I wonder if you feel beautiful in your skin
as I sit in the lamplight, covering mine
watching limbs of strangers and friends
and feeling insignificant,
yet too large for comfort,
too large to be looked at,
too large to be looked past,
please.
Inside this small talk, I am screaming
inside myself
pleading with the world for a chance to start over,
please
just a chance to be normal
just a chance to be beautiful
please,
I just want to be a person worth loving

My plea hits the front of my mouth,
I choke it down, let it coil and drop.
Leaden and heavy.

...

The night drags, laughter presses on my silent lips
Drunken song fills the air
and I'm weighted by my own sharpness

I hope tonight that the devil finds me in my sleep.
I need to think about things.

Thoughts clawing at the seems.
Begging, crying to get out.
I wish to speak my mind to you.
These feelings slowly scratching their way, leaving me ready to shout.
When you are around it feels as if my heart was unfrozen.
Ready to speak it all though afraid I will only sound like scratched record on replay.
I don't know how to act, what to say or what to do.
I have these civil wars in my brain of what and what not to say.
I never figured that these feelings would have grown so immense.
I know that I have no chance.
Everything is jumbled when you are not around, though when you are; everything makes sense.
Right when I look into your eyes, even if it is only a glance.
At times I wonder if i'm not catching hints, do I take the right vibe?
I never ask my questions, so there in my mind they linger; answers unknown.
Sometimes I wonder if you are hiding something inside.
Unknowing of how you feel, I watch my tone.
I have no reason to give up, for none of us know what our future deems.

Closely attending,
Unclouded attention to subtle changes,
Different today,
I must notice,
Or be left out of,
Something which has changed,
Amost imperceptible,
As it should be,
Admired from up close,
Held and embraced,
I drag my fingers through your hair,
And wrap my arms around you,
Holding tightly,
Your lips I kiss,
Pulling this body of mine,
Into you,
My skin,
Touching and teasing your outward soul,
Investigating offers,
Reaching deeply,
Into you,
Following blindly,
Your direction and subtle gestures,
To the finality of end.

******* very much,
Indian tow truck driver
Now I owe my aunt.

Yes, I saw the sign
And yes, you are an *******.
I guess we both are.

******* money, man.
It's not like I got a lot.
And now I owe more.

*******, native friend.
You were just doing a job.
I'm just ******* now.