and in that moment
I realized I would
never be the one that got away
I was the one you got away with
taking the money
quite literally

and i in my brilliance
ran straight into a burning house
and sat down
waiting for it to burn around me

it’s funny how much
seems to go back to
crayons and little promises
she made to herself
without ever knowing
quite who she would turn out to be

i wanted real
is what I actually should say
I wanted to be able to come home and argue
and disagree and fight
— fight for and fight through
and looking back
I could hear it.
that it could only ever be the ‘good’ for you
so that it would be right for you
because coming home wanting to tell me the best news
— was the only news you’d ever tell me
as the front door quickly became barricaded with the newspapers of the worst news
threatening lives like the promises you made
and recyclables with the ones I did too
—because really,
it wasn’t just you.

I know
I’ve loved you in another lifetime
with different eyes
and different smiles
but the same laughter
the same freckles
and the same heartbeat

etched across the stars
and written in our bones
how glad am I
that she knows you like that

you held me
I finally realized
and I leapt into your arms like nothing happened
but it did.

and we both pretended that if we curled in
away
but together
we could continue to grow

intertwined

but my vines were killing yours
and your roots were getting entrenched in my own
suffocating

but we held each other
pretending not to count down the seconds

you said it was unrealistic
and I realized the most unrealistic thing
was you calling this love
and I believed it.

i hope the pillow is not cold
but that it is well loved
warm and fluffed

i pray the sheets lay tousled
a little unkempt

and i hope
the pillows move

strewn around the room
with the dreams and goals

making progress
with life
and a little sleep