last night
you came over to visit
and for the first time in a while
i could see that look
in your eyes.
that look that told me you were content
and in a good state of mind.
one that told me you were at peace with life
and the utmost in tune
with everything around you.
1:30 am
we laid down
legs and arms intertwined
heads on shoulders
and nothing but pure innocence
was the outcome of the night
no words
no laughing
no crying
no fighting
but blissfully silent slumber
rose from the night
and at that moment
we both were untouchable
and invincible to any harm.

Don't you dare ever
tell me you'll always be here
when a million times before
you've left and left me dead
and alone and lost.
So don't you dare ever
think I won't know
when you're going to abandon me
or when I'll know when I have to be alone
because you drop our whole life
to continue sulking in your own.
No way in hell will I ever
believe that it would work
and you could mend my broken
because you're not whole
and your intentions are wrong.
Don't you dare.
Ever.
Think that you're not destroying me.

it's one thing
to be alone
and another to be lonely
when you're alone
there are feelings of
regret and sorrow
not knowing what it's like
to be completely comforted
completely loved.
not having a soul to caress you.
being entirely restricted.
when you're lonely
you have people there
and you have the love
but momentarily
you are alone
for a fact
I know that im entirely alone
and I feel that regret and sorrow
I am not loved
and I am not comforted
I am my own
I am alone

I know for a fact
that if we aren't in it for the love
we're in it for the lust
and I know that when we're together
we can either be love
or we can define lust.
im in absolute awe
I don't know what to do
when you seem not to care
I need someone with more soul
and more feeling.
you've stripped me of comfort
and made me numb to others.
I have been stuck on your love
and you've stuck in my mind.
2 years later we're inseparable
and I have found no other soul
capable of making mine whole.
so I've found myself stuck here
not knowing what to do
and waiting for you to make up your mind
on whether or not you're done confusing mine
but it's sad i'll still be here
until you know.
because I love you

for the first night in a while
I have felt an overwhelming sense
something more than a worth
something less than nothing
that makes me feel less than alive
all else has failed
and I've done so much wrong
In such little time
and no faults will be forgotten
so I am done
and I will fail
because of my own mistakes and washes.
I can no longer do what's right
it has become exhausting
for me to prevail
and be who they need me to be
so I give up
and I will fall
even when I am expected to rise

The actual idea of death is so calming
and hopeful.
when youre dead
you wont need to worry about anything.
People
or pain
or the lives of others.
You, for once
may cater to yourself.
love yourself.
The overwhelming calm
the painful peace.
It all seems so exciting
so riveting.
And for once
you would be able to feel.
And you know what?
I think I fancy.
So I think i'll persue.

It would be so easy
to just end it all tonight.
Pills or knives
maybe a gun or alcohol
Because it's become apparent
that living is overrated
and when all else fails
and you cannot find help
nor hope
you find yourself
contemplation
wanting to evaporate
wanting to disappear.
No one cares
no one would notice.
It would be as easy as that
to just go
distraught
relentless control over mind
reckless rampage of body.
none of it seems worth it
so you see
suicide makes you alive.
so you'll forget the world and just go
so you can live.