Saturday nights and it appears
I'm still wishing you were here
Even though it could be a million years
And you still wouldn't want me.

I could fight my way through crowds
You could be figuring things out
I'd be scared, I'd be soulless
I'd be whatever just to cope less
And you still wouldn't want me.

And the thought of that it haunts me

Because I'd change my hair
I'd change my clothes
I'd be yours down to my bones
Lose all of me that I have known
And you still wouldn't want me.

I'd do whatever it takes to know you
Be your sun when days are blue
Be the love you never knew
But I feel it in me like a stake through
After doing all that I could do
You still wouldn't want me.

You've never ever wanted me

And I could shut my eyes
And deny the truth
But this right here is real life proof
I've given all I can while she gives none
And you still cannot want me
What does it take for you to want me?

I'd give midnight kisses
And dances in the dark
You'd have my all, you have my heart
I'd even get used to wanting
I'm getting used to haunting
The places we used to go
Ignoring the people we used to know
And I feel it still
As I walk myself home
The sinking feeling
Of knowing what I know
The caustic sting
In streetlight glow

You will never want me.

I'm tired I'm tired
It's the way that I'm wired
I'm tired
Of living this way.
I'm hung and I'm dry
I'm the furthest from high
I'm tired
So I need to find
The sun in the sky.
Because I'm sopping
I'm soaking
I'm tired of hoping
That something is
To be said for coping.
I'm tired
And lonely
And not thinking clearly
If only, if only
The thoughts would
Come slowly
Instead of
A cacophony
Of things I needed to hear.
I'm tired and I need
Something in me
To breathe
To crack and consider
How to be a beginner
Because I'm failing
At anything more.
I'm tired of friends
And I'm tired of ends
Of goodbyes and
Broken ties and tears in my eyes
I am tired.
I think I need to be
In order to see
Those who work best
When they're putting
Doubts in my head
And a sword through my chest
I'm tired of their
Supposed sincerity
And twisted apologises.
It is late and I'm low
I have no more to show
My reel has run fully
It has failed to fool me
As all that it is
Is mine
I am tired, it's true
But I swear it to you
I'll be fine.

The gentle crush of a treasure trove
Beneath my thick soles
Brushing over
And stomping through
Rubies and shining coins
That begin to slowly
Curl up at the sides.
There is a peaceful power
In holding the last of the
Years warmth
Between my palms,
Slowly faded watercolours
That the bees long ago
Neglected
When the chill in the air
Took over from the last
Sleepy rays.
It's a slow route to
Stiff mud and sharp frost
Meandering past
A scene of beauty.
The last of green swiped
Like a paintbrush and
Dotted with sunset spices
Is damp from fairies dew
Beads of glistening diamonds
Atop the fronds
And wetting my feet.
Wings struggle to hide
Among wooden branches
But camouflage completely
When within the fallen riches
At the twisted root
The ground still soft enough
To retrieve the feasts of summer
Before they wither away.
Richer air forms my breath
Free from the thick cling of humidity
And not yet a chill down my throat
The soft wind tickles around me
And all around is golden
The day fading into a ruby glow.

Because summer ends
As it always does
And I'm the one who's still in love
Stupid and young and jaded
Waiting for the giddy heat.

The cooler air
Is bracing and hard
A fairytale of broken parts
That sting in ways they
Really shouldn't.

I cling tightly to the aged dream
Of something sweeter
And shut myself away-
You could always be meaner.

The enchantment of my youth
Is lost in the forest
Locked down in material layers
And words that mean more to me
That were meant when spoken.

You wish me nothing but the best
And avoid my eyes
But not my chest
It's a sweet farewell I'm sure.

When you touch my cheek
It doesn't matter that
I feel so incomplete
As it's the briefest euphoria
And its taste is ambrosia.

The leaves fade past golden
And nothing changes
I wish I could hold on
And everything moves on
Except me.

I fail to adjust to the season
Wither and brown in the cold
I have nothing here to lean on
So I hide and cease to exist
Under a blanket of burnt out stars and sticks.

I'll stay that way until winter
Until frost and ice
Until they know me and
Have caught me in their frozen grip
And I no longer
Give a ****.

That will be the New Year's freedom
And suddenly it will be spring.

And I would have been
What you wanted to see
But that doesn't matter
Because you'll never want me
And all that you wanted
I never could be
Empty dreams fly away
And you set yourself free
Little bird
Hope you like being free
Little bird.

You peeled away my siren skin
When you didn't choose me
Left my shimmering scales
Raw and exposed,
Dripping seawater tears from the
Jagged edges.
You ripped off my disguise
You see,
When you showed just how much
You didn't want me,
A sheep in wolves fur,
Timid and unsuitable
Dragging behind you
And hiding in shallow waters
Until I could smooth my mask
Back into place.
I thought I could rest
In those shallow waters
Not have to show my
Burning cheeks for a little while,
But instead
I floated far out to sea
And in the swirling waters
Dark, inky and cold
I lost my scales.
A siren with a song and beauty
No more
Instead a shark, biting at the ankles
Of those who dare
To sing the sirens song.

You're my Romeo of the dim streets
The master of the dark sheets
That we're drawn to
To hide our shame under
Cheeks flaming with rosy heat.
I seek your
Bedroom eyes at parties
That look straight through me
Wanting someone else instead.
We both ignore the
Inevitable affection of connection
Stone like facades
Worn as a tragedy mask,
Mine cracking from time to time.
As always, I can't escape
My childish long for your
****** words of affection
In bars with sticky tables
And cheap drinks I bought myself.
I savour the warmth of your
Parting embrace
From which I dread letting go
As that means letting you go
In some twisted way.
Then from my tower window
I watch you stumble home
Regret like a crown on my head
And carelessness the emblem
On your shining armour shield
That glows under the amber lamplight
Until it doesn't
And the dim streets are empty once more.