I stayed stoic
And unmoved
Until I felt something pop
Inside me
And fizz out
Like champagne
Dripping down the sides
Of a glass
At a birthday party.
And then
At the release
I
Let myself breathe
Spilling out
In a bubbling gasp
And for a moment
The air was alight
With a thousand
Tiny fairy lights
As if the world
Had been switched on
But
They soon flickered out
And I
Like everything else
Was still again.

I yearn for things
When they are over
But cannot want
Them at the time.
I think I only love
What is lost to me
As in losing it
It becomes mine.

You are nostalgia
Just one taste
Of sweet on my tongue.
You are warmth
Taken away
Just
Before it burns.
You are what
I dream about
Think about
Write about.
It is this fleeting
Magic of you
That I chase
And hope to find
But never will
As you have changed.
You are rose tinted
And deceptively greener
As that is
The magic of
Something
That can be thought
Of fondly
Because it is over.

Sunday night blues
And I'm thinking of you
And all we never had.
Because it's you
That I look for
And me you don't see
In the crowd, in the street
At the movies.
And I'll do my hair
Wear a dress that you'd like
If someone else wore it
I think that you might
Have your breath
Start to mess
Caught in your throat
Like the luckiest
Catch of your life.
And one day you might
So I'll play pretend
That I'm like the rest
Have my string of bad luck
Until I get the best
And my heart won't feel
Like it's ripped
Out of my chest
Cause it's you that I knew
That I wanted.
But it's Sunday night blues
And I knew, oh I knew
It's not me
That you wanted.
I know it's not special
To watch from afar
To play the sad songs
And look out for your car
Wondering, hoping
That I'd be where you are
When the night is over.
Because Sunday night blues
Are waging a war
I know what I am
And I know I want more
I want to be
The girl in the dress
The perfectly imperfect mess
The one that you looked for
The one that you see
In the crowd, in the street
At the movies.
Sunday nights always end
So, just for once
Let us pretend
That this story
Will finally mend
And nothing more
Will be said.

I leave behind
My room of ruins
And fight with
All I have
Not to look
Back
At it's broken parts

Last night
You passed through
My dreams
A fleeting thought
A spirit, almost
You but translucent.
When I woke,
I felt uneasy
And have felt
Strange ever since.
It seems apparent
To me
That despite the
Extenuating circumstances
My mind doesn't
Want to
Let go of you
Not yet
Not now
Not ever

It is easier to be the Ice Queen
Crown of glass, so serene
A kingdom in my frozen grasp
Never forgetting that ice is sharp
And ice is cold in a way that cut
Through my veins and in my guts.
The Ice Queen's heart traps a shiver
(Until it melts)
And all is lost down the river
The flowers underneath- they wither
And turn to brown
And die.
Passion seems to melt
The frost
My frozen resolve is
Ultimately lost
And I wish for
Everything to be
Snow topped
Again.
But coloured wildflowers
Force their way
Towards
The blinding sun
In the same cruel way
That you won
Me over and melted me.
I am
A servant to
Your golden rays
As always
The Queen of nothing
But slush and things
That were once alive
But cannot thrive
When they are
Under my watchful eye.
Does anyone love the Ice Queen?
Are they willing to endure her scorn?
Does anyone want the Ice Queen?
Feel how she is cold where she should be warm.
Maybe I will be warm again
When the year has ended
When my skin isn't blue
But summer is no longer welcome
In my ice kingdom
And maybe, this time
Neither are you.