bitter sting, aching
then, love is the antidote to love

Caress it like a mother
cradle on your lap
hold tight to your *****
Let it choke
Let it strain

Watch it crumble
Watch it slowly die.
27/5/2020
Carolyn Diana Oct 2020
I had a heart
Walls of thick flesh
Tender and fragile
Beating innocence
Caged underneath
Skinned sheath

Fascinating art  
A fantasy toy
Experience
Extraordinary unknown
Explore
Exploit

Ruptured
Emotions barged in
Innocence cornered
My first betrayal
Fresh open wound
Unseen
Unexpected

Second strike
Walls shaken
Attempted to stop
Another blow
I didn't
I couldn't

Several unnumbered
Distroyed innocence
Darkness grows
Depleting goodness
Used
Misused

Powered force
Appearance of love
Breaking walls
Wreaking havoc
Shaken
Broken

Damaged
I replaced
Flesh to glass
Skin to stone
Frigid
Rigid

I now have a heart
Walls of clustered glass
Strong and sharp
Beating colors of light
Reflecting
Refracting
A heart shaped prism
3/4/2020
Carolyn Diana Oct 2020
Into my heart you crept
Deceiving thy nature
A spot made, slowly taking
All over in the name of love
Smitten I'd lost control as you
Marched out with vicious laugh
Leaving behind an estranged soul
20/4/2019
Carolyn Diana Oct 2020
Forever is a vain in disdain
Perhaps forever doesn't exist
and if it did
it'd be like
"Tomorrow Never Comes"

People dressed in forever don't last winter
So are the memories frozen in time  

"Always" is a word
I preferred
The irony behind it remained
calm and composed
irrespective of time
But it wasn't good enough
as it brings forth
trepidation

I could treasure memories
as autumn leaves
the fine imprints of shades and pattern
pressed in my diary pages
Maybe I should
Maybe that's how it's meant to be

But is it selfish to plant a tree in my backyard?
To bask in the shade all the time?
I'll never know

While feelings inchoate
emanation of expectations arise
like the puddles of joy
one would leap into
One could exchange origami
of paper boats
in secret love notes
sailing
only to drown
And when you rip history pages
you'll find the trapped echoes of silenced wars

Expectations are indeed
a guillotine
beheading hopes
And the vestiges
are the stoic we linger on

When 'Forever' sunk and
'Always' deemed unfit
'For Now' kissed my aching heart
injecting numb
You'll find me now in crowded places
lost in solitude
19/9/2020
Carolyn Diana Oct 2020
Tonight
I heard the sky falling

It fell to the ground
drenched in pain

An eerie frame
gone in the black

Eyes glistening
under the baggage of dark lit
heavy clouds

Like an orphan
with no arms outstretched

Streams of silence sobs flow
drowned in loneliness

Hours
till the break of dawn

Perhaps
night rains
are the adult version of
letting go
9/9/2020
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