when time summons you
and tells you it is your time
you must go.
reluctantly given no warning
and given no space
reluctantly understanding
thoughts you should never
have to understand.
taking precious and valuable
heart space
and shattered soul
you must go.
listen to time
as it knows best
when our minds fail to cease
our darkened thoughts
and we become violent
listen to time.
listen to its boundaries
and when it tells you to leave.
your heart, nor your head
are substitutions for time.
and if it is not your time
you will know.
forcefully or gently
time will grab you
and remove you from
the place you thought
you should be.
but don't act against it.
you will only come to a place of regret.

at this point
it has come to my attention
that the one thing I wish I could control,
my body rejects and comes to
a sudden halt.
if there was one thing
I wish I could stop
it would be letting your poison
trickle through my veins
and captivate my mind
like it was the only thing
it knew how to do.
although I am to blame,
I myself have no control over
the things my heart and soul are carving
into my naïve and gullible brain.
Ive learned to live
with the hurt and unsettled wishes.
shattered dreams and scattered thoughts
due to you and your once living heart.
now you're nothing but a devil,
satanic to my life.
but I will keep running back to you
and your troubled self
and that's the fault in me
that I will never forget.

How crazy is it
that we are thought
to be under one life form
one mind form, one mindset
thought the same thoughts
have the same feelings?
We don't ever comprehend
each other
unless brought upon
basic thoughts
and common beliefs.
It becomes nearly impossible
to be understood
when individual thoughts
take course.
No matter
how much explanation
is given to one person
your mind
will never be able
to explain your intricate feelings
and the things that cycle through your soul.
I applaud the ones
with their own thoughts and feelings.
it seems as if
everyone has given
the basic life a chance
to transform them
into what we all see
as simple minded
and immature.
Despite the fact
that we are difficult
to understand,
we are our own people
and we have much more to
enjoy
than those with a shriveled brain
and a withered mindset.

when given chances
we often learn to run
to avoid  casualties
amongst our fears.
we turn and scatter
never forgetting
to erase all trace
of our mistakes
whether they have full impact
or none at all
but one thing
we must never forget
is to live beyond our fears
and move forward
through every wrong turn we take.
we must never falter.
we must never give up
even when it seems impossible not to.

do you even understand
what it's like to go home
and have nothing?
to walk into your house
alone
and see that there is no one
at the door
or any family invading
everything you've done that day
and that at night
when you turn out all the lights
the only greeting you receive
is from the darkness
telling you to be fearful
of the unknown.
a swift kiss from the air
speaks you wont be left alone tonight
and again
there is nothing i can do
to stop the scarcity of company
and to accept
this distance
is the only thing i must realize
while being intoxicated by
my fierce surroundings.

I have given myself
one too many chances
to make up for all the stupid mistakes,
the lies and the bitterness.
I thought I could take some time
to get myself together
but it has become apparent
that everything I ever lived for
has transformed into
yet another plague
stripping me whole
of everything i have become.
no where, no how
will i ever
be applicable
to reserve every thought
and every feeling
that has kept me from dispersing.
given no fatal dues
but not pertaining from fatal thoughts
i now resign
from this life
i have completely given up.

once more I have never failed to amaze myself.
every night a new phenomenon
of how I cant seem to live
correctly or in correlation
of common beliefs and thoughts
or of how ive failed to amaze
the high strung bitten woman
who we dare to call a mom.
given my due responsibilities
how could we possibly ask for much
when all I am to this life
is bitter, unwritten
and another weak worthless human being
being asked for more than one can imagine.
unfortunately ive put my all
into pleasing everyone around me
when yet
I have failed to please myself
or do anything that could be considered
pampering.
Focusing on the path ahead
is nearly impossible
when you've been sent off the edge of the road
and now I can plainly see
what ive been destined to do
and it certainly does not involve
your own personal pleasure.