you are still the one person
i long for when
i'm wide awake
at 2 a.m.
*i think that says a lot

I spend the majority
of my time awake
wishing to be asleep

I spend the majority
of my time asleep
dreaming I was with you

you swine,
i had just met you
then a day later you held my face
called me gorgeous
then proceeded to call me
and continuously fantasize about
making out with
innocent little me

you rose,
we did not flirt
but we were so honest
i trusted you with everything
you're the sweetest guy
i've ever talked to
but you deleted me from your life
i'm not sure why

you child,
i ran after you in 8th grade
you flirted with me
only for your amusement i suppose
since i caught you kissing
on another
now we're best friends

you soul *******
beautiful
terrible
sweet creature,
you read me like an open book
you knew of my innocence
but were aware of
other tendencies without me even
addressing it.
you held me and hit me
i love you i hate you

*love, caroline.

i’m drowning in my own
definition of beauty
i look around and see it
hidden in spoken words
dancing on the curves of smiles
bouncing out in laughter
but i glance down at my thighs
and wonder if i’ll ever find the courage
to see it rushing through
my own veins

lately i’ve been screaming out
in hopes that someone will return my cries
but i realize that i’m shouting
into a broken, lonely
black void
and now i’ve draped a veil
around the tenderness of my heart
i throw away to anyone who gives me
the slightest **** sense of affection
and maybe someone will convince me
that good love will find me
on its own

for half a year
i loved then hated
cried then cut
gasped for air only to suffocate
hoped then lost it all
but now i sleep
avoid eye contact
smile and try my best
to feel nothing

a year ago
you took my hand
placed it on your heart
then snapped my wrist
five months ago
you texted me good morning
then ignored me for a month
two months ago
you placed a flower in my hair
smirked
then set my locks on fire
yesterday
you kissed me in my dreams
but slapped me when i woke up
i still wait for you