i like to look in the mirror
and dissect the person staring back
until features are just jagged lines
and stolen shapes
protruding chin
witchy nose
curved into a long *****
a beard of pimples
surrounding small lips
and a mustache to strike envy into any man
caterpillar eyebrows
darker than the hair on my head
which is dry and flat and falls into my face
chipmunk cheeks
practically falling out of wide cheekbones
long legs
too skinny
knobby knees
hairy white tree trunks
that i suppose pass for legs
spider fingers
no curves
just a pale board
with eyes and skin covered in mold
and red
always red
from
tears
always tears
society's worst fear stares back at me
"ugly"
my own words
i say them to myself now
i see your point

He was warm like a summer stone
Earthy like a boy should be
And girls are more like water
But I only managed mercury

She’s manicured like the neighbor’s yard
a blonde and blue composite
and the holes in the soles of my combat boots
drip rain water like faucets

She’s staring over her clipboard
He peered over his coffee
She asks what’s wrong—clinically, past ice water.
He folded my hand up in his—lovingly, past menus

I focus(ed) on *diner checkerboard tilescream pile carpeting

I tap my foot on a chair leg, and give nondescript answers
*I tapped my spoon on a tea cup, and gave no answer at all

when I stick my hand under hot water
it takes a moment to realize
i'm burning.

why are you insecure?
you have so many strengths,
so much potential

why don't you smile?
you bring everyone else happiness
you deserve some, too

why are you afraid?
how can you be so brave for others
but not for yourself?

why can't you realize?
there's a world awaiting you
will you embrace it?