i've always been so vivacious and bubbly
constantly going out of my way
just to say a simple
hi

but lately, i have been finding it
extremely difficult to breathe
when anyone glances at me
i feel my sanity flowing out of my fingertips
i'm drowning in my own
nothingness

your silky skin is peeking from
the hole at the bottom of your jeans
you give me the vaguest stare
i have no choice but to stare back
until i can see the stars in your eyes
and how they connect into constellations
that tell stories about where you've come from
i read them all day long

i watch as you drift off
hiding from your thoughts that tell you
that you're inadequate
and see your every breath become slower
the rhythm of them makes my heart swell
it is its own kind of art
something unexplainable to behold
i sit in awe as i realize
what you mean to me

i probably have to leave*

what a roller coaster this simple phrase
has sent me on today
i stumbled through classes and down halls
groggily sitting in shock all day
never processing a word
i've shut down and find myself wasting away
writing about you to no end

i wish i could wash you and strip off your sins
myself
but i know that you must fight for yourself
so much innocence still glistens in you
whether you like it or not
i wish it would overpower you

you cannot leave, i'm pleading
after all we've had
this cannot be how it ends
but if it is
take my blanket to remember me by
for when i was weak
i draped it over me and thought of
your blissfully crooked grin

i am what crashes with the tides
on the beach
tucked between pages of your
favorite book
resting within the soft-hearted lyrics
swimming through your veins
making you think before you speak
i'm blooming with the gardenias
fresh and bold
thriving in laughter from innocent lips

you may not see me but my love
consistently follows you, dear

why yes,
you did love me first

but i loved you more.

my family giggling in the living room
i gulped the cider and slipped outside
unnoticed, of course
outside i glance at the window
they have each other
but i am empty

my view is black and white
in contrast to the falling snow
i wish to feel numb to all things
the chill nips at my ears
i slide the zipper down my coat
and slip it off to reveal my tee
pleading that the frosty air
clamp down on me

lost in a world of blissful darkness
i unravel even more
and lie in my shorts
on the cold ground
so emotionless and young
never have i been
more morbidly aware of my loneliness
never have i been
so satisfied

i've the most difficult time
explaining myself
though my thoughts are quite simplistic
all i've ever wanted
is a cup of coffee and a lullaby
a crown of flowers
a night molded to your curves
and stretches of your ribcage
to sink my face into your chest
and hide myself
until i awake with the light of morning
cooing to me, gently gliding down my back
alongside your hand
a sleepy conscious resides
in my heart of silk and porcelain