the leaves moved slowly
going every which way
avoiding the ground
holding out
like if it veered long enough
hard enough
maybe even fast enough
it would miss contact
with its fated
embrace into
a new beginning

I loved the way you touched me
when my eyes were closed in the sunshine
when it was quiet in the moonlight
and that made it all right

I wish it could’ve last forever
perfection when clothes were laid on the floor
and words were not the language we used.

when you saw me how you wanted me, and how I wanted you too.

but alas,
the day is rarely that bright
or illuminated like that night

so perfection
was met with a curfew
one too short for me
and you

you fed me to the wolves

and defended them when they bit down
and left chunks.

you would rather swallow the bile
and pretend like that was love

than look at my wounds
and see it for what it really was.

I used to wonder why he looked back
with the last few steps
after thousands
maybe even more

but I realized at a quarter past two
I was doing the same thing
looking at you

i am relearning to dance in my kitchen
hopping to the beat
swinging and laughing
with and without friends
but often
in the sunlight

for the girl who thought
the sun would never rise again
yes

I dance for her

I scream love me
from the top of my lungs
hoping I don’t run out of breath
and you hear that little
rattle

that I myself
am unsure
what there is left to love
in these bones of mine

it’s that moment
where you look at them across the way
and know

you wouldn’t lay on the train tracks for them
god no.

you’d learn how to sing
to sit in silence
make their favourite meal
and maybe change a bike tire.

I’d wanna live.
The incredibly terrifying, soul-wrenching ordeal, of living with them. for them.

and maybe even because of them.

it’s in that moment
you see all the moments
that aren’t just the last.