Caroline B

Caroline B Mar 2015

I didn't even know her.
She was just this girl.
Sure she seemed nice,
She seemed happy.
But
I
Did
Not
Know
Her
So why can’t I stop
Seeing.
Seeing her body plummet
To the murky water below.
Imagine
The panic she felt as she drove
to the bridge,
Mind racing,
palms sweating,
Or maybe perfect calm,
Content in her decision
To die.
Maybe i wanna know why.
Why she did it,
Why I cried.
Why I did not know her,
Will never know her

I would've been that girl.
The one teachers quietly
Announced their passing.
Maybe I cried cause they cried,
The teachers.
Maybe i cried cause it was selfish to cry.
She seemed so happy,
But why did she want to
die?

Caroline B Mar 2015

Push against the wrong

Children teach us more than growth
They teach us the pushing of boundaries,
The breaking of restraints.

A child screams and fights against a rule
Until it is changed.
We are taught that we can not change things
But we grew up through change
We are created by change
And we create using change
Change is in our nature,
In our souls and beings.
We will always push against those rules,
The ones we do not understand,
Scream and fight until we win,
And pull the change onto our bodies
Seeing if it’s the right fit.
Trying over and over again,
To see if where we moved is comfortable,
Always searching for the deeper waters,

Caroline B Oct 2013

****

***** you
You hurt me once
Shame on you
You hurt me twice
Shame on me
You hurt me thrice
Shame on who?
Shame and blame go hand in hand
But am I to blame for this ****** up day?
Or are you to blame for making it this way?
**** this and *******.
You don’t deserve me
And I don’t deserve you.
What in the ******* hell
Are we going to do?

Caroline B Oct 2013

The places we went

I liked it.
I liked the paths your words took me on.
The intermingling ideas and thoughts,
Contradicting each other.

The secret language you taught me to speak.
It felt special, and different.
But really, I was never fluent.
Maybe you never were either.
You just enjoyed the struggle.

I enjoyed the fight.
The winning or the losing.
Not the questioning and guilt.
But now I know that I lost that fight.
But so did you.

Caroline B Oct 2013

Ghostly existence

The ghosts that **** your soul
**** it into their deep,dark, empty hole
They take your dark, and make it light
Turning what used to be wrong, to right.

They are afraid of you
But yet their presence sticks like glue.
Causing this icky, sticky feeling
Which aided in a concealing.

Truthfully, you have the strength
To keep them at arm’s length.

Caroline B Feb 2013

The breakdown of beauty

Enchanting.
Appealing.
Charming.
Darling.
Pretty.
Usual.
Dull.
Off.

Caroline B Feb 2013

Mask of gladness

Tomorrow is a new day with
Happiness is all around.
Everything is perfect.

Painfully bright smiles on my face
All the time.
I laugh once more,
No cracks in my armor to be seen.

I am strong and Beautiful,
So immutable.

Unquestionably warmer I've become.
Negatively surrounded by
All that is sublime.
Cool touches of serenity
Caress my soul.
Empathy.
Pity.
Tenderness.
Appreciation.
Benevolence and
Love in
Everyone but me.