Caroline K

Caroline K Aug 2013

"My dear what's wrong?"
Blink, shake my head,
Back to reality.
"Nothing." I mutter.

"Baby, what's with the frown?"

Slap a smile on,
"Hi how are you? Table for two?"
They go to their table and I'm back on my cloud.
I'm zoning out.

"What are you thinking about?"

I smile at the ground.
How many red bulls would it take to burst my little red ticker?

"Oh," Eyes still on the ground, "I'm just zoning out."

How long can I not eat for until my body hits the ground and I pass out?

"For the deck it's a twenty minute wait."
Smile.

Oh if they only knew what I was thinking about.

How long can I scratch my arm until I can pull out all the bad thoughts from under my skin?

How many cigarets do I need before I suffocate?

"Caroline, seriously what's wrong?"

Smile, "Truly I'm fine."
I look you in the eye until you believe my painted smile.

You don't care, I could slit my throat and yes you would be upset that you didn't help.
Maybe you would have cared more if you were to see new scars.
Maybe you wouldn't say you like me then not texts me back for a whole day,
Maybe you shouldn't stay over anymore,
Maybe you should stop saying you want to figure me out,
I told you I'm a waste of time, you'll never see what lies behind these eyes.
Trust me I have so much to give,
And for you,
You get none.
Until you kiss me
and I'm suddenly hungry.

Caroline K Jul 2013

Dreamhouse

Let's play a game,
with these red and white bicycle cards.
With our hands intertwined,
let's create the frame for a home,
of hearts and good intentions.
All the faces where on the inside,
eyes open with nothing to hide.
Let's create this house for our paper bodies,
filled with our paper love,
created from the one look spark,
our glass hearts couldn't contain the heat, so
love destroyed us.
Pick through the ashes
only bones, a skeleton of what we were,
gray powder on the ground that covers the roses.
Nothing left but the look of death in her eyes.
They said she changed after that.
They said she stares at herself in the mirrors of glass.
They say it's because she doesn't just see herself.
He's the the dark blue lines that bleed into her pupils,
he's in her veins.
Deep blue water that flowed free is now frozen,
but when she is alone with the mirrors
she isn't cold anymore.

Caroline K Jul 2013

3:12

Parked on the dashboard,
hidden behind the rumble of the motor.
Cut the power,
she is now slipped between
the darkness of shaded smiles.

Try to map your way
through the blankets covering
our porcelain skin,
splattered color,
alive and eye catching camouflage,
the curtain masking the backstage magic.

Expectations of how attraction should act,
(eye catching)
distracting to wallflower blooming.
Blending into the wallpaper viewing,
not shy when words that are collected and
correct on a situation,
and the significant color of your aura.

Will you be gold and
feed the flourishing flesh of growing flow.
Will you view
the tickle of the tangled infestation
of roots, as the
bottom of a plant,
Or as the foundation of
life to a silent wallflower blossom?

Show how honest,
you with the golden aura can be.
Maybe you,
can peek behind the curtain but
you must give, to gain the trust of the unseen.

Caroline K Jul 2013

the one

our love could be a different kind of beautiful.
one where we don't raise our voices to hear each other.
one where we only want the best for each other.
one where that can make it past a sea of land dividing our hands.
one where we buy a house on the west side,
so we can watch the sun slip into the arms of the sea each night.
one where we miss out on.
one where I never forget you,
and you never forget me.
our love could be the one that is forever.

maybe our forever isn't together, maybe our forever is as friends.
and maybe I was foolish to say goodbye
and maybe it was wise to end it last night.
time time time will only tell, or maybe the silence will be times answer.

Caroline K Jul 2013

Cheater Cheater

Forty feet above the flowers,
we revealed scars from
past self harm.
He listened to
the reasons I cross my arms
in front of my chest,
to protect my heart.

They were glossy he said,
my eyes never could mask my emotions.
He pulled me in
and rubbed my back.
We were both broken half's.

I believed his words when,
he told me I was young
and it didn't matter,
one kiss
is all it was
between friends.

He questioned
if it was the song bring the tears
because it spoke about being there
for someone forever,
even in their absents.
I shook my head,
for leaving doesn't make me sad.
He asked if it was him,
I shook my head again.

He cradled me in his arms.
Wiped the tears
from my cheek with his white t.
The tears were for the same
reasons as the scars.

My eyes were daggers he said,
and it's because
I was destroying the invisible insides with razors.

Caroline K Jul 2013

Pseudo Paradise

Feeling anonymous in their eyes
Searching their face for familiar traces,
Incognito to their judgment,
As you pass on the sidewalk.
Foreign to street names and
Where they lead to,
Free to get lost in the abyss.
The night lights substitute for a compass,
As we walk hand and hand.
All contained under the cosmic splattered tar.
The anonymous urban life,
We belong,
Falling into each others heart beats,
And the hum of the traffic beneath our heads
As we float into a dreamland.

Caroline K Jul 2013

How to fall asleep.

3 am,
Lost the remembrance of
how to sleep
and the taste of
the once blissful dreams that
occur after your head has hit the sheets.
How to fall asleep?
When the night time fire of
all the bad things keep
the lids of your eyes from falling involuntary.
Not even the puddle
that your eyes now soak in
can save you from the heat.
What works to lay infants to sleep
should allow you some peace,
But quick breath and dark things
seem to never flee.
How to fall asleep?
When knowing despite breathing z's
they are only a short pause from
all the destruction that will be at your feet
when you reluctantly awake.
Eternal sleep seems to the be
only way to escape dreary reality.
How to fall asleep?