you once were my addiction
necessary for survival,
a coping mechanism
to deal with my struggles

i thought i loved you
that you were my savior
but i couldn't see the truth
you were breaking me down

you cleared my head,
calmed me down
soothed my worries
helped me forget the world

but once you were gone,
it all came rushing back
and suddenly i was alone
and worse off than before

until i gave you up
quit you, stopped it all
ignored my cravings,
i deserved a better life

i was amazed to see
i really could live without you
you weren't keeping me alive
i was

but hard times came again
and i can't help but wonder
maybe I was wrong?
maybe I did need you?

no, I can't give in
you only want to ruin me
and i'm in control
i must resist, for my sake

i can conquer you
you'll never go away, but
i know now your deceit
and I'm vowing to stay sober

i love how you
make me want to become
a better person

So I said to him
"I've got my demons"
Two bit termites that eat me away
'Cause I was never a real girl
--would you look at her nose--
Lying *****

And then he points back
Says look at them skeletons
Hanging from the closet
Among button down shirts and sanctioned blazers
But they're made of plastic
Some cheap bio lab representation of what's meant to be human

NO I scream
And my voice bubbles out like tar
Paving over his cracked ideals
Sealing up the sink hole where I buried my heart
--saving it for a rainy day--
And I slam the door in his face
Hoping it hits the ******* nose he stuck in my business

Hounds are scratching at my door
Whining for a chance
To rip apart the rabbit
That's hiding in my head

I stand up and let them

i was once an emblem of beauty
but after you broke me,
i had nothing left to give the sun.

i'm exhausted from
fighting against the immortality
of unwanted emotions.

i rage and lunge
stabbing mercilessly, over and over
but each blow hurts me, too.

i huddle alone, worn out
and it taunts me with its laughs
it knows i'll never win.

we stole dandelions from the fields
like hard-time criminals
and watched as they melted
in the palms of our hands--

i should have realized it was a
perfect euphemism
for the months to follow.