To say you'll pick up
Is a fifty-fifty shot
But that means that you are,
Just as much as you're not
They tell me I'm pretty,
If only that was enough
Seems even kids get sick of candy
If they eat too much

How would your hair feel in my fingers
In a new world?
Or your stomach against my back,
In the twilight
Before any decisions can be made
In the lavender hours when we are vulnerable and un-expecting
Still mine, still yours,
Until we again become ourselves
Though feeling our own pulse
Through the other’s hand

And he said to me,
Punch first and punch hard
In your evening eyes I see winter stars
Cover mine, I'd still know where we are
Pull me in and shock me with your pounding heart
Yes I guess,
Yes it's best,
When moments come in flashes
May your wanting ache,
Your crossed fingers happen
Lover you'll see, I flirt with madness
But I'll never stray,
You've got it all
You're the missed step and the plunging fall

The house is locked and doused,
Give me one more breath to light it
Then you can take me in a grey-blue storm
I’ve been ready to go

I couldn’t save the lawn or tiles
Rotting loudly
Cracking like fingers in a fight
I think if I had just one night
I’d give it to you quickly

Stab me,
Oh baby just **** me
Take all I said in a moment of trusting
*******, throw it back at me
Prove me right again, lemme have it
Toss my head around, fantastic
Nail me to the wall,
I'm bleeding, but laughing
Make yourself sick
With your lie soaked spit
I'll still get what I want
You may be a quitter,
But I'm not

I want to drown in you
Because if I'm not six feet deep,
If I'm not surrounded and submerged,
I don't do well in empty space
Well let's just say,
When I have room to move,
I'm a wolf in the herd

I'm walking,
And all I see are little puddles of blue
Blue, how typical
Blue, that's tries to be red and green
Blue, that will never see into me
Where are the crazies?
My ocean of rainbows, deep?
I can't live with the roommates in my head
They like to fight over chores while I'm not sleeping in bed
My muse, she's a hider
Wants me to speak for her
I can, lady, I can
I always have
It's the words they don't understand

I wish I wasn't so vindictive,
I wish I wasn't so into hurting,
Then kissing
One small slip, I'm in a cold sweat
Waiting with a knife,
Ready for the lies,
All I know is things missing
Never the one,
Or just having fun,
You'll have to talk me through it, I'm shaking
Always on the edge,
Painted blue and red

It's like when I talk,
He's waiting for me to stop
So he can take my chin and tilt it up
Like shut up and kiss me,
Baby shut up and miss me
'Cause you hear what I say
You look in my eyes
He stares at my face

I just hope how I feel will stay the same,
Once you're here, and we're laying by the beach
Once summertime is the backdrop for you and me
With you I don't compare,
To the past or present, men in my dreams
You know I have a way of making things seem
Like the long-time-coming fate I need

I just hope how I look, and the way you look at me,
Matches and glows, baby we'd be
Just like warm sand all over the streets
Red and gold,
There by the beach

"Where the **** are we?"

For the love of god
And the adderall
And the after- all
Don't jump, let yourself fall
Take a risk, a ****-it kiss
These are the nights I'm gonna miss
I hope your eyes stay
As green as they are tonight
You always put up a fight  
And baby, I'll always do it best

You’re the moon over the ocean
And all the light in between
Rising high,
Washing over me
In your love,
I’m clean

All the girls,
Wearing the same skirt
Tugging at your shirt
It feels good with the black and the lights
Grind your teeth, closing eyes
Red heels won't touch you like I could
And she don't listen to the songs we would
I love seeing the candy dance in your eyes
Oh I love the fever in your sighs
So much for such a young guy
Such a crazy time
Wild ******* ride
Kiss the salt and taste the lime
There's plenty of room for yours and mine
It'll come
So much fun

I keep betting on you,
You keep throwing the game
I've dug a trench just walking in place
It'll rip me to go, burn if I stay
I roll the dice and take the pain
Like getting 22 over and over again
I'm losing my money, I'm losing my grace
I must love how it hurts since I've been insane
I have no excuse for this trip down the drain
Marbles we are,
You're the one that strays
Rolling out of my circle chain

I'd get down and get intense with you
Yeah, I'd go and be illegal with you

This sweat isn't for you
Got a whole lot of lyin to do
I mean thanks for the bottle,  I like it I do
It'll really be good when the boys roll through
When it slides down my throat
When it spills on the floor
When the scent of cinnamon slips out the door
What? Did you think we'd drink it together?
I like it much better when 'forever' is 'fornever'
Dinner? With you? Sure I'd love to
Take me out and show me around
Ill get high after so I won't come down
Ill be a polite lady just for you
But only if you get me a bottle
Or two

It's dark
I... can't.. I can't see
And the walls talk
And say its not worth it
It's so not worth it
I wish I knew what happened
After you breathe, say goodbye
And they ask me why
Because the moon isn't as bright
And he doesn't look at me the same
And the summer was such a hot one
"You're gonna burn up, girl"
Oh please, please
Burn me up
Backed into a corner, she cries
They get mad when she catches their lies
Behind her back, ratta tat tat
Metal on wood, it hurts more than it should
Where to go, what to do
Up at 4am, lashes wet and thick as glue
So hot your sheets are soaked through
I want to do it
But I don't want it to hurt
But sticking around
Would be even worse

I try to tend to the wreckage on my own
Because the sun is now so bright
And I hope maybe it will dry the rot and water-logged pieces
But I don’t have enough water to make new blood
The salt clings to my skin and holds on
How close to the animal body is the voice of the heart?
How close are death from dehydration and falling out of love?
Is there anything you could do that would ever be enough?
Was it your plan to **** us both,
Just to be right all along?
I wish I’d fall asleep and wake up taken
Taken from you

Under the covers,
You told me to come outside
See the sun, and his moon lover
Well I've always been a flame,
But now I'm unlike any other
As you light me up and say my name
Candles or the stove,
The soft saltwater glow
They're radiant all the same
You said come outside,
See the stars
Your eyes big as space

LA, Hollywood, I'm in love
Malibu, Palm Springs, what a rush
Santa Monica, girl you got it all
Glass table girls, "gimme a twirl"
NoHo, Big Bear, Cambria
Taste the sun, look at the view
The moon will teach you what to do
Flip that hair, we get down anywhere
Everywhere, look over there
In your underwear, wine on the stairs
Baby chill, who cares

Would it be too much to take a sip from your stars,
Uncover the man left staring blank into the crowded yard
And your apology was quick and nimble
I had planned to meet you there
In the sand

He still got it,
We still got it
And I know it, I've always known it
You'd come up every year or two,
Kept thinkin how I bet I still knew you
We were mad, little bads just havin fun
Summertime, only time we ever had free run
Just kids, n when they click it's real
Sandbox love, mhm, for real

Idontknowidontknowidontknow
Why do I have to?
If only this glass could tell me
Tell me the answer, go on, tell me little glass
Filled to the tippy top
Pretty please with sugar on top
And cinnamon too just for you
Michael! Ugh Michael
I want to make you happyyyyy, and make you loveeeeee me
How silly really, really
Really? Really!
Really dude, really
Seriously girl, no kidding
Turn right here, go all the way down
Hit the pedal right outta this town

So much hate, you take the cake
Compared to me, look at your winning streak
You're what all the kids are into
You're what all the girls have gotten into
Save it for the bedroom
Save it for the full moon
Not this place, we're on holiday
I can't help you through your cage

Wide eyed
Baby gray-blues
Blue shirt,
Blue soul too
And I ask myself every time
I made it clear, showed up both nights
And you're sick with something you can't quite touch
Maybe your throat is just rough,
Maybe you're still in love

It starts snowing in your room
Soaking the carpet, your socks
The sound you hear isn't pumping blood
It's a tin cup falling
Waking up with a sore throat
And the covers ripped off
Tossing and turning, tossing some more
Toss October right out the door
Erase the words, erase your mind
I go back there all the time
All I have is a memory
Of her laughing through the screen door
Something you said
You did it again
Baby, she's got dark eyes like me
If only she knew what my pair have seen

You made me a woman
On the second of December
You didn't let me smoke
You wanted me to feel
You
Jon saw you kiss me
Like you wanted him to see us
You don't think
Of how you were the first one
To touch me
And make my toes curl
It was your birthday present first
But turned into a present for me

Dads first girl after mom
Was a painter named Charlotte
Shari for short, like her blonde hair
That's how she wore it
She had a tattoo of a dragon,
And liked pink orchids
And her mom had bonzai trees
Around the garden
She let me cut out pictures of bears
And glue them to cardboard, daisies in my hair
Daddy and Shari broke up when I was 9
Doesn't last long for a druggie and his dime
I still hear her slippers
On the stairs, up and down
Charlotte The Painter is a doctor now

I asked him if he cares
He asked me what I said
I wonder if he'll ever start putting sheets on his bed
Ripping up my clothes never felt so good
And a million bucks says
She'll never know

You lay down with dogs,
You've got the worst flees
I lied down with you
Now there's dirt on my knees
I keep having dreams
With you in the rafters
And nightmares that maybe
I can't end our chapter
I keep seeing bikes
With boys on the top
And the lips in my hair
Say "you love him a lot"

I saw your face for the first time in a long time, and it was no longer mine.
And the pain was gray and pink, and soft, like gum, like gums
No longer able to bite
The smile I’d snuffed with confusion
Seen with the eyes you no longer flooded
I cannot say what it was
But it had fur and it breathed deeply
And I loved and bled for it
Now you are yourself again
The paint, before it dried
Before we ever touched it

If innocence was measured in Halloween candy collected,
You'd be nine and I'd be nineteen
Empty bag,
Drunk off my ***
Howling at the moon
All hot for the street

I saw your name on a furniture store sign,
Bright across the highway
Among all the fluorescence and so peaceful
As if I could say hello to the graveyard with love,
As if the Best Buy and supermarket were also debts we had squared
Together

Keep on with that makeup girl,
You always make the scene
And keep dancin
With that bottle girl
You're the ***** queen
Kiss all those mirrors girl,
You're a lost boy's dream
Tell me again how much you hate this world
I love it when you scream
And you're running away?
All you got is makeup and a pipe in that gray bag
Badass

Baby I'm
A hot flicker in a glittering flame
From a cold night sweat, I call your name
I just can't stay in this place
It's all too much because it's all the same
Pull me in like I knew you would
I counted us out,
And now I can't get enough
I breathe in and out,
My own air chokes me now
Empty space
That you don't cut through
Is not the same


And I'll say it again,
For you this time
I ******* NEED you like the nights
Like pillows in a missile fight
I'm just shaking and rolling around,
You'd never let me go down

"I like that shirt, it looks good on you"
"I like your nails, that colors cool"
You have to forgive
To feel anything again
Even if you can't
Even if you can't

That boy has friends just like you
That girl hates her parents, too
The mailman has to feed his kids
His wife is dead
He has no bed
That girl was at a party last night
That's why her hairs a mess
She's in three different fights
And see those circles under her eyes?
Jack Daniels did that to her too
That woman has a therapist
Her husband won't give her a kiss
And all these people need something too
They're all living
Just like you

Bad writing,
Big words
Sounds so good when spoken to a sheep herd
Oh,
How I hope to find a song bird

Sophie this is for you
Never met a girl as wild as me
I know you know it too
A heavy tolerance to match mine
The same devious brown eyes
Sit next to me, it'll be okay

Got sent away then
Few weeks into May when
Summer started in like five days and
I didn't believe her
Words soaked in sweetener
I took it lightly
Until I stopped getting chimes from her

Hey Calli, it's Sophie
I'm leavin today at two
I hope ill get a letter from you
Don't back down
Run that mouth
Be as crazy as you are when I'm around
Ill be back at the end of August
I promise

What an ugly word
From the mouth of an uglier girl
Do you know what he does?
I do
I'd rather be explicit
Than be like you
****? ****.
Cherry pop? How bout cherry bomb
Red hot cherry love
Speak those ugly girl words,
No matter
The only thing we have in common can't get enough

yep, I see you. **

One line
One time
My baby girl is such a dime

Tissues and beers
My own tears
Wasted on you
Gas and yelling
My favorite perfume, so pretty smelling
Wasted on you
Friendships lost, my favorite socks
**** and TV and black flip flops
All wasted on you
I wasted myself on you

You think you crazy?
LIL GIRL GO BACK TO BED
Close your always open mouth for once,
You ain't seen insane yet
I'm sick, a candy sweet *****
You want another cavity?
Come take a lick
I'm right on the edge,
Shut up, you know what I said
So now you hard? I guess now you'd rather be than receive
I'm borderline like Marilyn, Anna and Britney
Angie, Amy, and baby Lindsay
You so worn out,
Won't survive another trip to the washing machine
This ain't a poem, it's a rap
And you bout to be my afternoon snack
Maybe not, I'm trying to watch my fat
Not that i eat too much anyway,
Watchin you taught me better than that
Sit down,
You're a ****** joke
It's all in the lines,
Your past says so

I could never fight you, pretty
My co-first command
My right hand man
They couldn't catch us
You watch the door and I pick the lock,
Giggle and sip while he grinds his jaw
Clasp your hands together,
So I can step up
Split it in half so we'll both get enough
It's been a year
Still can't find us

The crushing weight
Of a silent fate
That I could feel rolling in like the tide
We went down in flames,
Throwing punches at the rain,
As it soaked us one drop at a time
We touched like a flash in the pan
Burning the skin on my hands
Smoke too thick to see
What was it all for?
I keep thinking, had we locked the door
Maybe I’d still feel you all over me

My poems about you do the best
Today you pulled up on the string
My yo yo string
Up, up I went
Like a child's toy, butterfly
This song makes me cry
And happy endings are so boring
Maybe that's why

You are my soda bubbles
And, I love you
So sweet, you fizzle down
My tongue, my throat, around
Say goodbye to loverboy
He is okay
You are okay
Yay

All too fickle, quick and glossy
As the silent and raging tide
Blinking at me like a twinkling planet
Like Mercury,
I’m convinced you exist
Though to see him bare
Would be to nearly miss it
Heavy handed is the reckless tongue,
All too rare is the fire
Able to weld two jagged, mangled pieces
Undeserved and virginal is the prayer
Making them one

I’ve no body of ivory or pearls,
Even then,
I would blend into the blankness created
So seamlessly painted
If not to give you faith,
These pages upon pages
Are soaked violet in vain

Finally, I hold close to me
That I do not know why the stars flicker in and out
Before going dark once again
They are beautiful still

How the sky glazes over in clouds,
And your raven’s heart
Keeps me just as freezing cold
As icy drops on a window
Hoping for a spring thaw,
Followed by a summer glow
Here,
They feel out of place
Come the next holy day
I’ll make peace with them again
Settling where I belong
Among the meadows and fog

The foreign tongue you speak
Is not of a country known
Or believed
I welcome quiet,
Though complete death of gesture
Deafening silence
Is what you give to me

I do not know why the stars flicker in and out
Before hiding once again
They are beautiful still