the slit in the curtain
spills out
unhinged light
it's icy and it splatters
across the darkness
like a reflection from a pool.
interrupting
sad eyes and eager hands
holding blades that
shriek in silence.
the cold, unsaturated
light
awakens reality
and quiets shameful
thoughts.
only when the birds sing at night
do we understand
the price it costs
to take one's
own
life

Red angry agony
accuses
your wrists
with slashes of uncomfortably
raised skin
rolling like roiling roaring
waves
in an ocean so black
so desolate
so misplaced.

the scent of soggy cigarettes
fills my nostrils
and my stomach swirls in a queasy
tempest.
this is alien territory.
i built my bones around your organs,
always there to protect
your sensitive heart...
but my bones were malnourished
and they yellowed
over time,
until i could feel the decay
and knew it was the season
for you and i to learn different roles.
for you, you had to be your own anchor
and for me,
i needed to find relief
i needed to be free,
give my bones some exercise.
although, with your beating blood gone,
i feel empty inside,
absent are the things i've always known
but now there are horizons and trees
and birds and suns to hang in the sky,
with my bare
hands
all on my own,
a journey that is waiting
for my footprints.

Born from fire and coal
You break bones with fists of stone
Your eyes are rubies
in a face of smoke
You visit
****** white daisies
and wither them to husks,
petals scattered among ash.
I was a flower once.
Delicate and small
White as innocence should be,
I stood tall.
Your fires came,
slowly at first,
the flames so warm-
I wanted to burn.
You became a forest fire in my vision,
blurring everything else.
Your flaming fingers
plucking my petals
one by one.
I was no different.
No one will be,
Because fire destroys,
And salvation was
lost
on
you.

gray and blue and black
make up the angles and cheekbones
of you.
you're a painting with a film of dust
and i'm an attic that welcomes rust
broken windows, ripped screens
nests that house the emptiness of centuries,
and dolls that no longer have the mechanics to blink.
i guess you could form the conclusion
that i am a heap of broken things
floating inside a dead room
and you are a picture in a frame
that lives in shadows
etched in the silver starlight
of regrettable shame.

yawning through the
delirium of misted
mountains
ridged in incandescent
footprints
skeletal bodies
swaying with the swamp
reeds
playing the haunting melody
of history
torn from
the bibles
of non-believers

Sleep comes creeping into your eyelids, tears stain your cheeks. It won’t be long until you won’t feel your heart beat.

You drown in numbness and when you awake, the pain of the memory jolts in your brain.

Staring at the ceiling with it’s chipped paint, wishing you could go back into that wasteland where you felt no pain.

Just the bliss of forgetting. Or not remembering.

You wonder how you can face the day with this hopeless bubble encasing your essence.

How can you go on living when there’s nothing in your chest pumping the blood?

Just a gaping chunk of splayed veins, their ends frayed.

Your ends frayed, as well.

the woman laid her stomach
over the child's soft downy head
as a shield
as armor
to protect such soft innocence
from the grainy world that creeps in
with it's gnarled fingers.
the same world that took
the warm fragile beating
of her heart
and sloooooooowed
it
to
a
dull whisper

straddle death
make it laugh
make the reaper
cease to reap
dig up the grave yards
the stones decay
because today our lives
will flourish
our hearts will not
rot
inside our chests
i've told my ghosts
to move on by
because
i
i am alive

living inside a prism
that reflects the light
and breaks it into fragmented colors
that stain the white hallways,
your breath a sandstorm
my hands crave skin
any skin
my hands crave hands
and pumping bodies
to fill a void larger than the empty matter
that surrounds
our drooping heads.
my stomach is a green house
of sticky moisture
sickly green
the roots between my lungs
were ripped out with calloused fingers
and i don't think i've ever been held
with the intent to instill comfort.
no lips to kiss my bones and cloak
them in the idea
of having an existence that
isn't so
completely    alone

we wanted to buy a house
with an oceanfront view
so we could lounge
on our wrap around
porch
and listen to the seagulls.
that was before
fragile hope was
cast away
and dashed against rocks,
sinking beneath waves.

i call this the golden hour:
i only notice when my
heart is content-
and right now, its swimming
in a sweet heady fragrance;
the leaves on the trees drip yellow honey
the windows radiate;
kitchen walls glowing warmly
and all our skin stained
with the color of laughter.
and  i know the light is
rejuvenating
and i know that right now
i'm golden too

i carved my heart out
of lapis lazuli
because i thought
it would be pretty.
but prettiness fades
like the warmth of youth
from a school girl's cheeks
and my heart has shattered
a thousand times over
that i
am so tired
of rebuilding

just be more than your body.
more than blood that runs in currents
and arms and fists and teeth
that cut through midnight predators.
because when they steal your body;
it isnt so bad.

the clouds they hung
tightly against my heart
a rainstorm of goodbyes

Your soft touch curls around my bones,
my blood thrumming in time
to the pitches of your voice.
Like gentle fluttering wings,
my eyelashes caress thy cheek,
creating a vibe of harmony.
The candle light casts our
shadows against the wall,
the silhouettes shuddering
with the framework of an embrace-
Shattering the outside world
Together we'll hang in this moment,
Our fingers remaining
entwined-
Tearing them apart would be
dubbed a crime.

Jake
I loved you
you were my first;
for everything.
I loved you blindly;
obsessively
and it wasn't healthy
like how a moth is drawn to light
their fated demise
i came too close
so i perished into ash

William
you were
the "good guy'
charming with that smile
and doleful eyes
you had everyone bowing at your feet;
everyone but me
i wanted to give you a shot;
really i did
but that was a time when i was
so far lost
like in the midst of a forest
the gas in my car
depleted
i know i hurt you
i knew i couldn't feel all along;
but you were just another
boy
who wanted a place to rest his *****.

Joey
I held a flame for you through the
days of chopped hair
and child-like physique
you only paid attention
when i had grown
into what i was meant to be
i had fun with you-
a summer fling
but when the leaves began to change;
just like them
my feelings blew away

Bradley
what's the point
you were a pompous ***
and I was an equation
you couldn't compute

But Alex
yes Alex
you are the gentle hands that carry
me through the moments
through the seasons
through the changes
your sweet demeanor and faith
never wavering
every morning i hear your songs
and i've forgotten about all the ones
who didn't make it.

smoking a cigarette
orange
yellow light beckons me
from a treetop in winter
and the pines fill my nostrils
with an African presence
the sunburn
molten and bubbling.
finding something
smoldering
in this gray
landscape,
was like when the blue heart of
haley's comet ripped down
and stole your
presence
from the sky

i fell in love with a succubus
years ago
and he still
haunts my dreams
and every morning
i feel a little more
lifeless

eyes bloodshot
awakening even in dreams
the dead may rest
but never the living

there are no words
for long strangled hair
cascading down a naked spine
all pale and freckled.
only soft murmurs spoken between two hearts
and imploring eyes that delve down to the core
of our bare vulnerable insides.
bodies move like the wings of birds
coming together
coming apart
a story written in honey
to be burned onto tongues
dissipating in the pure
ecstasy of moments
snuggled in between shoulders
resting side by side
and that long contented sigh
when it's over
that stretches a blanket
over the room
holding me
and you

I want to know you
through rainstorms
and starvation
See you with eyes strained
and drained
of sleep
To feel you
with senses
that have yet to awaken
I want you to see
my reflection
and reach through
the glass.

and you taught me heartache


a lesson i was bound to learn
you so aptly delivered the lecture;
that i could never be the same

i refrain from sharp objects
because i remember the pain
SHARP THINGS 101
came after your class of
DEPLETED LOVE

what they never tell you
in school
is how scars look
when they've faded
in the right light
it glows under translucent skin
a test i excelled in.

jump back
bruised eyelids
blooming purple flowers underneath pale
skin
bare skin
veins scratching towards
the surface
clawing
and clawing
to get out,
to bleed
just slice the razor
beneath your thigh
let the blood lie
let it lie

the forest
is a chorus of mystical *******
an ancient magic
pulsating with
the wisdom of being
deeply rooted.
gray and green and blue
melding into
the only home
i can really ever
go to.

he liked how she wore rain boots in the summer
and wished to build her home in the marshes
where she could sing with the toads
and play a cattail harp, reed symphony.
she kept a journal
she would draw rain clouds
and snow,
he'd watch her fingers loop around the pencil,
brow wrinkled with concentrated focus.
i guess he loved her.
as much as anybody could.
loved the bottlecap eyes
and wide mouth full of crooked teeth,
cause when she smiled
his heart went crooked too
and she was the type of girl
who he could visit museums with
and they'd both stare at
the same painting
and think something quite
different.

a norwegian summer
frothy bangs falling over soulless eyes
windows empty of rolling country scenes
and the smoke stacks billow over
my heart in a blue smudge.
if i could love again, maybe it would be you
but my insides are a midnight sky
absent of stars, a total lunar eclipse.
i remember his tongue
delivering ****** lashings
to my psyche
and the curtains hang with a depressed posture
transporting me back to his heavy room
he liked to chase the light out,
and open my body apart
my head reeks of bathtubs, swollen wrists,
throbbing words of hate.
i'll wrap these things up,
shoving them down into my shoes
when i'm with you.
but you're holding hands with
a skeleton
and i don't think
these bones will
cease their aching.

shadow heart
shadow skin
i flit between this life
and that.
invisibility finds it's way to me
to kidnap my confidence
what was that?
oh,
only my voice
lost
to the wind.

silence leaks like light into a camera
filtering obscure blobs
that take shape
take meaning
take life.
we still the hollow breaths
that tunnel through our black lungs
wanting to hold a white hot
star in our palms
and **** the vibrancy down
inside of us.
its true that emptiness
rests like lions in cages
between our esophagus and stomach-
but its how you choose
to come into your being-
it is what defines
the map and constellations
of our souls.

he painted the way he saw things
and he saw her lips;
deep red rubies.
he feathered the paint on his brush lightly
so as to capture the gentleness
of her clairvoyant voice
that snakes out from between those ruby lips
parted in pleasure-
pleasure from the twinkling stars
and the distorted reality
she's encased herself in;
never to understand why he
depicts her portrait
in a style
so abstract.

wait for me

ive gone away

to some unknown place

purple night dims dark
for me

have i lost my humanity?

"here, take this pill," you say
"it'll make you better"

but pills get lodged in my
throat
tonsils swollen

i choke i choke
on
purple nights

wait for me
thats all i ask

so we can go together
down unlit paths

skin cells tainted by your
touch of rust
your plague
a gaping wound
bleeding out
within my throat
a gasp
a silence
.
i wake up.
you are gone
and my flesh is pink
clean

severed hands
that used to clasp
turned to ash
blown away on hot air
eyes pooling upon the horizon
//                  
this is the world
when a heart weeps.

I am winter.
You are Spring.
And you melt me.

purple arms still roaming
the cracking streets
unscented
vomiting
the next heartbreak
into your porcelain sink
rinsing the probability
of understanding humanity
down the sewage system
filtering
commercialized affection

The excuses on your lips
make me wish
your tongue was a dull dead thing.

The teeth chatter
like insect wings
scraping my ears
burning my cheeks.

Empty like my stomach,
my mind whirls
why do we care
so much
about the ones
stuck too deep
in this world that's
******?

As if through some
amazing feat
we could change the way
they breathe.

No,
go home,
be lost to sleep
because your efforts
are sad
and unfailingly weak.

i get this feeling
like when you see a senior citizen eating alone
knowing that they've lost the ones they loved
knowing one day we will too.
the youth that thinks we cannot die
that for some reason life is only
immortal for us.
i'm sure that old man thought the same.
and here he is wrinkled
with empty chairs
for company.

thought i had a shot
in this wide wide place

all the arms closed around me
suffocating
not embracing

the needles slide precariously  
through my skin

never again
never again

the room is shrouded in blue
and your beautiful
naked
form
glides over to the window,
a cigarette
between two
fingers.
moonlight
drips from you
in delicate
silver pearls
and the cigarette glows orange
reminding me of nights in the city.
i watch you with pale eyes,
sleek with skin like honey.
i want to crawl inside the glowing
embers of the tobacco
so that this
heat will
flicker and burn
long after
we are
gone.

Flowing skirts that brush my ankles.
Dancing while the golden rings jingle.
Gypsy summer.
Gypsy night.

Smell the smoke while it licks at your skin,
Drink me in.
Passion ensues in this little caravan.
I crave your scarred hands,
Exploring my waist.
The fragments of my neck,
Chase the wine with sweet shots of my lips.



Opening my wounds to you,
Let the blood trickle down until it baths us in it's dying life.
Stuck together, emblazoned with this new sacrifice.
Tonight,
Is our night.
And on, we shall fight.

i think theres a garden somewhere
and it's untouched
and everything just grows and blooms
in the sunlight.
life flourishes in every crack of stone,
every shadowed corner,
and i think that
i would like
to go there.

when i whisper your name
to the darkness in my room
can you hear it?
can you hear my voice coming through?

will you ever know
the way my garden grows
how i tend it with thoughts of you?
here i'll plant your smiles
and the golden flecks in your eyes
and over there i'll water with care
the seeds you've given me of your love.

And when winter comes
to blunder my harvests
i'll slip off my skin
and lay it across the precious parts of you,
so i'll keep you safe
i'll keep you warm
even if it means
that i will be cold
and unarmed.

That's what I'll do,
although I can't tell you how,
just know when the time comes
you will have no doubts
of the silent love
i cultivate for you.

when i bled in the sheets
your scream wounded my ear
like shell shock
in WorldWarI trenches
we forgot our helmets that day
our skin blew to bits
and blanketed the tree branches
hanging limp
like ripped-off doll
hands.

Right there
In the spot between my legs,
fuzzy with peach hair,
it aches
it sears with a burn


how do they think its beautiful?
Because honestly
it just ******* hurts.

she rode softly softly
on the white sands making love with the crickets in the long
summer grasses with sweet toad songs
love spilled vehemently out of you
a torrent of cupid bows and holiday smiles
i caught your wrists like floating seeds coming to pollinate
the fields with their red glossy lips.
i'll steal a kiss
i'll catch a kiss
from spring wading through the bubbling brooks,
a long gown flowing behind her, her hair water falling beyond
the mist.

and the morning was dripping
landing in fragments
not quite a quiet hurricane.
she was more mist than anything
and nostalgia has you in its grip,
running its soft lullabies across your neck
the goosebumps telling a story no one ever
knew.
now you hang open in your past
and your skin becomes the rain streaked
window pane
soaking through
the living room curtains.

cloudy blankets give warmth
when the outside world
screams
and rain falls like
domestic violence
and inside it's all
tea and blueberry
muffins baking
slowly
likethelove
in my guts.
i was confused that it wasn't a burst;
something violent
like the stomach flu
(that made me think
it wasn't really you
who i should count the
seconds with)
but you've patted soil
around my ankles
and i'm growing in your shade
blooming love
that has roots
instead of
momentary
drunkenness