Caitie

Caitie Apr 2014

if there's one thing In this world I want it would to be gone. just away from everything that I've ever felt and dreamt. everything that I once loved I no longer love it and never will. everything that I have brought into my life walked out the second it saw unstable and withered souls that posses my body. insanity and destruction captivate me and **** everything I am. nothing will change. nothing will be construed as happiness and we will never feel to be loved again. simply because our anger is our whole being and nothing else can love us enough to know what we need. we don't even know what we need. completely immune to life and it's subtleties. nothing phases us. we are invincible because we are hurt. we are anything but living and we no longer can fathom a true routine of living. we are breathing but we are dead. and that's the worst thing to be.

Caitie Mar 2014

Pictures

pictures scare me
they're like portrayals of undoubted fun
you look at them
they have become memories
and you relive them in your head
you laugh at the face you made
or the jokes made from that night
but you realize that moment
will never happen again.
the picture can be taken
just as fast as the fun started
and can be destroyed
just as fast as the memory fades.
in an instant.
before your eyes.
before you realize what happened.
like paper in a flame.
nothing lasts forever.

Caitie Mar 2014

5:45 am

5:45
Tonight I held my own hand.
It made me feel less alone
and gave me false but simple happiness.
I stroked my thumb
back and forth
the same way you stroke your lips
on my skin.
in one side of my body
I felt you
and your caring heart
and the other side
felt but only
mere excitement.
waiting for you
to be in my arms again.

Caitie Mar 2014

you do not belong here

knowing that you
are put in a place
and given the world
without doing anything to deserve it
makes you realize
that you are worthless
and completely
and utterly
ignored.
knowing that no one
has given you a chance
to prove yourself
prove your worth.
you can tell
no one cares
no one wants to give you
the time of day
or a second to speak
and you feel
overwhelming regret
swoop above you
and grab you by the shoulders
take you to a place
where you can be happy
and alone.
and although you are alone
you are not
unwanted.

Caitie Mar 2014

Kylin

only a girl
with this much soul
and this much heart
knows what it means
to be broken
what it means to hate.
how it feels to die
and shatter.
put through
most difficult tests
and given the hardest duties.
you cant stop her.
she is invincible
beyond her loving heart
and soft soul
she is strong
and she hides her pain
to suffice the feelings
of her closest allies.
but she will not break
and she will not falter
because she,
she is the one to put back together
everything that was never
meant to break.

I love you kylin.

Caitie Mar 2014

unfamiliarity

there are a lot of things in life
that I am not familiar with
a lot of people I do not know
and a lot of places ive never seen.
unfortunately ive seen the open road
and the highway to heartbreak.
discussed the fatal dues
and the darkened reality of life.
ive seen the devil himself
telling me to betray
and helping me hurt.
im used to the underground
and the unheard of stories
that ive lived through.
unfamiliarity has made normality a scarcity
but I am no longer scared
of what I don't know.

Caitie Mar 2014

the worlds intentions

every thing about this world is angry.
the way it progressively
hurts and tears its people
and the way we all take it
get used to it
value this hurt.
or the way we get choked up in love.
and caressed by its sharp-clawed intentions.
when we get excited
really excited.
and no one else is there
cheering us on.
or if they are
they care more about
their own victory.
people impress others
to fit in,
or to try and prove something.
but the only thing they prove
is how much of a ****** person
they have become.
this world is full of it.
anger
hate
vile thoughts
and we're trapped.
there is no way out.
not even death can take us away.
so we stay.
and we deal.
and destruct
because that's what the world wants us to do.

I honestly just feel as if there are no good intentions on this planet anymore. everything that comes out of anything involves hurt or deceptiveness and its quite unnerving.