My teacup rattles
When I hold it
My hands shake
Like old bones.
Am I The Princess
When I carry it?
Or am I the carry
It loathes?
My brain is too
Big for this shoebox
But it's always too
Small for a room
This is a thought to
Mull over
I think and I think
And I chew.

We said goodbye
And I looked back
To get one last
Look at you.
You had already
Walked away
Not looking back
At me
And I think that
Says it all
Really.

I tied some string
Around our
Little fingers
In a bow
Because it's the
Only knot I ever
Bothered to learn
And wished
That it would be
Enough
To keep you by
My side
Forever.

Yesterday,
You told me a story
That I had told you
The day before
But you were so excited
To share it with me
That I let it be yours
And laughed in all
The right places.

In my mind's eye
I still see you sometimes
Swirling a glass of red wine
That rests in your right hand
Like a lifeline.

Your left points at me
Beckoning me to you
With the arrorgance of age,
The age of someone who
Should know better
But chooses to be
Ignorantly obstinate
Instead.

Another night,
You sit, red wine in
Your right hand
A novel of some sorts
In your left.
The cover depicts some
Modern art, the sort I
Never cared to understand
But you always cared
To tell me about.

I should interrupt
But you are absorbed
In it's enclosing pages
And your tongue
Wriggles free from
Your mouth like a serpent
As you focus
As if betraying
The skin underneath
The real skin.

The red wine stains
Your teeth
And I deliberate
But eventually decide
To leave you there.
Focused as you are,
It seems silly to interrupt
A little foolish even
To pause the great mind
Just to tell you
That I am going
And that
You will never
See me again.

I miss the fruit I never tasted
The lips I never knew
The seeds of change are planted
But they grow slow and are but few.

My candle flame is fading
My dreams are of only you
Rejections dance like embers
But I'll pretend the words aren't true.

You've trapped me in a bottle
Of glassy, inky blue
I'll wait on this boat forever
For my love, what else am I to do?

My empty harvest is mud slick
Trampled as a path straight through
But maybe in this ruined garden
Redemption somehow grew

So I blow away the ashes
And imagine something new
Something only I could hope for
Something far far away from you.

Saturday nights and it appears
I'm still wishing you were here
Even though it could be a million years
And you still wouldn't want me.

I could fight my way through crowds
You could be figuring things out
I'd be scared, I'd be soulless
I'd be whatever just to cope less
And you still wouldn't want me.

And the thought of that it haunts me

Because I'd change my hair
I'd change my clothes
I'd be yours down to my bones
Lose all of me that I have known
And you still wouldn't want me.

I'd do whatever it takes to know you
Be your sun when days are blue
Be the love you never knew
But I feel it in me like a stake through
After doing all that I could do
You still wouldn't want me.

You've never ever wanted me

And I could shut my eyes
And deny the truth
But this right here is real life proof
I've given all I can while she gives none
And you still cannot want me
What does it take for you to want me?

I'd give midnight kisses
And dances in the dark
You'd have my all, you have my heart
I'd even get used to wanting
I'm getting used to haunting
The places we used to go
Ignoring the people we used to know
And I feel it still
As I walk myself home
The sinking feeling
Of knowing what I know
The caustic sting
In streetlight glow

You will never want me.