Today,
You spoke those oh so divine words.
The one's I'd been longing to hear,
Alas, directed towards me.

I asked you of what your mind,
Was so thoroughly focused upon,
And you grinned in skepticism.
At that point I knew.

I knew you were going to articulate,
Those words I'd die to hear.
And I swore that I wanted to hear them.
Until you finally surrendered.

"I was thinking about...
How much I love you," You said.  
My reply, "Good.
Because I was thinking about the same thing."

"I love you too."

I knew I should have told you,
The second I saw you today.
But, as you were,
I was skeptical.

Wrongly so,
For I knew it was my destiny,
To tell you on that day...
Regardless of your reply.

I was afraid it was too early,
But now I realize,
It was almost too late.
It was too late.

I should have told you,
As soon as I knew.
It may have solved everything.
But I didn't.

For that, I apologize.
But I vow to love you,
Until there is not a drop of love,
To be found on this Earth.

Until then,
I will search the morning dew,
Every rain cloud,
And every puddle...

I love you.
It was too late to be early.
Yet, nonetheless,
I mean all three words.

This empty bed,
Only reminds me where you're not.
It reminds me where you are.
And that you're not here.

These songs remind me of us.
When we rapped them together,
Or when we danced in the parking lot,
To Jack Johnson.

This pizza reminds me of you,
Because we only eat it together.
And it makes me sick.
So I leave it be.

This game reminds me,
Of when I tried to teach you to play.
So I lay the controller down,
And turn the tv off.

Even writing this,
Reminds me of you.
But it helps get my mind off of it.
But not really.

This kitchen reminds me of you.
And when we cooked dinner.
Or when I made you pancakes,
While you were in the shower.

This shower reminds me of you.
Because I love the way your hair looks,
When you get out.
And when we cleansed each other.

This car reminds me of you.
And all of the places we've been.
Your house, mine...
The hospital...

This empty bed,
Only reminds me of where you're not.
It reminds me where you are.
And that you're not here...

So I sleep on the couch.

Drink your sorrows not,
For when the alcohol is diminished,
And sobriety creeps upon you,
Sorrow will shortly follow.

I yearn for your voice.
For it is the remedy for this distance.
And this Distance seems to be,
The archenemy of Bliss.

He waits patiently for his chance,
To ambush an unknowing victim.
Yet Bliss walks by our side,
When You and I are hand-in-hand.

He has no conscience.
And he walks with Bliss,
After his victim has fallen.
Yet Bliss, too, is another of his victims.

I yearn for that voice,
To be a shield against Distance.
And You, my sword.
For with you, I can defeat him.

For now, Bliss is nowhere to be found.
So Distance is here with me.
Bow at the ready,
Waiting for me to turn my back.

But I know he is there,
So turn my back, I shall not.
I play your voice over and over,
In my head, and Distance has been parried.

I wait for your return,
So I may take the offensive,
Against this villain,
And destroy him.

For I know when you return,
Bliss will be at your side,
And together,
We shall impale Distance.

If my tears were tequila,
I'd drink just enough,
To drown my sorrows,
And nothing more.

I'd be able to cry when necessary,
Instead of banishing tears within.
I'd be able to bottle my sorrows,
And drink them.

I see you trapped,
Among insanity,
Among bad decisions.
Among regret.

I know that I can't help you,
But more than anything,
I know that I will be there.
I know that this is only the beginning.

There is long journey ahead,
And I will be there every step,
No matter what.
Because I love you.

I know this now.
After everything,
I realize life is too short,
To leave words unsaid.

I want to tell you I love you.
I want to tell you I'll never leave your side.
That I've broken down too many times to count,
Because you jeopardized your life.

I want you here.
I want to bust you out,
Of the imprisonment,
Of your own thoughts.

I want to fix you.
I want to make you realize,
How dear your life is,
To all of these people.

These unsaid words,
Burn on the tip of my tongue.
They sting in the air in front of me.
They burn along with the tequila.

I wish I could tell you now,
But it must wait.

...Again.

I see through that deathly daze of yours.
I see the opportunity,
The regret, the heartache, the gratefulness.

You told me that you weren't sure,
If you are happy you get another chance,
Or sorrow-filled because it isn't over.

Those words broke my heart.
So I left this whitewashed room,
Of demonic devices,
And went to my car.

I wasn't sure what I was doing,
So I sparked this cigarette,
Put it to my lips,
And let everything go.

I looked crazy, I could tell.
Punching my steering wheel,
Crying like you were in a meeting,
With the coroner.

I opened my glove box,
Saw my antidote,
And swallowed.

I dried my sorrows,
Picked up my hope,
Locked my insanity in my car,
And slapped this smile back upon my face.

I couldn't let you see me like this.
I couldn't let you see how upset I am,
Not with you, but with your decision.
You have enough on your mind.

I return back to Hope's deathbed,
Give her a smile to assure her I am fine,
And crawl into the bed next to her.

Back to reality, I sink.
Only to be stolen from sobriety.
It's easier this way.
I feel nothing.
I'm numb.

Numb as usual.
But this time, body matches soul.
And not another tear shall be shed,
For the worst is over...

And for us all,
Recovery commences.

I feel your love,
Yet your marksmanship is poor,
For towards me your love aims not.
Your intentions aimed elsewhere.

A past lover.
And I am not he.

Malicious Misery pushed you too far.
Too far this time.
Your life is precious to me,
Yet a treasure you seek not.

It dwindles within these machines,
Like a strand of seaweed.
Being crashed upon by the waves,
Of this poison you endowed yourself with.

Much a tragedy this is.
Yet not that of Shakespeare.
No, this much too real,
To take a form of fictitious imaginings.

This, much more complicated,
Than a Shakespearean masterpiece.
For if so,
Your love would be aimed at I.

But it is not,
And in resent, I mourn this tragedy.
Yet, I must let love,
Travel upon its everso hellbound path.

My eyes lie upon thee,
And my heart within the feeble hand of yours.
Yet your mind lies elsewhere,
And your desires lie with your mind.

Upon he.
The one currently at your arms reach.
The one at your desires demand.
The one you truly love.

I must not resent this,
For love hath struck thee as it struck I.
And Cupid's arrow hath stuck he as well.
I can see it in his sorrowful stare.

He loves you in a way that I cannot.
A consentful love.
For I am just a scapegoat.
Temporary.

Well now you've quenched your desire.
You've acquired what you sought.
Love of he.
(And I, for whatever its worth.)

His love is a precious gold,
And mine a mere coal.
Black, unwanted.
Only able to provide temporary warmth.

Pardon me for obstructing.
Love hath stolen my precious vision,
And wandered, I,
Into the meadow in which you hunt.

As a poor marksman,
Thou cast thine arrow of love upon me,
And realized I am but a scapegoat,
When the white stag is what you seek.

Once before,
you lined him in your sights.
But evasive is this mystical creature.
And once, he escap'd.

If your life so solidifies,
I shall replinish my vision,
Banish my love,
And obstruct thee no more.

Instead,
I must prosper in silence and patience.
Shun my hearts desires,
And let thee hunt.

I apologize for my inconvenience.
I shall groom each of your horses,
So that you may ride into,
The meadow of love together.

Hence, beware of hunters,
And wandering creatures.
Teach thine unsteady hand,
And this time...

Don't miss.

My eyes have betrayed me.
As these tears start to swell,
I cannot hold them back.
For I know you are not well.

Today you told me you have..

Cancer.

It reminded me of times,
When you used to be my hero.
Now I see all of that fading,
And the words echo in my ear lobes.

I remember when I was a boy,
Is follow you like a puppy.
And never before had I realized,
How I am so very lucky.

You are my father.

And you have...

Cancer.

I cannot describe this pain I feel.
I just tried to laugh it off.
But its rotting within my flesh and soul,
Yet still the word "cancer" brings a scoff.

Cancer...

How can this be that both,
Of my parents catch this disease.
Cancer.
How can one say the word with ease?

I know you'll be okay,
For your faith forever endures,
Everyday you pray,
And your intentions always pure.

Today you told me you have...
Cancer...

Today...
I begin my quest as a father,
Because no one else can feel the love,
That I feel for my younger brother.

Today you told me you have...
Cancer...

Today, my soul began to rot...
Along with my faith.

How is it that you of all people,
Catch this fatal foe?
Your faith in God is immovable.
You're the most virtuous person I know.

Today...
You told me you have...

Cancer.

O star...

How you mock me.
Away from earthly oppressions.
Safe, is thee,
Hung home in heaven.

I envy your distance,
From this place we call earth.
You feel no resistance,
No pain, and no hurt.

For your father, an immortal,
And your mother owns all.
You feel no torture,
Only wished upon when you fall.

O star,
How you mock me.

How dost thee shine so bright?
And if thou art blue,
You still emulate light.

I see the scars on your arms,
And I am resentful.
Resentful that they are not mine.
Resentful that I couldn't stop you.

What's mine is yours,
And what's your is mine.
Including the pain.
But I couldn't stop you.

I left you alone.
In my drunkenness,
I left you alone.
And I couldn't stop you.

My words and worries are useless.
Only the pain you feel brings you back.
I am useless.
Because I couldn't stop you.

I see them and I resent them.
I wish that could be my arm.
My pain.
But I couldn't stop you.

For I was too far gone.
I was too busy stealing my pain,
To recognize yours.
And I couldn't stop you.

I'm sorry...

They say envy turns you green,
But for me, I disagree.
Envy is red,
The color of romance.

I envy your shirt,
It constantly gets to caress your body.
I envy your cigarettes,
Constantly at your lips.
I envy the words that you speak,
For they are much more beautiful than I.
I envy the ground you walk upon,
For I want to be the only thing pleading at your feet.
I envy your phone.
Constantly at your fingertips,
Caressing your cheek.
You speak into it,
And I hear "I love you."
I envy whomever lurks on the other side.
I envy your pillows,
Because I know you cuddle with them when I am not there.
I envy your necklace,
For it is constantly closer to your heart than I'll ever be.
I envy the medicine that you take,
For I want to be what takes your pain away.

You tell your tales,
And I am envious of your past.
Mostly because I am absent from your memories.

They say envy turns you green,
But for me, I disagree.
Envy has no color.
Only silhouettes.

No love can compare to my love for thee.
Unconditional, everlasting, And rooted within my soul.

You gave up everything for us.
Dreams, sleep, serenity, true love.
All of it transformed to chaos.
A chaos that is eternal.
A chaos in which my name represents.

You carry a burden that non other could bear.
A burden that I am forever in debt to.

Stripped of love, the world had been,
Until the grace of your voice reminds me who I am,
I am your son.
As much your guardian as you are mine.

You gave me life,
Something none other could achieve.
Something I could never dream of changing.

Because of you, my faith prevails.
When I stumble, you catch me.
You put me on the path in which I stride.
You created everything that I am.

Through pain, sorrow, triumph, and bliss,
You were there to hold me steady.
You morphed me from dust,
You made me who I am,
Something that I take pride in.
Something that I hope, you too, can be proud of.

You are my creator and my fortress,
My shield, and my sanctuary.
None other could ever take your place.
For you are my Mother.
My one and only.
The one person who has been there since day one.
The only person who keeps me from losing who I am.

You are part of my soul,
From the deepest, most inner core.
We are bound by nature,
And by love.

You are my Mother.
My guardian angel.
My one true love.

Once is not enough,
For me to feel this buzz.
For I see the smoke upon your lips,
And I can only but feel envious.

Carcinogens? I fear none,
If I obtain my dearest's love.
For this reward is what I get,
The Consequences of a Cigarette.

One day, sir, This will have you die,
To that, my love, this is my reply,
Smoke again is what I'll do.
For ironically, I'd die for you.

Your pessimistic view on beauty is amusing,
Isn’t it the beautiful that should preach upon beauty?

You have it all wrong.
Beauty is not only skin deep.
“Pretty” is skin deep.
Beauty is more than long hair and smooth skin.
More than any physical feature.

You are beauty.

Yes, beauty starts with the physical,
But it does not end there.
You are beauty.
You are graceful, eloquent.
Your smile is unmatched even by Aphrodite,.
Your personality is perpetually perfect.
You bring lightness to the shadow-stricken.
You are beauty.

MY beauty.

Beauty is not only skin deep.
Beauty is earned.

Pardon my blabbering,
it’s late as ****.

What does an angel dream,
If such a feat is so possible?
Of life on earth?
Or of the paradise in which he resides?

And what of demons?
Consumed in flames,
Does slumber ever ****** Satan?
It must.

If so, He must dream of heaven,
Of when he harbored angelic ailerons,
Of when he was his own sworn enemy,
Of unattainable paradise.

As Gabriel as his Angel of Death,
And God his own enemy's creator,
Satan dreams not,
For He has Nightmares Of Paradise.

Distance,
Oh what a tyrranous being you are.
So tempting and teasing.
So tiresome and misleading.

You, distance...
You, will break me.

You do not make the heart grow fonder,
For my heart grows weary,
Not stronger.

You dangle my love just beyond my reach.
And patience is something you fail to teach.

You, distance...
You, will break me.

I'm cupid wounded,
'Cause this love was misconstrued.
You stabbed an arrow through my heart,
I still can't remove it.
Love is small,
yet we all fall into it.
It shouldn't be a game,
Yet somehow I end up losin'.
And now I'm faded,
And it seems the scars are fadin'.
The time we spent in love,
Is replaced with this hatred.
Angels turn to pagans,
and these sins become sanctioned,
I've got demons on my shoulders,
The lips of Hades at my tragus.

So I'm a "fly" white guy,
with "Jet" black tendencies,
Try to be a nice guy,
But somehow end up the enemy.
I'll treat you like a princess,
But I'm a fort,
You can't get into me.

It makes no sense to me.

How did this knight in shining armor,
Get slain by the dragon?
So once upon a time,
I was a hero,
Now I'm a has-been.
Last in the castle for I belong with the Pagans,
Slaying distressed damsels,
Giving hell to the angels
With strangers wrapped in mangers,
Destined for greatness.
Trapped within this labyrinth of my cranium.

But when it comes to blame,
My pigmentation begins to change,
But this time it's not my shame.
'Cause you play the same game
That the dames did before you.
You're no different.
You're not worth a fortune.
Fortunately, you revealed your horns for me.
It's torturing how for me it ended horribly,
and you moved on to the same dude you ******* before me.

Love's supposed to be patient,
Love's supposed to be kind,
Instead it's a battlefield
Filled with landmines.

You say it's false,
that nice guys finish last?
Well clarify why I'm starin',
At taillights from my past.
They say when you have everything,
You give nothing back.
So I guess that explains
Why your feelings for me lack.
You're like "You're a white guy,
That tends to be black.
Well how in the hell
Can I get used to that?"
That's *******.
You're afraid of commitment.
That's why you had to end it,
Before it could begin with.
You're a cynical, sinister,
Hypocritical minister,
Angelic sinner sent to incriminate innocence.
Evil's equivalent,
Yet as sweet as carcinogens.
If heartbreak were a game,
Girl, you would be winnin' it.
If my soul were a food,
You would've finished it.
I had a confident conscience,
but girl you diminished it.
Listen kid,
I get you're immature and ****,
But don't go and slander my name
When you used to worship it.

Love's supposed to be patient,
Love's supposed to be kind,
Instead it's a battlefield
Filled with landmines.

Haiku's can be fun,
But sometimes they don't make sense.
Refrigerator.

In my search for tranquility,
I stumble upon a path,
Unknowingly,
This is an opportunity,
A once in a lifetime chance.
It seems mildly enigmatic,
But still quite nurturing,
As if created by humans,
But perfected by mother nature.

Eventually I come upon a bridge.
Strong, yet lonely.
Archaic, yet full of life.
I cross this bridge,
Unaware of my destination,
Yet sure of an insightful journey.
Then I find myself in a dilemma,
A fork in the path.

One side seems wider,
Full of life with a quicker tempo.
The other is less broad,
Almost harsh, and dead.
Which should I choose?
A trail full of life...

Or death?

Without a second thought…
Death is my option.

This path was full of thorns,
And small shrubs with little life,
But I trudged my way through every obstacle.
Eventually, I began to see light, and creatures…

Life.

I saw everything tranquil upon the path of death.
I finally found what I had been looking for.
All I had to do was,
Go through death,

To receive life and tranquility.

Heartbreak.
The only word to describe it is “Indescribable”. It is like nothing you can ever experience. It’s almost as if you are mourning the loss of a part of your soul. Like someone stole a fragment of you.
Seeing the one that used to be your everything with someone else, smiling. Happy. And there’s nothing you can do about it. They don’t want you anymore. For whatever reason, you no longer mean anything to them. They have a new muse. You can’t help but stare, captivated by their beauty that you’d once succumbed… yet still nothing is more beautiful. Captivated by memories, by the “what ifs”, the thought of “us”.
Heartbreak is unique. Almost an art form. Beauty. It’s a phenomenon to see someone that was once so cheerful just change… become something that you’d never think they’d become, then months later become a completely new person.
Heartbreak. The only word to describe it, is “indescribable”.

Long days seem so much longer.
Distance does not make the heart grow fonder.
You’ve conquered the empire of my subconscious.
Your crusade so short,
Yet I hope your reign continues for eons.

We’re far past passive flatteries,
Instead, we fill each other’s hearts with vows.
You mean them now,
But what about a few months?
What if you decide I’m not what you want?

The torment I am slowly approaching,
Consumes my distant soul.
I can hear the sounds of futuristic loathing,
From when you decide this love has taken it’s toll.

So tell me.
How can I pay this inevitable toll?
How can I save us from Cupid’s malicious tyranny?

His arrow is too far lodged within me,
I cannot remove it.
I can only push it farther and farther
Into my heart until it falls out of my back.

But this arrow, trenchant.
Cupid, the sharpest of marksmen.
Yet colorblind, he is.
He sees not what colors his targets represent.
He draws his bow for the pure love of marksmanship.

Sometimes, yet not often,
He will hit the intended target.
But the odds are scarce.
His subjects are often punctured,
And connected to one whom reciprocated Fate’s desire.

Yet this time…
This time…
Cupid must have hit a target of Fate’s approval.
For thrice he has missed.
This time He and Fate are in sync.

This wound may stretch over time,
But the arrow shall remain firmly lodged within my *****,
***** and immovable.
Until you kick it through my backside.

But until then,
I can only endure.
I can only be woo wounded.
I can only survive,
Another ambush of the militant called Cupid.


But I will do it for you,
For by you,
I’ve been so divinely seduced.
Wooed by your lips.
Not by your kiss,
But by the music,
Which your mandibles so express.

I desire not to seal this wound,
But to evade its’ repercussions.
For I have endured a similar wound thrice.

He is winged as if an angel,
Yet Was Lucifer not once an angel as well?

Cupid is an impostor.
A spy of Agony, himself.
He prays on the young, the old, the strong, and the weak.
He cares not who he obliterates in his crusades.
He is a bloodthirsty heathen.
He makes scoundrels of Saints,
And Harlots of Housewives.
Saint Valentine is no Saint.
He is Satan’s nightmare.

At first, his arrows are ecstasy,

But like a cancer,
His poison-saturated arrows
Seep deep within every crevice of your body.
They consume you as if enriched with ******.
And eventually rot within your *****
Until it is nothing but dust and a memory.
One day I will assassinate Fate’s Malicious militant,
The one we call Cupid.