All I want
Sometimes
Is someone
To tell me
That my flame
Burns a little
Brighter
Than everyone
Else's.

And just when I
Thought the room
Was empty,
They stripped the
Floorboards and
Celings
Until the lone
Light bulb
Swung naked
From rafters
And I truly had
Nothing left.

You maybe assumed
I was fine
Being the only
One gripping onto
Our life line
As you decline
My calls again.

The truth is,
What's left
If you're depressed
And I haven't seen you
Since May,
What's the point
In reaching out
If when I do
You've suddenly run
Out of things to say-
I say I miss you
And you say ok
And we don't talk
For three weeks.

And you might
Miss me too
But it's you
So I won't know
If you did until
You don't anymore
And it's suddenly
A chore to text you
About the weather.

And if it's me
Who breaks it off
I take full responsibility
For being disenchanted
And broken-hearted
By this game of screens
That we play.

I'm sick of this
Upwards climb
You're active online
Drop in from
Time to time
To send me something
Meaningless
And this all means
So much less
Than it did once.
Is this what life
Is for us now?

Dropping out because
Consistency is a
Thing of the past
It was a blast
Once upon a time
But it's over and
We're sober and 16
Again
Living at home.

Tell me you miss
The good old days
When the days shone
In our eyes
And our smiles
While the nights
Stretched out
For miles,
Littered with possibilities.

Tell me you miss
Feeling more than
Bleak comfort
From muddy walks,
Tell me you miss
Our haunts
And cheap drinks
And each other.

I miss it all but I'm
Losing my grip
On the past,
And soon it'll pass
If we want it to or not
So one last desperate
Plea,
If you're in there-
Tell me you miss me,
And the old days
Can become new days
One day.

Chasing memories
Through traffic lights
My feet kept running
And I ignored the signs
I could have loved you
But I didn't
And I've tried to forget you
But I couldn't.

Your face flashing by
Like pictures past
I tried to hold on
But what was cannot last
And things we never wanted to
Have come to pass
While we laid there in the grass
Barely eighteen
And holding the world
In our palms.

And now you've left town-
Like you said you would
But I'm still around
And I wish that I could
Have known
That being alone is the
Worst of all things.

I'm still here,
Lost in the haze of it
And I never want
What I have
(I know you know that
More than anyone)
The things I can't
Glow in the dark
Like false promises
And shining diamond rings.

You told me you'd stay
Forever once
(You truly believed I
Was the one)
And we laugh about that now
Because your dreams
Really did come true
In the city
Just like how
You told me you'd
Never seen someone
That pretty
Before in your life.

And deep down I knew
I would never have been
Happy with you
But I'm not happy
Without you
So where does that leave me
Now you're undeceived of me
And I'm the same
That I've always been
And feeling down because of it.

It's a messed up feeling
To want to be adored
But I hoard compliments
Like a magpie.
And my youth is all
I have
Until it dies
And I become a shell
Holding onto the
Nice things someone
Once said about me
And I believed.

Once again,
This is all about me
And the ways that
I feel unsteady
Without you.
But I can ask you
How you are
And we can both
Pretend I'm not
Falling apart
Before I'm twenty five
And still don't know
What it means
To feel alive.

The good in me has
Truly died mean
So I sit and dream
With my window ajar
And let the memories
Pick me apart
Playing like
A film we made
On our brick phones.

I still can't really say
I love you
But I can say that
I miss you.
My biggest fear
Is that you'll forget me
Maybe regret
That you ever met me
And that's the closest thing
To heartbreak
My soul will ever know.

At this moment in time
I am encased in
Cold bath water
Up to my neck.
I am floating
But heavy
Though I have left
My body
Deep below.
I watch skin
That doesn't feel
Like mine anymore
Burn angry pink, red
And decline into bruised
Purple and mottled blue.
I pretend I am a statue
Stay stone still-
Everytime I shiver
I must start again
According to rules
Of my own creation.
Once I am no longer
Skin and bones
But, instead,
Rock and thread
I will leave the cold
Wrap myself in rough warmth
And blink into white light
And enjoy the
Endless feeling
Of being numb.

I've started carrying
Relics of myself
With me
Wherever I go
Because men only
Treasure old
When it is
Turned to bones.

I am drowning
In my own
Inadequacy
And only I
Can pull me out.