i cant split apart these organs
i'll keep the pulses
muffled inside.
cut the circulation
to this sensory layer
of existential
skin
and i'll feel with fire
instead of
blood.
body
instead of
mind.
fingers instead
of souls

Glued in a sea of honey,
like a sugar thirsty fly
trapped and floating
throughout the negative
space our excess
of energy creates.

A rivulet of nostalgia
snakes around
the ever bright
eyes
shining like a beacon
sinking towards the sea
a rubble of glass
is what you
make me.

you ride on rolling waves
always at sea
voyaging across cultures
weaving colorful words into a pattern
beneath my eyelids
i don't think anyone
understands a soul
   flickering
back and forth
between worlds.
when your hands can reach before your poems
and i can feel
  it all
contentment would flow
between us

i got really drunk
and
peed
in a bathtub,
and it was
the happiest i've
been
in

a
while

it was achingly beautiful
when you cut off all your hair,
letting curl upon ebony curl
drift to rest at your feet
the sun never shone
brighter atop your head
i still dream of the angles
of cheeks and knuckles
all blurring together
a cave exists under my sheets
sometimes i can see the hollowness
in a voice
echoing and echoing and echoing
till morning
but by then
such loveliness
had disappeared

"****** *****
you're a ****** *****"
i still hear your words in my head.
i sleep with my hands wrapped
around my wrists;
memories throbbing.
even though he kisses
my pain away
your ghosted horror
still agonizes
the deeper conscious
of mottled brain.

50
missed calls
all in
a
line
51...52..53..
wait there's more.

Feeling encased in a pod
of solitude,
like a slumbering princess
enclosed in a crystal coffin-
alone in a world of sorrow
far off and out of reach.
Maybe my enchantment is flimsy,
and even in sleep I age,
becoming a pillow case too
large to fit properly on a cushion
-my skin swallows my bones-
and when the hope of my fair love's lips
arrive to my chamber,
they draw back in disgust-
the dream of a warm soft kiss
retreating to the shadows
leaving me to rust until my body
sinks into the earth-
like sunken treasure,
lost to the cold confinement
of the sea.

sad sad empty
broken
cracked
decaying
your heart
your fingers claw
for a
morsel
of my flesh.

i ran away away
from the big bad wolf
but you huff
and you huff
and puff
...
and
i am still running away

He loves
She takes
He folds her heart
into neat patterns
careful all the days
She fiddles with the fabric
so it stays in disarray
He smooths it gently,
always.

power comes in simple
uncomplicated motions
like wind through trees
spin spin spin
until dizziness sinks in
and you can plop right
next to me
and i'll clear your head,
get you back on track
again

the ******* city is lit up
like the headlights
of a single vehicle
transitioning into yellow
illuminated mist
in the dim shadows
of the parking lot
a concrete
interconnecting
web of cracks
and
cigarette butts.
my eyes droop pink
into a breath of suffocation
pillow over mouth
face a mask of
idolistic worship
religions ******* tight
passed to holy hands waiting for an offering
that stings and burns the skin
i looked through my eyelashes
wishing to taste
your sin

i want you to drive to me
in this midnight hour
with the world shut up
in a dark closet
come to me
so we can
fill this
fragile span
of moments
with kisses
of longing
and
forbidden
nightly
visits

I am a ghost limb
Fall foilage
Turning into winter's dead heart
An empty gaze
With a bus stop full of people
Silent but speaking
With numb tongues.
And your voice is the only
Thing that's alive

there was a girl
with a chipped tooth
and holes in her stockings.
she hides behind a veil of hair.
stupid boys will
touch her
and she can only stare
at the ceiling
cracks.

i want to take sleeping pills
and huddle under sheets
waiting for the cobalt blue
mouth of night to
swallow me
maybe then loneliness
would take on a new form
and the cavernous shadows
would
be
warm against
my arms

i found your spirit
laying at my feet
upon the ground
it was a tattered sheet
transparent threads
shreds of a spider web
i gathered in my arms
careful as glass
a sad mess
your sorry soul
i found it
i loved it
and i knew it was mine

when a boy wants your body
kick him in the mouth
make him bleed a torrent of red
and watch the fear flow out of you
into him
then leave, button up your shirt,
tell yourself you cannot be burned,
and light that ******'s
house on fire.

i found a love
within myself
that i didn't know was there
but it was filling up like a pool
collecting rainwater
for the droughts to come
and when my throat  was dry
i didnt plead for a sip
from your veins, a tangled web,
but instead
i swam inside my stomach
curling fingers around
dancing seaweed
finding all that i needed
existed
between the tiny pulses
growing louder
with each realized
moment.

I rolled up
George Washington's green face
And ****** the world into my nostrils
Feeling the decay
Of lost cities
Run on sentences
Rotting inside
Scarred throats
A bus into the grimy city-
Tires screeching on the road paved in bones

there's nothing
that i cannot feel-
mostly it's this hollowness
a computer program circuit.
the world makes us all the same,
into malfunctioning robots.
the cogs in my heart
cease to turn
and it's ragged
jagged
numbness

chipped china cups stained
with cherry red prints from your lip stick.
the way you swing your body languidly
through the wispy smoke
hanging in the air like a reunion of ghost;
always enchanted me so.
here the graves lie of all the lovers whose
hearts were severed by your gentle fingers
cutting out the sacred testimonies wedged
brightly in every heart.
they stained the earth,
for they had something
to give
but although your eyes open
with surprising brilliance,
how can anything you see
hold meaning?

that girl she was sad
so she got high all the time
hoping to change her insides
hoping to dispel all memories of
your touch, your scent, your dimple, your crooked lips
your screams, yourhurtthatyouimpregnated within me
and that hate that gushed out of your throat and into
her heart,
my heart,
my heart full of hate
hating my lungs for breathing in smoke,
hating my hair for brushing up against my cheek
and remembering your fingers
and all the parts that fit
inside of me.

we're broken glass
a cerulean summer
that makes you sigh
under waves
of ocean

we're just a tangle of limbs,
skin and teeth
sinking our fangs
in whatever
escape we can get our hands on
******* all the experience
of drug dazed lust
and nights veiled in smoky dust,
car windows broken open,
the glass embedding into
our dreams
a mosaic of the world opening up,
sliding down it's throat
as the wind whispers secrets into our hair
and we flick the ashes of cigarettes
over and over
awkwardly holding them between fingers,
pretending to know how to smoke
professionally
all the innocent pretend to be *****
until one day it's just there
the shirt fits
and you forget
how to skip backwards,
chalk staining knee caps
we're done
quite done.

i was lying on the street
with cracked ribs and cold feet
never thought i'd had it in me.
heights, never really my thing
but not as terrified as people think
it was a peculiar notion
to see if i could fly
like so many birds before me
but here
with this stinging sensation
coursing through every inch of my frame
i realized
quite quickly
that my wings had
been broken.

my days become calendar boxes
fitting each miserable heart break
between the times of
2 am until unblinking eyes
muster up the courage to open the blinds
and the morning starts over again
where i tend to forget
that you think i'm a monster
with a ribcage full of blizzards.
you see, the sun fills my
consciousness with a mirage
where i am a broken mouth
numbed on nova cane      
and the pain is a dull thud that
can fade into the background
until the darkness blankets my psyche
in a silent cocoon
and your horror film scars
throb along my skin.

The wet, neon light spills on the pavement
Like animated paint.
Cars and people rush by
A cacophony of the future, industry, and hurried time.

But my love for you is simpler,
It's slower, like the soft flutter of eyes,
How a flower unfurls its petals
every second filled with a fragrance,
growing stronger.
Like muted snowflakes
drifting down to rest
Coating the earth in its peaceful caress.
My heart hums a gentle rhythm until suddenly,
it becomes a song.
A consistent feeling that won't become a city skyline,
or a technological gadget replaced by tomorrow,
but something solid
like ground under our feet,
and the blood flowing between.

Linoleum lined cheeks
steely eyes glinting
with harsh determination.
we dwindle in the stony
silence
apart from industry
and nature's
comforting presence.

you slithered
into my lungs
choked my voice
didn't let me run
you crushed my ribs
now you want back
back into my garden
but you see,
everything is growing, finally

you screamed into the highway
tunnel
streets lined
with cracked glass
and broken people
without homes
said you wanted the dark
filled shame
in unwashed sheets-type-days
with dingy motel rooms
and coin laundry.
i don't want
the clean clipped sunday school
smiles
and the sunshine should be
a cold,
phosphorescent,
so i know
that i'm not
being lied to.

laughing
touching sun rays
with bare feet
bare promises
with no spine
crushed and dragging
leaving a trail of scarlet
dying beautifully,
if you look at me
i'll die beautifully.

send her with a ribbon
and "i'm sorry"
on her lips
because girls should feel ashamed
of the bodies they possess.

sunday bled down my legs
my petals bloomed
your bitten lips
and the smirks between my thighs
a burning kiss
the bathtub water turned murky
a  basin of sin
cutting up ******* lines
perfect symmetry
****** apartments with molded
carpets
kids with their hair bleached
love disillusions the mind  
   to me that's scarier
than a needle
puncturing veins
and
the long twist of train tracks
on lonely purple nights,
winter bitten cheeks

i try and talk
and get to know
the person that
i hope you are.

i have those moments where
i think,
this is it,
you're really not as shallow as a sink.

but then you talk about clothes
and expensive things
and how your daddy
gives you money
as often as the
average person breathes.

truly i am sorry,
dear lord knows i tried
but if i hear one more
word about parties
and lip colors
and hair dye
i think i might scream
and suffocate you
in your sleep.

you hurled my blouse
over my head
and my *******
ballooned out in front
of your lips.
your kisses were small fires
that burned beneath my skin
and my eyes rolled back in my head-
seeing instead with
hands.

i felt sad today.
i painted the walls blue
and sat down in front of the window,
searching for you.

brown blotches
feathers in no way
glossy
unnoticed
and
dull.
small fragile
bones.
a sister of
depression,
people will always pass over thee.
of course when there's
creatures like cardinals
with
flaming red bodies.

but eyes cannot tell all
for ears that open too
can never mistaken
the ever sweet
tune of the
bird
almost always
forgotten;
but not quite.

swollen cheeks
and bellies
dancing with the
succulent satisfaction of being filled.
but i am empty.
my palms desolate deserts searching
for the source of energy
to quell my wandering soul.
yearning for deeper connections
and a sink
to upheave the
dry heaves
of lonely
nothings.

Every night we count the stars,
then you count my eyes.

the craters of the moon
carve out a fiercely
illuminated face
cheekbones of
rouge and twinkling eyes
beckoning between
the rose bushes
and the purple ivy
climbing up the rooftops
to reach over gothic spirals
an undoing of night.
the red burn of craze
quickens the twitching
of a pestilent ache
within the knuckles
to crack and spill out the silence of
the world
within them

we layed in the room
with the peeling wallpaper;
the sweetly painted flowers
now crinkled and drooping;
you swallowed your heart and
i asked you where it went.
you said you didn't know
what i meant.
but when i curled my toes around yours,
they were stone cold;
and i could see that your eyes-
once a habitat of wild floras and faunas-
had turned to granite.
i nestled my body tightly against
this unfamiliar tombstone
that held the sculpted angles of
your shoulder blades
and the empty lost echo of
your heart beating.

So when you feel sad
you take a hit,
a puff of sweet acrid wind
to blow you away
across the dark expanse of the day.

You leave me deep in the shadows
while you float above it all
like a blimp
sailing over industrial grime.

What escapes me
is simply this:
you have me,
you have my hand
and I have wings
that can carry us both
because i don't need
medication.

I have something more
potent than that.
Even when I forget;
it's still there.
The hope that blinds
my pupils
like an
Aztec sun.

Come back down
and we'll run bare foot
across this town,
but i can't race someone
that isn't here.

I lay curled in a sleepy pile,
sheltered from the world outside, from the rain beating the
earth like a worn out drum.
It thrums in a sorrowful manner,
Wanting people to listen, hear it's muffled cries.
But everyone's too busy and rushes on with their lives.
Although I am inside, I can gaze through the window panes,
the drizzle of drops spelling out my name.
The song of the gray sky and the water pouring from it mix into a symphony and I stay tuned.
Even though inside my tangled veins a rush of industrious activity hammers through my being,
I drown it all out.
Just to sit.
In peace.
With the ballad of the world playing out before me.

it's sunday
and the dog lies on the rug
the fire spits
and the leather chair
is devoid of human warmth.
the scene is picturesque
a cabin fit for the woods
the books are dusty,
pages worn,
it could have been lived in-
but this place is just a skeleton.

the moon's pale hair
dusted the top of the water tower
spattered in graffiti rust.
i want so much to flick the dirt
from under my nails
and the dried blood smeared on lips.
i took a seminar on how to give back
and we learned to cut up plastic cup holders
and draw crosses on our hands.
i hung your painting in the room with the ink stains.
i feel nothing while i pass through this life,
paper mache carnations
king of clubs
missing buttons
all collect under my nails.
i just want to scrub
until it's fleshy pink
and i can write poetry again

Bodies drip,
Like molten candle wax.
I've glued my heart to your chest.
You never asked for it, though it's there.

Too bad the handle with care
label was scratched away.

Maybe then you'd have changed your ways.