They said I might have Writers Block
But I've never considered myself a "writer"
Writers write for others
Writers write to make others feel emotion
I write for me
I write to unearth all of my emotions
That I buried long ago
I write when my mind can only peace together words
That I'm far to afraid to say aloud
So I write them down
and call them poems
How can I be a writer?
a writer carefully selects and places there words
i just spit them out onto paper
I see no art in my poems
I see me
a person
not an artist
but what is an artist or a writer?
but simply a label
so maybe I can label myself a writer
and fancy calling myself one
maybe I can add a little....
definition
to who I am
to what I do
and maybe it does have to be for just me

you pushed me off a cliff
and he caught me and then brought me to heaven.
and all heaven was,
was a huge blank space with thousands of pictures of eyes.
eyes that stared at me and stared
so I ran  from the eyes
I ran right into the sun
and he followed.
then I hung myself
and fell back to earth.

Can you hear me now?
As my words shatter to the ground
As I turn to let you pick there fragments up
You'll try to put them together
So maybe you can understand
But none of them connect for you
They simple turn to glass
Frozen away in my mind
Never to be transferred
Thats the last time
I'll ever be even partially heard

yes
I heard you
no
I don't listen
yes
I'm a **** up
no
I can't do anything right
yes
I did it to anger you
no
I won't live to see success

Is that what you want to hear?
when you fling your words at me
Will me agreeing make you happy?
actually i don't care

Because

I WILL live to become
my own person
and it's only a matter of years
in till i can leave

Go ahead
make matters worse
punch me
get drunk
get high
go die

Abuse is only one word
and yet you scream so many
why don't you just realize
I can't stand your hate
which you give out plenty

smile
tilt your mind
shake your thoughts
and smile
**** it
lie
lie in till the truth comes
running
blink away it all*
wake up
leave your demented mind
leave it in your sleep
let the dreams define you
show us what we're missing
and give us a **** smile
because our cameras
don't want your pain
we want you
your soul
end it
and smile
in your sleep
my darling
with every flash
of my camera
I give a picture
to the world
of that smile
of that endless smile
that smile
that has no worth
anymore

I just want to run
as fast as possible
gaining distance from everything
just not BE for a while
I want to be able to think without my mental blocks
I want to be able to dream without sleeping for hours
I want my mind to be in sync with my feet
as I run
I want to have some sort of outlet