I am window shopping missing you
clenching my teeth for something I can't afford
that could live without me anyway.

I'm sorry everything I did was just sweet way to make you leave,
surfing on waves made of maybe I'll kiss you again
getting high off disappointment without knowing that's really how all those movies end.
And all you wanted was my heart on a plate
and baby, maybe I said no,
but I'm still bleedin' from the hole.

And I backtrack all the slanders for the moments you got me to believe in you.

I may have made up a lot of dumb excuses
but they were exclusively to your benefit.

and I remembered the line in your shoulder
and the wine I had out of a water bottle last night
and how everyone around me was on acid
and how I was 22 and if I got cancer this early
at least I didn't know about it yet.

and I wasn't scared
and I wasn't scared
and I practiced what it felt like so I could remind myself later.

I'd like the skin of my teeth to bleed from straining, thank you.

My jaw lies broken open from the punches
and if I'd have been tied to a chair,
it would have been more fun.

All your dreams were screaming kids in a car wreck on fire.
So, **** the ******* gun already.

I'm a flying high dive broken vertebrae disaster
go ahead and try to take my marrow out.

I made my bed I'll lie in it.
I made my bed I'll die in it.

I paused the movie to hear the couple fighting outside.
She said "You haven't talked to me at all tonight!"
and he said "What?"

But I know what they really meant to say was "I get stupid when I see you and I don't know what to do about it."
Then she slapped him and ran back inside crying.
It was an awkward moment for me in someone else's life.

It made me think about the video on how penguins mate forever.
And about how we're not penguins and how monogamy makes promises like traps
And how the only thing we have in common with penguins
is that we give each other rocks
and that means I love you until the sun explodes.

And how?

How come penguins can get it more right than us?
They can't even fly.

And when I watched this kid clutch his face as he wondered what he did wrong,
I can't help but ******* hate
all the happy penguins for him.

You stupid penguins,
you all look like you're going to a fancy party all the time
you stupid penguins
you run like your pants are down
you stupid penguins
you're gonna have someone to sit on the couch with forever
and you can't even fly!

What happens when you realize your penguin lover is immature
and he overeats the fish
and he's always late to things?

What happens when you realize your she-penguin has really bad penguin depression and you don't know how to deal with it?

What happens when you realize you both met too early and now you're different penguins?

I'll tell you what happens.
They stay together.
You know why?
Because he gave her a ROCK.
That's why.
Because, to penguins
rocks mean more than mortgages
and wanting to go to Hawaii
and step children
and sprinklers
and school districts.
They can keep a marriage alive with some instincts
and a ******* egg to sit on.
PENGUINS
Stay together longer than 50% of any couple you've ever met

And they can't even fly!

But maybe a bird
that knows how to fall in love better than us
doesn't need to know how to do that.

You had me at
"Lock the door."

By the hand shy of my chest
By the bated teeth-bared breath
By the mirror looks brushing teeth
By the casual fingers on my thighs at rest
By the grip
By the spit
By the yes of the fingertips
But mostly to me

By the straining of the neck muscles when it looks like I might leave.