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Caitie Feb 2014
I know for a fact
that im an insomniac.
awake at the darkest hours
only to watch
my demons devour my mind
lay it to rest of tranquility
and eat me away from the inside out.
Never will I believe
in a bed time
or peaceful sleep
because those moments
are far and few between.
I don't give myself credit
for the right things ive done during the day
and it breaks me when I feel
that ive been anything but productive.
maybe my mind is still awake
because I feel like I need
to do something to prove my worth.
or maybe I just cant fathom
the terrible dreams that occur
when I finally fall into sleep.
whatever the reason may be
all I ask is to put my mind at ease
and let me
for once
have a blissfully silent slumber.
Caitie Feb 2014
to think
that at one point I was perfect
for you.
that I actually made you happy.
but now all I ever hear
is how disappointed you are
and how much I messed up.
I try
everything in my power
to commend you and your feelings.
but now I feel like I have completely failed
both you and I.
so once again
ill apologize for my wrongs
and watch you walk away
just as easily as I watched myself
mess up once again.
Caitie Feb 2014
we've all been given a million chances before, and we've all experimented with our own powers. not once will we be asked to abuse our abilities and not once will we be prompted to bite off more than we can chew.
     everything that we do and everything we pursue is by our own will. we will never be told to hurt one another and do it because we are robots, or because it is our job. we do it because we can.
     when given an opportunity, we can either accept or reject. whether it be to hurt, or to hold. to love or to perish one another. it is up to our hearts, our minds; will we carry out this job, or will we cease the opportunity at hand?
     we are not programmed. we are real people. we have our own mindsets and can choose our own fates. we know what we're doing, whether we say we do or not. our minds are aware.
     we are alive.
Caitie Feb 2014
This is the girl that wishes for a piece of change
A cry for a life of happiness
runs through her head.
Would it be too much
to give her what she wishes?
She longs for normality.
The nostalgia in her mind
bringing her back to the days she remembers.
Laughing, singing, dancing...
When will she ever find that again?
It seems this demon has taken over her body
made artwork with slashes
This is her now.
This is who she is.
This is the girl that wishes to live for something more.
Caitie Feb 2014
I let myself get into a mess
only to make you clean it up
and youre sick of it.
I let everything I love
turn to trash
only to pick it up and dust it off.
I let myself get stuck in lies
only to tell myself its everyone elses fault.
I let everyone around me walk all over me
only to see that I deserved it.
All in all
ive let myself down
and everyone else around me.

**c.e.
Caitie Feb 2014
my whole body
it holds secrets
from head to toe
each scar
each imperfection
holds a different story
and my heart contains
every being
and every hurt ive ever felt
my head pounds
and reminds me
that ive been torn
and ive lived a thousand lies.
everything around me
reminds me that I am only
a person
not a superhero
but that wont stop me
from trying to take on the world
with no regrets or restrictions.
my will power
and the way I think
will lead me to destruction
and that will keep me
from living to my fullest extent
so give me a break
and give me some time
to regret my decisions
and learn from all ive done.
Caitie Feb 2014
I have never given anyone my all
my whole body mind and soul
and i never intended to.
but i gave it all to you
and you destructed my whole being.
there was nothing you couldn't do or say
to make me feel any ******* than i already did
you decided to change
and come back
try to make it better
and make up for all of your wrongs
and i fell into it
and i forgave
i forgot.
i forgot that you
were just another deceiving man
who had nothing better to do with his life
than to mess with everyone elses.
I made mistakes
and I acknowledge my wrongs
but i know i will make the same mistakes again
i know you will waltz back into my life and i will accept it.
there is nothing you can say or do
that will keep us parted.
but that's all my fault
because its all a game to you.
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