Happy spring*
I whispered to the pine
What I couldn't tell your eyes
Because you weren't human after all;
Just another loaded gun.

You are the vibrations;
deep blues
orange saturations
feathered red
drips of copper
yellow strands
charcoal shadow of the sea
river in my veins.

I got up this morning and took a shower
Put on my makeup for almost an hour
All in the hopes that someone would give me a second glance
Possibly meet the love of my life by chance
But no one turned
My stomach churned
No one looked up
My heart is saying to just give up
The man I thought would love me only loves himself
I'm having urges to cut myself

Why am I not good enough?

It must be me
Something within me that people don't see
Both my siblings are happily in love
I try to to patient, to wait for the right guy
But It's killing me, always fighting back the urge to cry..

My mind is a garden;
Overgrown,
Blooming far to much for my own good.
Every August a flower appears to shower me with water,
Touch a petal to my cheek,
And wilt away
As each
"I love you"
Turns frail in my fingertips.
A red rose grew
Ridden with thorns;
I couldn't hold on long
Without bleeding.
Garden filled with weeds
petals blocking sun,
Impossible to breathe.
Red as fire,
Borne of blood
Dew turned to rain
Until I couldn't tell tears
From flood.
I loved you still.
Winter came and nipped your neck
But you grew
Into someone else's garden.
And on valentines day,
You made her eyes like daisies.

is a weird thing.
I haven't realized that I've grown up.
Being a Summer baby I've always focused on the fact that everyone's getting older than me.
The only time I realize how much time has passed is when I look at the people around me.
Cousins who I saw the day they were born are now entering kindergarten.
Sisters go from being innocent little girls making words out of barrettes have suddenly picked up smoking, and a number of boys with bad reputations, and a hatred for me.
Friends are planning their futures, living in cities far from the ones that we had known.
And I didn't even realize what I've become.
I'm living the dream I've had since I was small, walking the streets I've thought about since I was a little girl, being responsible after realizing that 'out of control' was not a phase that suited me.
Time passes so quickly, and I didn't even realize it until I took a step back.

She smelled strongly of coffee and cigarettes.
Was that the last time that we met? I forget.
I dreamt about her breath, her beautiful face.
They still permeate every single membrane.
I wake, my fingers ache to lay on soft skin.
*But emptiness fills the air, and she isn't there.