Too heavy to comprehend,
This hold is tearing my blistered hands,

My ****** feet are staining the ground beneath me,
As I’m struggling to type the words that make me, who I am,

It’s like these keys are falling from my reach,
I’m writing as fast as I can,
As quickly as the sinking sands of an hourglass,
My existence measured through what can be physically perceived,
We are able to understand,

It hurts but not like breaking up with a cliché girlfriend,
This burns much more than ending a relationship based on ***,

I loved her,
Oh how much I miss you Sam,
I’m having trouble turning the page,

Too heavy to comprehend,
The end of something so beautiful,
Something that made me a man,
But I guess we weren’t working parts of the Almighty’s plan
It’s so hard to see us end,

I tried to salvage a relationship founded on love,
I tried to change before you witnessed the monster within me,
I tried to save, the beauty we discovered,
As I wrapped you in my arms,  
Before we fell,

But it isn’t my fault,
And the blame is not yours,
When we both ****** up from the start,
Two young lovers, with so much heart,
It’s so sad this is how we had to depart,
But I will always have a place for you in my heart,
Jesus we will talk,

To intense to endure this mentality,
The human condition was not meant for this kind of pestilence,  ,
This kind of using,
When the ingestion leaves you mentally cringing,

I  was consuming for the feelings of escaping thieves,
To vicariously experience something just as devious,
As I put my faith in capsule cradled dependencies,
“******* it’s so hard to type with keys that keep falling from my reach”

May I experience such a moment of going beyond what only my sobriety may perceive,
For only an instance before I go back to the way things use to be,
Please,

Am I a pioneer or a deviant, an explorer or a ******?

Pupils suspended like flying saucers, smearing across a starry sky,
The eyes that exemplify my concocted climb,
The sights that remind me I’m destined to decline,
But not before a few more twists and turns along this mentally mutilated ride,

“******* Jen can you come soon so we socialize before I’m institutionalized”
I didn’t know I’d be hindered by the human condition,
I didn’t want to be alone,  

Thinking I’d be mentally prepared and not physically impaired,
Ever after it’s end, I am still unable to comprehend, something made by man,

Bringing me close enough to consider, the divinity of the whitest doves and the blood of lamb,
Like a pagan explanation to why we act this way,
This ingestion had left me somewhat insane,
Afraid of what others can create in this century,

So I pray that you will heed what I have to say,
So I hope you stay away from something that may leave you a casket-case  
Because there isn’t anyway to save us all from seeking to flee this reality,
And momentarily forgot about the ugliness of our actual identities.

Twenty-three and coming from my teens
I’ve developed along already categorized genes,
By those who think they know me,
When I’m only twenty-three with a molding mentality

I was once vicariously raised through parentally guided means
Socially slit by those that promised me prosperity if I was studious,

Taught the importance of individuality,
Yet forced to be obedient
Then indoctrinated with an educator’s prescription,
An addiction they picked up in a higher institution

I’m finding it hard to follow your lead, when you found nourishment in my youthful innocence,

Socially stitched through generationally fostered fixes
Notions that you could promise me providence,
I’ve been cradled in a crib riddled with termites

Time shows little sympathy for those who have yet to comprehend the promise of a six foot end,

Yet you trained me to believe you didn’t domesticate me
Despite being conceived in a place I was not well received,
You taught the importance of obedience
Yet I’m finding it hard to accept your ancestral credence,

When this place has been passed along bloodlines,
When my generationally guided grandparents' felt the final close of their eyes,
And left me a world pieced together by both atrocities and glimpses of humanity

I’m finding it hard to speak in a world with such narcissistic sympathies of the traditionally raised

Yet I’m socially sutured by the fact that I still breathe,
While being born in a place that once found stability through a slave trade,
A middle passage that led to a devious democracy
I’m so grateful we can mend what barbarians once began,

I’ve had time to age, enough to take the reins,

Though before we build our shrines of this age,
You can still pray for something beyond the grave,
Yet never forget how we've been stranded, left here to continue, or to fray,
To humanize a species that earth derived,
Or to let the braids of life untwine and give way,  
During our generations' stay.

Leashed by loves lynch till I’m dropped by my lack of respect for the beauty’s presence
Thank god she wasn’t curbside taking tips with perked lips for a stranger’s ****** fix,
But I needed to feel the evidence that the pieces fit,
That’s why this is about me and a barstool princess

Getting close enough to taste the moans of *****’s venom
Get close enough so I can know my needs can be fulfilled

Like a lunar eclipse this species keeps grinding its teeth when teased
Time and time again we’ve been taunted by,
The mistress our ancestors once described as the serpent of Eve,  
When procreation was preached as an STD

Yet we’ve been perpetually pivoting,
To defy the chastity of a species

Grandfathered misconceptions relating to why you and I exist  
As wickedness warms in the covers of the lustfully parallel
So let’s drown in this bliss,

From head to toe, eye caught, grazes at the nose,
From the bar stool to a lonely man’s home,
From one dollar tips for two *** and cokes
To the bedroom of this writing,
The nights like this, that remind me I am alone

But this isn’t about me loathing the fact that I won’t hear her whispering for more body warmth,
Nor am I looking for you to pity me because I’ll be sleeping solo
Enough is enough since we are humans seeking ****** catacombs

I’ll try to be an adult about how the human molds but it started me at childhood,
When those that conceptualized love gave me this world,
And now I no longer have to listen to what I’ve been told

This is about how to perceive something we can never truly control,
Lucky enough to avoid a contraceptive despite unable to remember the doctor’s pull,
Its night’s like this I get to question,
When will my sheets meet the perfect fit?
When will this be more than just a humanizing fix?

Hand on the good book that I never read,
I swore my loyalty though you know I like to fib,
Even as your see the guilt gushing beneath my skin,
I’ve been holding the prosecutor’s hand, with another on the switch,

A spineless snitch waiting for the green light to fry you for what Benjamin did,

So sorry this couldn’t have been different,
But the chair only seats one according to our governance,
And I’m not the victim with a scheme preached as providence

So sorry for the inconvenience
But I want to feel the pulse of the pompous cease,
And watch the stillness of eyes that once blinked,
When they found the oval throne of a tyrant
Instead of the virtuous,
The one who was to lead us,

So who’s stopping me from strapping you to that seat?
Since my crime caused the scene
Since your fathers where the ones who put your sons to sleep

Coming from the cranial cracks of the insane,
Those that tried justified slavery while promising us all equality

I am the reason they put price tags on humans
And why this isn’t the land of the free

I’m the governor forcing your loyalty
Or I tell everyone you’re a traitor before finding you guilty,

I’m Uncle Sam’s mistress,
The thought process of social unrest,
When the enemy was a homegrown threat,
When Plymouth protest turned to disobedience,
I was with the Protestant,

I’m the crack in the Liberty Bell,
The judge, jury, and judicial jezebel,

The King, the colonial, the freedom fighter, the insurgent
I’ve once facilitated your independence,
I was your lust for a better existence

Since the struggle against a parliament
I’ve been dealing you an idealistic hand,
Since the election of the forty-third,
I am the notion that this isn’t the promise land
Like a revolutionary remedy
I am the idealistic ******,

The enemy of our mentalities
The thought of defying the constraints this reality

Awaking to tangle toes and sunlight woes,
Noticing the lines of light slipping through the blinds of my bedroom window,
Outlining the voluptuous beauty I met the night before,

Our angled shoulders showed us how far we were willing to go,
How close it took for us to see that this was more than just barstool’s hello,  

Though before we settled the score,
I just wanted to be the bartender’s chore,
I didn’t know what to think when we found a catacomb of salvation within sheets once used for,
Covering those I use to bring home,
Those without self control,

Already in the lead after awakening to a morning of migraines and meaning
I’m about to see you to the bottom of a bottle and its only 10:15

Forgetting my chivalry for a chance to defy their chastity
What are positives of monogamy?
What is the probability that this will unfold into anything more
Besides a need to fill a void, to humanly heal  

It’s is time see if this more than just a physical dependency we both adore.

Beauty between the sheets where once my lust ended with a ****** sleep,
My god we just meant and I know I’m not thinking with a humanizing member,
But with a heart that dictates the breath I need when I pray for what might come to be
  
Beauty I met at a barstool,
It didn’t take a dogma’s loyalty to put your leash on me,
The type of woman I’ve always feared,
An Achilles who could handle her heels

Beauty I met while we sipped on something stronger than wine,
When we crossed a line that only those who dare to chance being physically combined,
By sunrise I pray you will be mine

The kind of woman I need to keep me line
The kind of beauty my mind could never describe,
The kind of Woman a Shakespeare could never scribe,