I dreamed last night. And for the first time in a long while it came back to me with the morning. A man who appeared to be a doctor entered my home unannounced. My parent's delighted faces sent rays of light into my mind. I looked at my cracked hands dazed away. An uncomfortable presence filled the room with an eerie smoke. He continued with "We are going to make you beautiful." I never asked for this. I never knew about this. beautiful. The word lost it's true meaning. "Pick out your new eye color." "I'll close the ragged holes on your ears." "Better hair." "Smaller nose." I awoke in fright. Then I wondered, Out of all the dreams, why did I remember this one?
I always told myself it was the last time. The last love, the last loss. You had a strong current. Pulling me in while the waves hypnotized the walls of my heart. I’m the fool now. Only a silly girl makes the same mistake twice. Or more. I guess that makes me crazy. I’m not going to talk to you again. Not just for myself, but for you too. You play the victim so well. I’ll just leave you for the encore. When you told me I was poison I resented you. When I told you to go your blood boiled. I’m going to wonder if you started liking the idea of me. Somehow putting shackles on me gave you a sense of freedom. You are going to ponder why I have left you so many times. I’m going to make sure it is my last time leaving you. You beat something too many times it dies. I learned that through your unyielding gaze. I don’t feel remorse. I decided to start loving myself. That ultimately hurt you. I do take responsibility for my actions. I sound cruel and crude. **** it because it’s how I feel. Let me go forever. I don’t want to lead you any further through my garden mind. I hope you find a home soon.
I see your heartbeat in every man and I can hear your mind even though you hide behind the sun. You disappear into places of mystery where you survive inside your fun.
You see yourself as the lost make believe and leave no room for reality to ever be the same. All those bridges you are burning have you drowning inside of your own shame.
You want to vanish into a spiraling truth and be heard by your feelings while reaching out. There is no such thing as honor when sitting on a velvet seat where you only shout.
Your tears will soon pass when you think of the anticipation of the dreams you had in your cradle. Harmony breathes in a quiet breath lasts forever if it is able.
Imagine a universe with no galaxies, no planets, no stars, no meteors, no satellites, no moons. A vast blackness. Nothing to grow. Nothing to become. A never-ending emptiness in which you're forced to survive.
sometimes i see the little green light beside your name on facebook chat and i stare at it for a while, hoping a little "hey! how are you?" might pop up wondering how long i will have to wait for you to notice me. but then i feel pathetic because it's like the majority of my life has been spent on waiting for people to notice me and while half of me wants to be noticed, the other half strongly wishes to remain an anonymous quote you happened to stumble upon in an abandoned library, or a figment of your imagination where every aspect of myself has been starved from each of your senses where you are left alone to wonder if i ever actually existed at all.
Our fragile lips never touch. Forbidden fruit. Poisonous pain. As you go up I must come Down. I gaze at your perfect reflection. I try to linger for you. Do not weep dear we have a job to do. My opposite obsession. A contrary coincidence.
My unfortunate state leaves me watching lovers- Who could be us. I’m left with unresolved dreams at twilight. You may seem dreaded by most but I count down the stars disappearing in my presence. I’ve never seen your rays. Your flaming passion holding our world together As I fall apart. You take pieces of me with you. Have them. Keepsakes of our nonexistent love exchanges.
For how funny a fairytale for our children. When the moon fell- In love with the sun.