My rock bottom is an endless abyss
A trainwreck that keeps going,
And deals with the hits
I'm a tiger, I'm a bull
A titanium doll
**** heart,
Leather, chains and all
Don't bother
It goes in one little ear,
Slinks out the other
Another drink goes down,
Disappears like the others
But I love my boys
My girls, my time
The same boy, the bumpy ride
They cry, I shine

I’d never heard anyone
Call you by your full name like that
And standing between the tall terraced houses,
I swore I could see your eyes through the cracks
The gaps in the brick
This crushing weight I feel could surely cave in my chest
The flower pots laugh and tell me I’m a mess,
I soak the leather seats
Wishing I was soaking in your breath
And if you were a fish in a tank,
I’d beat on the glass until my knuckles bled
And if you were deep inside the earth,
I’d find a way to make them bury me
Whether through feigning,
Or truly being dead

You made me a woman
Now I'm left with the mess
Do bad girls get happy endings,
When the story goes like this?
Will it go?
It's been a long year of you, baby
What I need to do, I can't do
Headsick, heartache
I'm sorry, my mistake

You are twinkling and breaking me apart
I cannot help but stare,
And thank any kind of God
If I had forgotten them before,
All the words now dissolve into my hair and skin
Like salt in the lake I’ve been living in
Underwater and untouched, unopened to anything
They call me home to shore
My body weeps and seeks heat
You gather my limbs like a bouquet
Blooming through your chest and arms

Numbers on the back of your hand
A metal mental breakdown
"I go to bakeries all day long, there's a lack of sweetness in my life"
And the nights get colder and colder
Bodies get hotter and hotter
The full moon is never as exciting as the last one
Past one, almost two
Three, four, five, find something to do
Call the boys, call your girls
Sunday is funday, and Thursdays are my Fridays
Inhale fast to make it last
This is the best part of the song

Sugar
Maybe it was the drugs
Or maybe it was the devil sharing our shoulders
Maybe the air got too thick
Sheets in a cold sweat
Maybe the power turned out
Maybe the music got too loud
But as long as hell is still burning
I will want you back
"Condemn yourself with this nonsense,
And sure as hell I still love you."

"Calli, Calli, I need your help
Vicky's passed out in my bed right now
I know I'm a **** and I know I've been a *****
But I need you to come over"
****.

You "fix it"
N change it back,
You're a water bed,
And my nails are in your
Yeah, your back
I can't stop
Like, why do I NEED chaos?
Your loss

I heard church bells the day you died
I recognized them as being for a celebration,
Or a holy day
But how little I knew then
There were no angels or God that morning
I saw you again and the trees in your eyes were already stripped
Gray bark, and you could snap off any twisted, shedding branch
Beat someone to death with it

Give those minis a twirl
Lashes a curl,
Tambourine girl
In the back
Shimmer curtain, spotlight slack
All eyes are on you
One of the cities better views,
They say
What are you drowning?
You sat up silent
So he stood up and went
Quicksand with a layer of gold on top
Like the cymbals you clap
Against your hip, hop
He will be your drummer
Belle stunner

We grow up, grow old
So much they'll ask that can't be told
Waiting for our train,
I'm waiting in vain
The tracks are rusted
And I'm getting cold
Can I just write a note,
And let the ink do the talking?
Is it too soon for stopping?
Can you hear my cells popping?
You be the pin, you're sharp as it is
So this is it
No cure for headsick

Sick
Nauseous
This is making me
SICK
And
NAUSEOUS
I can't find meaning between book lines
Without you
Or my bobby pins in the carpet
Without you
With, without.. You
Baby, you
She's still making me sick
Sick
And
Nauseous

"My heart beats so strong, you can see it through my shirt"
I wanna feel that beat moving up my skirt
And my body with my skin
Tingling
Pace, pace, back and forth
"Your heart feels fine girl, no worries, what's the worth?"
A big strong boy with Polaris eyes
I can feel your body tense
Thinking about mine
Beat em up baby, there you go
I'm sorry I woke you up last night
And the night before
Always bringin my girls, what a world
In your room  
It's the safe place
To come back and party
When babygirl is throwin up,
And I need to feel okay
You just let me do it, go with it, always
I know when you're mad, when it hurts,
You press up against the couch and the clouds come down
From their place in the sky,
Of your eyes, they pour
Harder and harder, now my hips are sore
Cause I told you more, I told you "more!"
And when you moan its like a lions roar
You're the king of here, breathing in my ear
Down my neck in the bed
You taught me everything I know
How to control a boy, destroy his soul
But you're a catch, got it bad
Think I finally met my match
Now when I'm making em shake
I'm thinkin of your hands
Coulda never been such a good lover
Such a good sucker and *** shaker
Such a "Please don't go baby, come back, *******!"
I wouldn't have learned how to **** around  
If it hadn't been for you, tuts

It is scrawny and starving
Kicking at its gate, gnashing it’s jaws at my hands and throat
Bleeding through the chains and hay
Collapsing only to wail through the roof and into the sky

I sit at the barn door and sob

But I love you,
So I don’t feed it and I watch it die.

There was an apple
Of ruby and gold
In a town of pigeons, young and old
It was sad, and wanted love
But all the pigeons had to think with,
Were stones
They jumped and flapped,
For they couldn't see
Just how precious a golden apple could be

The beauty in breaking down
Is how we fall apart to maybe finally stand
I set the house aflame just to keep us warm,
Broke all the glass panes in the unlocked door  
Opened my sword case in vain
It’s only a weapon if it can hurt you,
And I bruise from the pouring rain
Though I couldn’t go on like this another single day,
What I would do
To be your exception again

There’s a world at the end of the earth for us
And I go there with you, even without you
Even when it’s beyond touch and sound
Too far beyond hope, begging, tender new start
I find it in the darkest part of the night
In our songs
In the sky above the bridge
In the city we’d never revisit
With anyone

We party, we rage, ain't it all so great?
So much fun, so above
But now Sugey and Seb, they're both dead
And pretty Savannah is in a hospital bed
Wires and tubes, I think of me and you
How it coulda been us, under an unforgiving moon
The car on fire, hot with teen desire
To run around, don't come down
All alone all together in a masked- up city
But this time the morning after is way worse than ******
"You and me Soph, we got invited there"
And I had put on mascara and done my hair
So crazy, so surreal
And it happened so quick
Now pretty party-queen Savannah?
She has to live with it

I’d be myself
And ask if you want to go with me
You’d say no
I’d rather the cold
To fall asleep in the backseat
Completely lose my time and place
On the drive home

Perhaps her shocking, clean blondeness
Will cleanse you of the hate you carry
For the very body that indulgently hosts it
You’ve let the bar drag the lake so easily,
And I could never compete with your love of mediocrity
So what’s left to gasp and squeal, drown it  

Darling,
You can burn.

A sweet spotted Chrysanthemum floats on a river,
Caught in twigs, and escaping with only drops of dew,
To sparkle and show evidence of a small battle won
Against the rushing fervor
Blown from the bush of her brothers too early,
She is young and sturdy
And the dragonflies flicker,
Her pinks and purples dancing their improvised number

An explorer cuts smoothly on the river,
His vessel rich and warm,
Tough, but none too weathered
Rippling and golden bronze
For he does not fear the sun,
He knows the reward of burns gained
Under a long and heated touch
Explorer sees flower,
Scoops her from the water,
Only to see she’s plucked herself all on her own
His velvet palm,
A heavenly home

Sun!
My purple is back,
Gold, fills in
Rosy cheeks, painted feet
And he is so good
The beach,
You and me
May, July
The best in between
Streets, how you cradle me
I'm just filling up with the electric chords and drum beats
Nini, Nani, my Sophie
My babies
I love these

When all the cards shuffle,
And hearts are then spades
The best days are gone
With the incoming grey
I'm pushing on the wall pushing me
So unfair, so short
Was the white-hot harmony
You just can't do this to me
Is it the terror or the trees,
Frozen, sharp, and stripped of their leaves,
That is ******* the madness into me?
Five more minutes, mother nature please
I'll curl up fitfully
Clutching my shorts and ticket stubs
Waiting for my babies to wake me up
When again it all reads
100 degrees

And I had to put something here because this ******* website made me.

I woke up with a stabbing pain in my stabbing pain
Tasting dryer sheets and your last name
You said "I'll see you later"
And I hate her for that
Tears on the good leather
Or nauseous days
Ill choose the latter
Baby dont flatter
Your misery

I'm prepared to give it all up
Prepared to fall into the lights and cars,
I'm ready for the constant go and the moving home,
For a nomadic soul
I'm ready to see my own eyes everywhere but in mirrors
I'm ready to let it have me

When the clock hits 3
And stays that way
And I'm trying to hold on
To the pills that are wearing off
And I'm scared to open the door
I see you in the space between the ceiling and the dresser drawer
When the birds start to fly
In the corners of my bloodshot eyes
And the bunnies hop around
In patterns on the ground
I see you in the glare
Of the tv playing there
And I'm thinking about 2003, 4, 5
Three two one
Time to say goodnight

If my life depended on caring
For even a second
About your fearful, twisted heart
Or the sick, whimpering monster behind your eyes
I wouldn’t make it

A whole lotta Hi's in the middle of the night,
Let's hope there's no second message for a third time
Let's hope it's fate that I was asleep,
And that the time before, you didn't reply
Let's hope we'll listen and pick up the clue
Or at least if we don't, we won't need to
For my eyes will be tight while you're up and out,
And you'll be scarce like you are while I'm running around

The only thing I'm scared of
Is never being scared again
The only thing I'd never do
Is be a bad best friend
I can cover up what I've done,
Lie about where I've been
But you'll never forget the look I shot
Or the things I said I never would
And in the end I did

"Shh shh she's waking up"
"Oh false alarm"
"I wonder if she sees us"
"Hears us walking"
"Sometimes she looks at nothing"
"Oh I swear, one time she looked right at me!"
"Are we even real, momma?"
"Oh, of course we are dear"
"Then why doesn't she play with me?"
"Well have you asked her?"
"I tugged on her hair
And whispered her name
And she jumped up and turned the light on
And called a boy
And talked to him like she was real scared
What's wrong with me?"
"Oh nothing baby, she's crazy. It's all the drugs"
"Oh wait wait, shh she's waking up"
Hello?

I want to pretend it never happened
Like the monster you created between your slick bodies was never there
But she taunts me,
Taunts me like I am a puppy in a window
Like she could compare
As if a show pony would look across the stable to a goat
Forgetting its silken mane for a broken bleat
To think in a million years, in a thousand wildest dreams
That sand could stand
In place of pearl
Yet there was a reason
There was a pull
Yet,
She taunts me

A little bit sad, a little bit ****
I want you to hold,
Then I want you to grab me
Give me violins,
Then amp bleats and drum beats
All wrapped up,
Then thrown to the floor
Red and blue mix
Behind a bumping door
The purple mood,
When I'm with you

I poured a bucket of rain water
Straight onto your bed
And as it all seeped
Down into the sheets
I was left with pebbles in the end

Baby I suppose
I’d rather be soaked
Than suffer in the drying sun
Or never have known

Lined up like angels, the Bucharest lights
Your Catholic grasp on my shaking thigh
I’ll just take this
And forget the rest
You said you do it all for your perfect daughter
That for now is just a dream,
But someday will be walking
Confidently, faithfully
From the love you give her
I’ll take how you spoke to my eyes,
Like that could be our scene,
In a few years time
Baby I’ll take that,
And forget the rest
Turn, and turn again
From your spot on the outside of the street
Protecting me
Turn and do what we both want to me
Tell me that now, this is how it’s going to be
And forget all the rest

I wish you could see the steel-*****
ribs I carry
My backbone of shiny titanium
The diamond whites of my eyes
You can’t imagine how fast I’ve had to hold
How tight I’ve clutched my very soul
Close
Just how thoroughly strong I had to be
To become this delicate for you

Oh I can't hear a thing you're saying
And the water feels great
Maybe if I scrub enough,
My skin will follow the grey down the drain
As long as the door's not locked right?
As long as you can get through the door

I saw you in the light of the Mayfair sun
And the sky cracked open
Wide, and blinding
Bigger than the whole city
Deeper than lighting striking a valley
Hot white silver as my heart
As holy as the ocean
With no end, and no clear start
Velvet like the lines in your palms
Breathtaking as the thread we’re hanging on

Don't look at me
Don't touch me
No, you can't stop me
You're never gonna stop me
I just want my seven minutes in heaven
And to overdose with Pete Wentz
1:30 looks so sad on an electric clock
You looked so hard going up the front walk
You used to bend me back
Till I squealed, stop it  
Your cologne washed out of my hair
And when you talk about World War Two
And special oil rings
I bet she doesn't even care

Round n round,
Round we go
Where we stop I bet I know
You're in my city,
Can't wait till the show
I'll smile sweet then go real low
Circles and circles
And **** it's cold
But I'll stick it out till the Wednesday glow
Gotta remember to chill
Lover like the air I'm chill

The rain said to the tree,
“You’ve taken my heart,
Will you marry me?”
And the tree looked down
To the earth at his feet
And he said
“I love you too,
But there’s a problem you see
Some days I see the sky blacken and shake
And you become a hurricane
In that state, you destroy me
Tear up my roots,
Rip away my leaves
You water the ground,
You give me all that I need
Shower life upon my seeds
But I am scared to open upon to thee
To be strong in your raging wind
And give you my everything”

I'll never want anything the way I want you
Like an indigo lake and you're the moon
All that you are and all that you do,
I'll never want anything the way I want you

In my fuzzy, tumbling mornings
You are still the light of day
Even if it’s only last night’s matches,
And I exaggerate the flame

If I’ve been ejected from the sky and shot through a forest canopy,
Only my torn clothes to hold as I walk the amazon, dehydrated for days,
Then you are the rain


When I wake wrapped in hot skin
Layers of itching ash, fallen paper-thin
Too frozen from the smoking door to reach the window
You are a headlamp
And a deep voice of salvation any trapped creature would know

I am the sea to your sky
I create your blue and you pull me

Weak as a a ten ton weight on a wire for you
My knees just buckle,
Yours give too
We listen to rock music under the orange moon
Then some acoustic
Some rhythm n blues
The stormy fade
Over your gorgeous, angry face
You’re a heavenly tumbling sky
I’m washed clean in your rain
Electric guitars
A few more bars
All leather, metal and jade

If we met today
You’d find all innocence or none
Nobody could begin to fill your space
Except a thousand men at once
You’d cut my leather if I wore it,
And stretch out the lace in strands of pearl
I knew well the skin I’ve fought in,
Until I wore it in your world

You're always dropping off,
For me to find
But I've never been a fan of a seventh time
You come back
With my rolling eyes,
Well what's so special about tonight?
If I get you,
Then it's just round two
Or maybe not
I'm waiting to see your plan for three
Us and our messy hearts

Please **** the floodlights
Keeping our entire house awake, climbing the walls
Put a tiny heart inside my body,
Becoming everything from nothing at all
Tell me you’re shaking, even though you hate me
I will keep you warm and still
Shut the door on who we’ve been known to be
To its death,
Let fall your will

I'm
In loveee
With the
Boy

You move,
And send me a mile out
You pour, and I bloom
Endless stars and open space
Bleed from my open chest for you
The very greatest,
Of all creation
Burns hot and white where your lips left it
Your eyes filled with rain
And all the green buds that have flowered again

My muse?
She has a name, Carmen
We've got a lot of this
Energy,
Well, it's bubbling
And bouncing, pounding even
That's what's hitting the walls,
My jaw,
Time, money
Both I've spent way too much of
I wished s(he)'d hit me
But if so, here we go
Uh oh