Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Not once, not twice, a thousand times or more
I want to change, pursuing the perfect of lore
Wishing to be the person everyone loves; not a façade
A gilded cover I wear so well, my shelter; my god
This wasn’t my hope; this wasn’t my dream
I want to be the person that to others I seem
But I’m painfully aware, what a shattered mess
Broken to pieces, who wouldn’t think less
Less of the person they thought they knew
It’s their own fault, they never even wanted to
Be there, be helpful, be heard, be kind
And you’re surprised I say, “There’s no hope to find”

I wish I could stand, could fight; be brave
I’ve tried before, when I was young, and naïve
Over time I thought I’ve been beaten down
But gotten back up, gone for another round
But the whole time I’m bound to the floor
Helplessly dying, drowning in my own ****** gore
My appearance is a hero, dashing, strong and calm
But my heart is pinned, consumed by my qualm
I want to be good, I want to be right
Sometimes I hate my deceitful sight
But whenever I’m sure hope is in my grasp
A fiery strike from truth; that poison snake; that asp

Hands and heart are bound, but my tongue is free
Free to get up and run, but my eyes cannot see
I need a hope, a hand to hold, a voice to follow
But no one’s here; not friend at least, there be a horde of foe
I want to scream, but I’ve tried that before
I confess I’m lost! A broken heart alone on the floor
When do I get saved? I can’t rely on myself
My tormenters wait to put my heart upon the shelf
Another trophy, another victory won
Please, dear God, don’t turn and run
You could win; you could save me couldn’t you?
I’m helpless, there’s nothing left for me to do

But why won’t you show or speak, or rescue me?
Now Now Little Heart, don’t yearn
the tides of time will sweep you away
And you will go under

The manly spells are many here
What you must realize is this aching may never be filled
Hold that empty space in your hand
See it filled with delighted wonder
People, places, excitements and thrills
Like every other temporary form
We grasp
Clutching into the dark that lives inside of us
The wanting echoes in those labyrinthine halls
The light lives there too
It’s true, we are destined to want
The thrill of touching another, the safety of an embrace, the sweetness of a lover’s smile,
the comfort of companionship, the steady hand of shared fate,
as these things help us grow, serving our soul, as do all others.
But my Little Heart, beauty is here, the invitation remains open for us to see
these laws of attraction
Written by a greater mind,
Played out in the intricate web of human interaction
Where fate, destiny, serendipity are all foreign concepts until one steps back and realizes the magic surrounding our existence in every moment we breathe
The magic has found you, you are here in the now, if you are reading this,
you are alive, what a gift then, to laugh and sing and play!
Smile big, bigger than your sorrow, the delicious ambiguity of our own mystery will make you chuckle with notions of absurdity.
Stop looking, now all you do is find. What a joke! Cosmic humor sublime.
Inner will guides you, dropping breadcrumbs in the forest (Will it ever be a whole loaf?)
Listen for its clues amongst the chaotic chorus of the locust trill,
the beauty of your birdsong shines through, see its manifestations in the open doors,
feel the pull of your heart guiding you through with its initial surge of affirmation amongst the daily swirl of doubt,
read the natural signage, One, two, three.  
Oh my little heart, your family’s love is strong
Know that on the mortal plane you are never abandoned, you have a home here in my own humble host; you must never despair, although you will, for our human circumstance demands this anguish until it is vanquished by our own command
Embrace the whole of your emotional spectrum as you would a beloved brother,
the downs teach as well as the ups,
no longer associate negativity with your emotional make up,
sometimes your body demands rest and some mistake it for sadness,
be with it then and know this life as your time for discovery,
the bricks are laid with every new step forward and backwards upon the path into the unknown that is universally shared by all.
How wonderful that we found each other here, in this moment, does it not fill you with awe?
The predestined chance?
Transform the ennui surrounding the seeming tedium,
washing dishes,
sweeping floors,
these instead are understood as sacred movements,
realize the sheer weight of wonder in being, standing in an elevator with a stranger,
sonder
You will smile again in the sun,
you will feel its warmth on your face and be sure of God’s eternal love,
the clouds come and go, drifting as they please,
shade and snow sometimes invite the cold, but remember, always remember, your warmly worth
Now and always, Breathe deeply,
And if you ever feel like your ship may never come into port, 
sunsets are just as beautiful by land as by sea.
 Nov 2013 Carla Michelle
bb
Blow smoke rings the size of my neck and make me feel just as insignificant. My collarbones don't dissipate into the air when you touch them but I wish that I could sublimate when your fingers are barely touching my skin and gliding up. I shouldn't trust you as far as I can throw you, but I just want to throw myself against you and collide your mouth against mine as though our lips were two raindrops on the window crashing towards each other with no stopping, both thinking "oh my god oh my god oh my god" before we morph into one.
I am so used to feeling like garbage, so for once, pretend like the beads of sweat on my neck are diamonds and tell me I'm your precious stone and don't let this sapphire night escape us without drawing ruby drops of blood from my tongue.
There are some things my mother never told me, like "always make sure that the boy you meet is actually alive, and not just an empty puppet being pulled by the heart strings" and "never trust a boy with sleepy eyes", but it's always good to know these things ahead of time because one day he will have your heart in his hands and won't have anything for you and one day you will realize that he's always tired because he spends all of his time thinking about someone that isn't you. And knowing what I know now compared to what I knew then makes me wish I never ached to squirm under your hands and makes me regret every moment I spent longing to fill very space between your fingers because now I can't stop writing about it.
Do you know about the garden of dead boys? It can be found in the place where the roses die. There is a "keep out" sign designed to not seem so until it's too late.  Until then, it appears to say "I love you" and you will wander in. But if you find yourself asking him "where have you been all my life", that's the time to run while you can because maybe he never actually existed.
-b.b.
A joker  
A partner
A friend    
A lover (?)  

Suave                
Too copacetic    
For even you      
To handle            

Yet                                          
When I am in your presence
I cannot help                            
But feel                                        

The inferno                                        
That radiates                                        
Through our bodies                              
    In astonishing harmony                        

  So much so                                                    
That a single graze of your skin on mine    
Sets the entirety of my figure                          
A blaze
Next page