I've noticed the saddest days of my life have frequently been accompanied by heavy rainfall. It's almost like all of heaven is crying with me, or showering me with the grace to cry alone. Either way or neither way, I am grateful that the clouds darken my face as the tears flow unrelentlessly. Pouring pain from my soul to ready for more. The more the tears flow, the deeper the pain grows. Is there no end? Tears overwhelm me like a flood. Gasping for air in the pit of loneliness. Groping at the walls of hopelessness only to have it slip through my fingers and cover me with its sludge. To feel loved and hated by the same. To be looked upon in utter disdain. To be silenced in words that cut out the fight. To be defeated and left all alone with a self I can hardly condone. The loathing without has now turned within and grows with each breath I take. A smile will create the mask to wear that hides the pain inside. They'll never know the darkness yet grows until I am swallowed within. The sound of the break as strong as a quake that shudders the walls of its part. Tear asunder the thoughts I now ponder grinding them all to a halt. Where is the light that once was so bright it blinded the eyes that would see? How can I face how pain has erased the light that once was in me? The tears fail to wash the darkness away but instead leave a river of blood. Flowing from what was once my heart and is now a soul-wrenching flood. Good-bye heart and all that you feel I wish not to feel you again. Break from your place of utter disgrace and shatter with all of your pride. Crumble and fall for once and for all leaving no pain inside.

Shameful a past, often reminded
Lest she forfeit the pain that's behind her
How can a Mother hear so much?
Of her mistakes instead of her touch
Love runs so deep for the child she bore
The one who scorns and slams the door

No way to change what's been done
No way to stop, no where to run
What is the reason to see me burn?
What is to gain but making me squirm?
If I could change the past then I would
Take it all back and make it all good

But all she can do is what she did then
Cry these tears and live it again
Forgotten were the days of a mother's care
Of baths, and stories, and fixing her hair
The nights spent with fevers
Now she has trouble to remember either

Surely her tears will never wash clean
The words that were meant to cause her such pain
They are etched in her heart forever to stay
For all those mistakes this is her pay
To spend her life, the rest of her years
Attempting to redeem a Mother's Tears

It's a new day
A new season
A new dawn....time to move on

The dream has awakened
The past is a flight
I'm praying for courage
To do what is right

My heart is so thankful
For mercies and grace
To run with a purpose
In my life's race

I'm down on my knees
With face to the ground
Seeking a wisdom
I know will be found

The answer is near
I feel it, I do!
My hope is found
In no one but You!!

Rain on the roof
Sounds like tears
Falling from Heaven
Coating my fears

Drained of the energy
That I once had
Gasping to breathe
the air leaves me sad

Storms in the forecast
Just as I dreamed
Life is no longer
the joy that it seemed

Wanting to hide
With no strength to move
As hard as I've tried
I can't help but brood

Rain clouds forming in the sky
I don't know why
I can't dry my eyes.

Reading, working, trying to stir
What's to endure?
Is there a cure?

Jumping, leaping, running away
I know I must stay
From childhood we've played

Crying tears washing my eyes
I don't like to cry
And ask myself, why?
I must wake up and try

Walking on egg shells
Holding my tongue
Wanting to tell
Needing to run

Pain on his face
Breaking my heart
Keeping a pace
Tearing apart

Knowing the bond
That never could be
Leaves me to run
And need to be FREE!

Watching and waiting
For things to appear
To pull me from drowning
From steeping in fear

Miracles standing
At the edge of my pain
Turning a back on
The prayers that I've prayed

I wait... my head in my hands
With tears on my face
Knees in the sand
Again.... I wait

In the bed early
Up before dawn
Wear my hair curly
Get my scrubs on

Drop off the baby
Before she is tardy
No exercise today and
Breakfast was hardy

Get in to the office
And clean my desk
Open an email
Delete the rest

So is the story of
The daily grind
I need an escape
But none I can find

Work everyday and
Still needing more
I'm running away
Watching the door

There must be better
A reason to cope
A way to escape
Therefore I hope...

The night fills the air like a dark summer's cloud
Riding on billows of wind
Screams of anger spoken so loud
That can't be returned again

Hearts break in two like pieces of glass
Shattered and easily torn
With edges that cut with precision and crass
Bleeding and seething in mourn

Walking away you left me to bleed
With tears falling down like rain
Crushing my soul and not taking heed
Of my gripping sorrow and pain

Losing myself in a long, hard gaze
Falling across the vast mellow haze
of fuzzy thoughts and subtle tunes
Dancing towards a cloudy moon

Finally leaping on billows of fluff
It's not too much yet almost enough
singing a whisper of soft, hushed tones
I'm gone, I'm gone, and flying alone

Wandering around a long corridor
Of dreams and wishes longing for more
But reality beckons me back once again
And my thoughts like a vapor are lost in the wind

Come back sweet dreams
It is what it seems
A wish filled with hope
to cope

What once was a smile
Has faded to pain
With wrinkles and lines
And clouds filled with rain

Wishing our lives
had been so much more
Than pain and regret
And walking the floor

Now loneliness fills
every room and hall
With echoes of goodbyes
that shadow the walls

Not looking back
To what once was okay
Now with a focus
Of turning away

We dare not speak
Lest it should finally end
Trying to salvage
What might have been

Jumping and swinging
Rolling about
Laughing and singing
Inside and out

Colors and sparkles
Shiny new shoes
Sugar and sprinkles
Ice cream too!

Snuggles and breath
And sweet little smiles
These are the treasures
In the eyes of a child

She peeked through the blinds into the dark street with only one bright light atop a lamppost outside the window.
The glow  from the lamppost seemed stark white against her white shirt with dark bars across her chest from where the blinds covered the light.
In the dark shadows she waited....
He would be there soon to sweep her away into another world.
She could see the headlights in a distance, it was her escape.
She ran into the night blocking the thought of her precious children.
She wanted more than he gave her and she would return soon.
It was only after she realized the pain they endured. They needed her too.
The void can never be replaced.
What she thought was need was selfish desire paid in full by her children's anguish.
Now regrets are her memories and heartbreak to know that what was taken in darkness can never be returned.
Innocent children had to grow up too soon because mommy and daddy needed more....

I ran down the hill in a furious dart
My bare feet burning in the summer dirt
The sun beating down on my dark, curly hair
As I ran

How could the words I heard be truth?
Why didn't I know before I was told?
Confusion and grief were filling my head
As I ran

Years have gone with questions unanswered
Truths still not uttered
Hopes dashed upon a fear
And I run

Time is a motion moving away
Climbing and clawing
Running away
Time only stops when love is about
Then scurries out
Don't close your eyes while time moves on
You'll miss the sweet, the laughter, the dawn.

I gave my heart
You crushed my soul
With a mocking grin
You let me go

How dare you hate
And now I find
You gave to others
What was only mine

To walk away
Will be my trial
No looking back
No denial