See this.
This pain and torture.
You're still here through it all.
You're being strong.
Don't let anyone tell you wrong.
You're a very strong person.
Don't forget it.

Let your light shine through the wold like it doesn't matter, because when it matters nobody cares about the light.

The darkness arises when no one is there to keep it away.

I'm not doing good at all anymore. I always have to fake a smile even when I am breaking. My best friend acts like she hates me. She makes me feel like trash 24/7. I've been thinking about suicide non-stop now. The thoughts will not go away. I have been balancing on a little edge and don't know how long until I finally fall. Maybe it would be better if I just end it. I can't handle all this pain anymore. Nothing has been helping me. I'm starting to close off more than ever. I feel like I deserved to be mistreated. I still deserve to be mistreated. Can someone just end my life right now? I can't keep putting others through having to talk to me. I act strong, but can't do it for much longer. I hate every single thing about me. I'm the biggest mistake in the world. Please, somebody **** me. I don't deserve to live. I shouldn't have even been born. I don't want to wake up anymore. The pain I put myself through is numb. I don't feel the digging of my nails into my skin anymore. I keep doing it constantly. I'm gonna have to switch to a blade. Somebody took them away from me before I was able to use them. Now I have to get new ones. I don't want to live anymore. I want this pain to end. Nothing takes these thoughts away anymore. I can't deal with it. I'm not strong enough. I never was. Please, end me now.

I keep feeling the empty feeling. I don't know how to control it anymore. It drags me down and I just can't take it much longer. More scars are showing up. What if people start to notice them? I have to hide my arms already. One friend has already pointed out little marks on my arm. They know what it is. What if it keeps getting worse? I'm not going to be able to take this anymore real soon. I'm already fading out of exsistence. I pushed away everyone. I don't know how much longer that I am going to try anymore. I'm closing off more and more. I'm dying on the inside and it is bringing pain on the outside. Surprisingly I can't feel all the pain anymore. I can't feel when my nails dig into my skin. The feeling is so numb. How come I even have to deal with this? Death thoughts are getting worse in my head. I deserve the worst things ever. I'm worse than anyone could imagine. I have lost my old self. I'm not good anymore. I was never good in the first place, but now I'm even worse than I ever was. I am gonna have to leave, soon. I'm sorry that I am not good enough. I just wish I could be a better person. I don't see why anyone would ever be around me. I just hate everything about myself. I am never going to like a thing about me. I'm never going to be good enough. I was a mistake. I still am a mistake. My depression is going to take me over. It has already begun. I'm slowly isolating myself. It makes everything more damaging to others than myself. They don't know why I keep doing this. I don't understand myself either. I'm losing interest in everything I do now. I don't want to move. I'm wanting to eat less and less. My self-esteem is lowering way more. I'm not sure what I am going to do anymore. Please, just take me out of this life. I am not needed here. I'm just a giant waste of space. It would be better for everyone to just give up on me. Please, let me **** myself. It would be so much better for everyone. I'm wasting everyone's time. I shouldn't have been born. I'm not wanted here. I really wish I had blades again. There was a point where I didn't need them. Now I don't see the point in life. I can't feel the pain from my nails. I just can't keep hurting people anymore by my presence. I'm too loud or too quiet. There is no in between. I'm too mean to everyone. I shouldn't think about myself. I'm too self centered. I'm fat and ugly. I am not talented. Never have been. I cause my own friends to go into depression. I bring out everyone's bad side. I'm never going to be a good person. I'm so sorry that I am such a disappointment. I realized that there is no hope for me. It would be better for everyone else if they walked out my life and never look back. I can't even laugh without it making me feel worse about myself. I just should've never been born. I shouldn't have came into Abby's life. I have made her worse. I made her feel unloved, mistreated, and everything she should never feel. I'm not good enough of a friend to get over how I feel and be happy. I'm a lost cause. This is all my fault. She thought she could change me. Everyone thinks that they can change and help me. There is no help. I'm so far gone. I'm never going to get out of depression. It is always going to drag me down. I'm not strong enough to handle things anymore. I'm tired of always feeling alone in the darkness of my mind and body. I lost one person that was making me even semi-happy. Ever since the day I gave away some happiness I could've used, I have been alittle more broken. How many times until I break so much that I will never be fixed again. How much more pain do I have to go through? Please, just make it all end right now. I don't know if I can take more pain.

The light makes me want to run to find the darkness again. Everyone is just going to leave eventually and I just can't be hurt anymore. If I continue this way, I'm going to lose my mind even more. Maybe they were truly right about how I should **** myself. It would be so much better for everyone that way. I can't take not feeling wanted anymore. I try to be so  happy just to please people. I can't live in this world  anymore. I just want to escape and I know they only way. The way that blade touched my wrist the other day. That's my only way out of this this pain. I just wish I could do it right now. I will finally be with the people I have lost. I will finally be free from all the pain everyone causes. No one can keep these things away from me anymore. I found new ways to hurt myself and it is so addicting. I'm just ready to be gone from everything. That's why I stay alone and never want to talk. They hurt me without even thinking about it. I hear the things they say and it hurts. I can't even feel the blades sliding across my wrists causing blood to pour out. It's an addicting feeling that I can't get anywhere else. I don't know when my last night will come, but I honestly hope it happens so soon. I can't deal with this anymore. I've tried for far too long to be happy and now I am giving up on trying. So, if this is the last thing I write. I am honestly sorry I can't do better than this. I am sorry that I can't be the person anyone wants me to be. I'm sorry that I am not beautiful or talented in anyway. I'm just a disgrace. I'm sorry for all the pain.

They put me on medicine and I dont feel normal anymore. I feel like a monster. Plus the medicine isn't working. I just wish I knew what to do. I just want to die and don't know why it won't stop. I worry too much and don't know how I am supposed to handle all of this. Problems spring up everywhere. A good percent of my friends are suicidal. It bothers me so much. I just want to save them. I don't want to lose them. They are the only reason that I am alive. I'm breaking each day and no one can tell. It just hurts so much.