i wanted to talk to you but i lay on my bed.
whispering to myself and then i realize what i have done to you.
i can't talk to you, nono.
i text your best friend with hope that maybe there's any hope left at all.
i whisper and text but refuse to make eye contact with the woman i knew could bring out the best.
but when i realize so much later what i've done i'm afraid we cannot go back.
maybe we could, but i don't know that
i was a man who once had a city to conquer,
but was i a man or was i a man in the making?
i was too slow to realize that love presents itself in mysterious ways and now i pay the price of not unveiling its very essence
if you could find those feelings, well its not about you here is it
i failed you once, and i have failed you for
eternity

twenty one weeks
that's what it took for an acknowledgement
another 42
almost 43
to realize what you meant all along could have been the very thing i want-
now.
whether my overthinking becomes true or not
is not up to me
but the realization that came from your sunlight smile two hundred and ninety nine days later amuses me
why so long,
why so evil,
why so long,
why so painful.
i had to wait two hundred and ninety nine days to realize that-
now.
now.
now, i see the rotation of a sunflower bathing in the sun as it fades from our existence.
but this sun only fades for one night and it returns once more.
but you.
you had to wait twenty one weeks for an acknowledgement.
when that was enough then you had to wait another two hundred and ninety nine days for-
now.
for now you know what i have to you, and i know what i have done to you.
while you deal me great pain-
now.
i dealt you great pain-
before.
the clash.
the past.
the present.
but the future is what holds-
now.
the future is what contain the very essence of our actions-
now.
we build future based on tomorrow,
but what we do now builds our future.
when the now does not receive the acknowledgment it deserves we let it fade like a t shirt that was left on a clothespin, swaying with the wind and getting beat down by the rays from the sun itself.
you, you are my sun and i am your sunflower, but what i failed to realize then has come back to haunt me-
now.

When a man tells you he loves you, it'll be the first time you hear this.
He's far too shy to tell you in person so instead
he writes for hours and then decides to text you.
And of course you will smile, because he sounds like he means it,
but you do not believe him.
Because a man has never handed those words to you, you ponder
You question the truth of his statements because you are not ready for his actions.
His statement; summer shine on your cold winter day but you beg for night
and you tell him that that you want another person.
His already failing self confidence folded like the letter he just wrote to you and you crumpled it up and turned it into a ball.
When a man tells you he loves you, you don't hear music, you hear the voices of boys who tell you to get involved in something meaningless.
Patience is something he was working on but, no, not for you.
When he asks, you tell him that you can't feel the same, and when he looks away, you let the words pour out of your mouth like white wine.
You remember that day your heart got lost in another person, but you don't realize the effect of your own actions.
That day you fell like a feather, landing softly, unaware of the damage done to the bird.
You used to think you were ready for a real man but when he asked you the question then you denied your very wish.
When a man tells you he loves you, you talk of other things, failing to make note of his wet-tissue heart, wet from his own tears, because he meant every single word of it.
He's a man, remember?
But you're not ready for a man, are you?