Can you still see me

Standing in this dark room

Talking to the memory of you

Your hand is back in my hair

The love is still there

Just like you never left

But that is not my life

I couldn't sit pretty

To let you create a pretty lie

And now I'm here and for all I know..

You may have died.

Close my eyes

Take a hard look inside

Time to face my memories

I'm so scared of what I'll see

Shielding my eyes from images of sunbeams

Removing fake perceptions like lowly weeds

I need to see my past to get a future

One where you and me are together

So I'll let myself fall deep

Choking as old feelings take root inside me

But I'm not nearly done yet

For you I'll stare into the sun

I would lasso the moon

Just to see a smile from you

Sometimes I feel

I'm running out of time

Smiling but drowning in

Insecurity inside

Only with you, I don't have to hide

The only one in which

I confide

Complimenting everyone I meet

Actually meaning it is a rare feat

For I and all human beings

Are two sides of the same coin

What we show others and what we dont

Memories hiding in the back of my mind

Feeling at ease whenever you're by my side

In the shadows, our past seems to hide

Our realities are mixing, and our fates collide

I am not perfect

I do not fit inside the box

For I decided to be the box

If I were a line I would not be straight

I do not believe in destiny;

Though I romanticize fate

My favorite animal may be a wolf;

Though I identify more with a cat or a fox

And everyone who knows me seems to like me alright

My boss always says I'm doing fine

But if I wasn't, would it be such a crime?

I try to do my best when I can

But there's only so much more I can stand...

Can someone give me a hand?

My life

My love

My loyalty

You've got it all

What else to you want from me?

Just watch me fall

I can see your eyes on me

Hello to the demon

Standing down the hall

The bane of my existence

Or the reason I'm here after all?

If I'm in trouble

Who should I call?

Looking back

Laughing at the past

Feeling less like trash

Looking back

Watching the flames burn

Falling in the ash

Looking back

Data overload the computer

Starts to crash

But I'm still looking back

Down like the ashes

My heart sinks now

My happiness fading

As dread starts to grow

You may be moving

I wish you wouldn't go

A place for you is in my heart

A hole forms when we're apart

Your hand is all mine needs

As you're more important

Than the very air I breathe

I'm so confused

Scars mar my heart

Unsure of which path

Would be right to chose

I'm tired of being used

I gave you my options

But you simply refused

My mentality I feel you

Purposefully abused

I cross my fingers

And make a wish

Flying to heaven

On the wings of

Your last kiss

I dont want your love

Dislike your attention

Do everything I can

To push away your affection

Boy get the hint because

I'm not going back in time

To when you treated me like ****

The seasons never cease to change

Flowing as I sit with my hood down

In the rain washing away unjust notions

Cold little drops kissing my skin

Breathing deep this wet wind

Imagining it erasing all of my sins

Feeling the healing mist

As my pulse thuds in my wrist

Senseless

People tell me falling in love would be

Senseless

Saying it only leads to heartbreak and

Shame

Ruining friendships that'll never be the

Same

What a shame

But if love would be senseless

Why do people fall everyday?

Is there an unspoken rule saying that

It's ok

To finally choose to change

Outside it is cold and wet

Muddy puddles cover the ground

As I wait on this icey blue bench

To be taken to the warmth of my home

Where I'll be safe and sound

Laughing internally

As three boys ask for my number

In a dumb attempt to bully me

They think they're the smart ones here

Trying that right after school

Though my parents did not raise a fool

Those wannabe "bullies" should go be

Busy worrying about finals instead of me

Traumatic

The teacher assumes the final will be traumatic.

Does she even know what that word means?

Perhaps she does not so it seems.

Traumatic

I believe I have experienced trauma before

From people, family, and simply from me

Causing me to hide behind a mask they cant see

Mother, dearest

I think you pretend to love me

You live so far away

Leaving your lost child to watch

Watching for a message that never comes

Why does it never come?

Why do you say you love me but never try?

It hurts you know

Being ignored by you could make me cry

Compared to my brothers living there

I wonder if perhaps you simply don't care

Your precious little girl

To you that's all I'll ever be

Though I confided in you

Back when I was questioning

I figured myself out

But for now, I will sit pretty

Because I'm my papa's little girl

Whether or not I want to be

Sometimes I wonder if I'm out of my mind

So many different people seem to be inside

So many different preferences refuse to hide

Sometimes I wonder if I'm out of my mind

I only have one person in which I can confide

A disorder or a sickness? I couldn't guess if I tried

Sometimes I wonder if I'm out of my mind

My tarot cards told me

My life's choices all ****

To change my path before

Things actually get too rough

They told me to focus more

On myself particularly my

Quite possibly declining

Mental health

Mum tells me that high school doesn't matter

The bullies get old and fat and the bullied get rich

Only 20% of the emo girls could actually be a witch

If only she knew how wrong she is

Classes don't matter but people do

Holding on to the closest who care 'bout you

Worrying about who to take to prom

I've got many different options to choose from

No, I'm not popular, and by many I am scorned

- Shiggi

Overthinking everything

Questioning life and losing friends

Wishing to never face them again

But in the end, this is high school

Blue skies drowned out by overwhelming grey

Shaping your impressionable minds like clay

Telling you how to act and who to be day by day

Screaming at you for ever feeling this way

But you're tired of people always leaving

They never even seem to stay

Loneliness envelopes you

Your soul dies

Everyday

My name suggests vanity

Which doesnt quite fit me

An underlying emptiness

That fills me with stress

Until I happen to realize

That Cassian means both

My friend wants me to change my name

They decided to use the same

A decision that has lasted for months

Brushed aside by one of short days

No longer may I be Onyx

Merely a shadow hidden by the sun's rays

Laughing at myself
And how I forgot caffeine makes me sick

Of all the ways
I could've woken myself why's that what I picked?

A brief nausea as
Exhaustion rests behind my eyes

Reading all night again
Could quite possibly bring about my demise

Perhaps some sleep
Would be healthier than obsessing over pages

Of a novel
As time goes by sitting for ages and ages

Hey there, sweet stranger

I see the way you hide

Bottling everything up inside

I read your words over and over

Knowing you're just on the verge

Of finally breaking apart

So let me protect your heart

I see you, sweet stranger

And all your works of art

I feel your pain deep inside

You never need to hide

Not from me

Sometimes I wonder what might happen if I accept what I should be

If I identified with the same gender as my pathetic little body

I wonder if I would be happier and maybe a bit less confused

If perhaps I'd never heard the terrible slurs others had used

I wonder if I could make myself like wearing skirts and dresses

If perhaps I could accept the name I had been given at birth

I wonder if perhaps If I were normal others might see my worth

Or perhaps that is simply the main issue behind it all

Maybe I really am worthless after all

I had a best friend once

Who told me things friends should do

She said they held hands so we did

She kissed me and said it was normal

Slow danced with me during worship at church

Sat on my lap while the pastor said his piece

Told me friends loved each other so I tried to

Until middle school me found the older girl lied

Guys it happened AGAIN

The message is SPAM

It will only keep sending and saying the exact same thing

"
sgg  2d
Hello!
I'm have question about........................................­...................­..........................­......................................­.......­.............................................­...........­..................................­..............................­...............­.............................................­...­..........................................­.
Onyx
Onyx  2d
A question about............what?

sgg  1d
Hello!
I'm have question about........................................­...................­..........................­......................................­.......­.............................................­...........­..................................­..............................­...............­.............................................­...­..........................................­.

sgg  8m
Hello!
I'm have question about........................................­...................­..........................­......................................­.......­.............................................­...........­..................................­..............................­...............­.............................................­...­..........................................­."

Old AI chatbots are absurd

Before I even said a word

Cleverbot was hitting on me

Would've liked a conversation

About all the simple things

Weather, perhaps?

But that bot had a one-way

Ticket to crazy town

Full of sunshine and mishaps

Got a second message from sgg 2 hours ago

Like hon no this isn't gonna do anything on my computer type XD

Really annoying knowing if it was my personal it would ***** something up

Guys if you get the message report as spam PLEASE