When you sit in your room and cry,
You can't blame me,
For I did nothing wrong.

When you decide that you don't want to go to school,
You can't face their taunts and teases,
You can't blame me.

When you find that the one person that you trusted, turned against you,
You can't blame me,
For I did nothing wrong.

When you find me sitting here,
My blood barely seeping through my hallowing veins,
You can't blame me,
For I just found an escape.

But you see,
While you can't blame me for any of these things,
I can...

There are so many people that could just make you or break you,
The constant remarks and snickers from other girls that you are too fat,
You stop eating all together,
How could people be so obnoxious?
If you're not a size 6 you are not good looking,
You won't eat again until you are just skin and bones,
You won't ever be as perfect as those models, NEVER.
You develop a constant obsession with being perfect,
When really you can't see what you are doing to yourself.
Others around you notice but choose to ignore.
When one day you have a fight with your mother in public,
She calls you 'A stupid, ugly, anorexic *****',
But this deosn't sting anymore because you are so used to abuse from her,
She frequently tries to run you out of the family,
Not even caring that you are her own flesh and blood,
Her fear controls her,
The fear of having one of 'those' people in her family overrules her judgment,
The times you needed her she turned her back,
Every action you did made her loath you even more,
She puts in a face to please those around her,
But you know the real her,
And your are ashamed to call her, but still do,
Your mother.

The more you push me away, the worse it gets.
You make it worse.
The worse it gets, the more it hurts.
You hurt me.
The more it hurts, the harder it gets.
You make it hard.
It gets harder and harder and I just can't seem to cope anymore.
You made me do it.
You pushed and pushed me until I broke.
You shall one day break from the pressure of holding it in,
All alone.
You shall one day break just as you broke me.

This glass wall,
It holds me back,
So I'm stuck here,
Off the track.

I don't know how I got here,
It's been a long time in the coming,
Although I lack in the courage,
Still I keep going and going.

Until one day I gave up,
I couldn't fight it any more,
This overwhelming black darkness,
Just bashing at my door.

I don't know why I let it in,
I didn't have the energy I suppose,
For I have been knocked down,
Weak for, only god knows.

It creeps through my veins,
Like poison eating away,
The life drained out of me,
No energy at any time of day.  

For life without you,
Would be this way,
I hope I have the ability,
To outlive this day.

If you take away my poetry,
That would be the end,
Destroying along with it a part of me,
That would never be fixable again.

It is in my soul,
Part of my life,
For you may as well just hand me,
A bit of rope and a knife.

For I can not live without my escape,
To a far away land,
Where no one can judge you,
For reading a book on the sand.

There are books a plentiful,
And movies to take,
For everyone is trustworthy,
And we make few mistakes.

That's the life I look forward to,
Just look and you'll see,
No one wants to be trapped here,
On this planet for eternity.
So don't take away,
My poetry from me,
It is, in fact,
My last resort at regaining,
My lost sanity.