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C J Baxter May 2015
It’s a celebration!
Balloons drift in the sky
with the quiet murmur
of a doctors wait room.  
Bent necks and fixed staring
eyes follow them faithfully.
It’s a celebration!
The skies completely cluttered.
It’s a celebration!

The over-kept yellow grass
itches my nose with change;
A new beginning? An end?
Or just an idea that'll deflate?
Without the skies distraction
We're free to tend our gardens,
To celebrate worldly wins,
and love our languishing mother.
"Here's to you Mother! ":

The last words the sky did mutter.
C J Baxter May 2015
Fall, spinning into it;
the old dream wakes
the new memory
and the open eye
fools the open mind.
Sense is re-arranged;
sordid shapes penetrate,
and distort the backdrop.
Then the ringing black.
Followed by thunder and light.  

Then he opens his eyes
May 2015 · 438
That's not Wisdom
C J Baxter May 2015
Be mindful, but don’t fixate
Be outspoken, but diffident.
Be a teacher, but don’t berate
Be yourself, but don’t be different.  

You’re free to talk till your tongue ties,
If you don’t mind the clamour of shushes.
May 2015 · 353
Danger: Knowledge is Powder
C J Baxter May 2015
Knowledge is powder running through fingers.
Knowledge is crushed by a card on the table.
Knowledge is stuck in your nose and it lingers;
each sting brings regret, and makes a mind unstable.
“ A little learning is dangerous thing”;  
A little smoke to make a fool feel able
to lick the dust up with the devil and sing:
“ Theres dust on the graves and ashes on the cradles"

Don’t mistake this feeling for true wisdom.
Don’t get caught lost in it’s smokey shroud;
for each thought is fleeting and their relevance is seldom.
Like this drab, mess of language said out loud.  
It’s a sober reflection, a warning to myself,
to tell the truth, and to think thorough and proud.
To shame the devil, not blame him for my health.  
To lift that heavy head that was bent over bowed,

And crack it open on the edge of that table.

Like and hour glass smashed and spilling,
this kind of learning seems a waste of time.  
But I can see the filth that had been filling
my head,  scattered out across each rhyme.
May 2015 · 704
A High & Hollow Hope
C J Baxter May 2015
"Hope's a balloon, hope's a balloon.
Pop it ya bastart's and let it fall soon.
To wait is to worry where it will land,
so put the power in that old right hand,
and pop it before the rise of the moon. "

As I watched the cluttered sky above me, moving with the murmur of a waiting room, I couldn't help but feel sorry for those quiet little hopes; Everyone walks around with their neck bent, staring at the sky unable to see the stars, and only able to feel the moon. And they never stop to look around either.  Seems a wee bit sad t'me.
May 2015 · 510
Hanging On
C J Baxter May 2015
A young woman caked in makeup
hangs from a tree caked in concrete;
She’s alive and well, smiling gleefully.
But the tree doesn’t look so good.
May 2015 · 585
Kill The Alarmist
C J Baxter May 2015
I’m a  twentieth century baby,
  and a twenty first century man;
  Preceded by the definite maybe’s
  of a fickle generations attention span:

"**** the alarmist. Dissect the murderer.  
Round up the lost lot. Ground the ponderer.
For we are the witless wanderers”

We are born out of confusion and into anxiety,  
we swallow up old decades for a pastime;
they're digestible bytes to the digital society,
and their ideals oft’ so easy to mime.  

But we’re witless in our meter-less rhyme.
C J Baxter May 2015
"Lay down upon a couch of your comfort,
and come walking down the stairs;
Come falling, sleeping, through the sunburst
sky, as your feet find themselves without cares.
Lay that little soul out bare, stripped of sense,
and under the scrutiny of my stare.  
Let me see why the now makes your past tense.
And why your head holds your stomach in suspense. “
Apr 2015 · 754
The Chatterbox
C J Baxter Apr 2015
If I open it it will come spilling
tripping me choking me suffocating
this already breathless existence
that pours fear to dilute sense and
strengthen apprehension yes that
very one I gulp down each day
throwing it back up just to feast
on it once again in the endless
cycle of ****** torment that grows
swollen and engulfs my everyday
every hour every minute madness
where every second turning sickly and
cramming itself down my throat till the
clock breaks or I do usually me.
Apr 2015 · 293
Not again...
C J Baxter Apr 2015
I had found myself lost.
Wandering in circles
and mumbling madly to himself.  
So I took him back home,
bathed him, and tucked him in for the night.
C J Baxter Apr 2015
A crawling blue veined nightmare
drags itself through the hole in my head;
drooling, *******, and vomiting.
It's nails dig deep, and peirce through my mind
like the screech of'a rusting train,
grinding itself to a halt that never comes.  
I can taste his filth upon my own tongue,
as the air of regret starts to fill these lungs.

Nested, now, behind my ever open eyes,
he and his filth pile up and clutter my sight.
I blink and I turn blind,  
as sleep wakes him into white and a blinding light.
Apr 2015 · 279
Never Know
C J Baxter Apr 2015
I am forever understanding
that I will often fail to do so;
more and more I learn
what I will never truly know.
Apr 2015 · 255
Untitled
C J Baxter Apr 2015
" For me, it makes sense to write nonsense"
C J Baxter Apr 2015
'The mind's just a sky. The mind's just a sky.
Life's just the lie that we live til' we die.
Hell is in my head, but heaven's there too.
I quite like them both; so should each of you!  
The mind's just a sky. The mind's just a sky.
We will float and fall through it, learning to fly.
You can’t loose the sky, or be out of it
(and If you can you should be proud of it).
Oh to walk in the heavens oh so high and out of it. "

He crashed as he landed, and banged’s hollow head;
it shattered like glass and began spilling
out thoughts onto the carpets itching thread.
His ego bruised as theres savagely fed
on the headless body that was left- filling
themselves full with the foolish words he’d said.
They are the foulest of the foolish,
                                                        the cruelest kind.
Ego's without heart, brains without mind;     W

Backs
           without                                                       A
                       spines,
                                    teeth
                            without                             ­          L
                      bite,
             actors
without lines. Down the stairs they climb.        L
To the top of the bottom, only to find
that the endless sky, is the very thing that confines
  
                                      US
                                     ALL.

The mind's just a sky: another endless wall.
Apr 2015 · 411
Tip The Scales
C J Baxter Apr 2015
" And I’ll profit all the while”

Justice sits, counting white rock on her scales.
Judging the minds of a wasted generation.
“ Throw the addicts in a suffocating jail.
Film them, to scare others across the nations."
Watch their eyes spin spirals, biting on their nails;
Watch cruelty triumph, as innocence fails.
Watch a world being beaten, as order prevails.  
Let us feast and sniff our own damnation.
Apr 2015 · 796
I Declare A Thumb War
Apr 2015 · 668
Bleed The Romantic
C J Baxter Apr 2015
We sit, screaming secrets that speed through the highways;and from our finger tips we cry out our hearts. We Spill'm across those highways, till languished love arrives at our recipients doors.  They sit and reply in kind. It’s a whole lot of blood, for such little time.

We’d sent each other fifty messages in five minutes, and, although my heart was typing for me, I felt that every word was worthless. Just like each one of these: I want to talk in ink. I want to wield a pen that men will fear, respect and pay heed to. But, here these words appear from buttons bashed by boredoms fingers; the madness of mind renegade.

I guess the thought doesn't count anymore.
Apr 2015 · 444
I Stole The Clocks Time
C J Baxter Apr 2015
He reappeared(that clock headed old man),
With a smile that warmed my heart glad.
"There's only one difference between
a madman and me. I am not mad. "
I chuckled then said" prove it if you can" .  

He  vanished a step later, in a cloud;

Proving himself, and proving me the mad one.
He is the shores, I'm just a visitor.
He splits beneath me now:
The sky calls out to the sinister:
“ Give me your head( a sincere solemn vow).

The sky changed from blue to green.
I repeated his words, with nothing to add:
"There is only one difference between
a madman and me. The madman thinks he is sane.
I know I am mad."
C J Baxter Apr 2015
I found her again;  she was weeping snow
into the gaping mouth below.
Our very fabric was weeping too.
From the top of it's tooth I sat there drawing.
Then:
I awoke with my pen ( what manic scrawling).
C J Baxter Apr 2015
The moon warns me with a stern and cold stare,
" Don't go talking to her rivers anymore".
But the stars form her body, then strip bare.
Sweet science weeps, as the universe unfolds,
and wee wash up on consciouses shore.  

The angel lays with her wings tied to the ground,
laughing with a lustful and lingering gaze.
"You can twist me, or keep me here bound.
I'm just a shadow that you chase around.
Come spiral with me in consciouses plays."

We fell through the clock as time shattered.
I caught a minute to catch her.
                      Then
the minutes caught me.
Now I'm captured, asleep, and adrift at sea.

She is part mountain, part skyline and sea.
Not all will see here. But she shines clear for me.
Mar 2015 · 370
The Sleepy Crash
C J Baxter Mar 2015
The sky was on his side, lay’n with his eyes closed.  
So I lay down a little while longer.
She spoke, then vanished, then laughed and posed,
as shifts under foot were getting stronger.

Then he walked in with a clock on his head,
and a parade of actors I could’t place
to a role. Some, by now, were surely dead.
Then the skin came loose from everyones face.

She was back in my arms a moment later,
with a smile that shattered like glass.
Then the crash:
                        There
                     we        lay,
broken
in our euphoria.

I tried to stay there, but there’s always changing here.
Mar 2015 · 446
Feast On Yer Beasts
C J Baxter Mar 2015
I took my devils out,
And I broke their hearts.
I took them out dinner
just to watch the starve.

I laid upon that table:
Angst, ego and every blue.
Saliva ran like it was fatal;
they thought the feast would soon ensue.

" Heres my head", I calmly said.
" My heart's yours as well".
Then on each I calmly fed,
as they spun back down to hell.

" Feast on Your Beasts"
C J Baxter Mar 2015
Angst paces around the room gibbering to himself, and scratching the hair off his head. “ I need, I need to find it. Ally’s key… Aye, just the mad hing to lock it”. The door’s been left open for weeks, and the filth has been pouring in relentlessly: “ My Boyfriend was average till he discovered these miracle pills”, “ Icelandic Brides”, “ Think Rich. Be Rich”, “ Wonga: YOU pay when YOU can”, “. It’s all piled up and yet scattered throughout this already cluttered space; mixing in with the mess of the severed heads and rolling eyes. Angst paces through the filth, eating some every other hour. But he carries on searching for the key  ( or the wee hing) he needs to shut all this out and think.

He lights a cigarette from one of the candles on the long table(12 chairs accompany the piece, but there is only one, as there is only need for one just now) and passes the rest of the day watching the smoke swivel into a thumbs up icon or a question mark in a thought bubble( or anything else blue and white). All the while sifting through the filth  for that wee hing’; stopping every hour or so to feed on it.
Little odd, but making sense don't make sense sometimes
Mar 2015 · 378
Sanity's Soliloquy
C J Baxter Mar 2015
These hollow voices haunt my head space.
Following me room to room, place to place,
thought to thought till I wear them on my face.
I'll take down the mirrors, I'll paint windows
black. I can't see them dressed in my clothes.
"Snap back. Snap back. It is me, young sanity."
We've walked this walk before. It's harmless.
Let us wonder off now. We can return to calmness
once we've stepped past our farthest darkness.
What we find in this mind, you and I will share.
Lets take one together, and of each other take care.
"Snap back. Snap back. It is me, young sanity."
You're too late. You're too late. You're too late to see
the voices that are walking all over you and me,
Through and throughout, shouting " This life is free".
You can't come walking with us.  You'll get lost.
And I'm afraid I am not willing to pay that cost.
"Snap back. Snap back. It is me, young sanity."
The ground snaps, and they all fade as they fall.
For no windows or mirrors can ramble on and on like a wall.
Follow up to " Walls Soaked In Wine"
Mar 2015 · 572
Kill This Ego
C J Baxter Mar 2015
The shortest of fall,
                          from the highest of grace.
Then off we crawl
                             back to our rightful place
                    in the middle.
                            

Count
          each
                   step  
                           on
                               your
                                     way
                                             down.
                                                      
                                             Pass
                                      your
                               ego
                       and
                  the
         clown
That you used to dress up as on nights out.

A single shot through both of their heads.

    The ego, the ego, the ego is dead.
Mar 2015 · 362
A Sleeping Pill
C J Baxter Mar 2015
The sleeping pill awoke,
     walked up the stairs
     and down my throat.
     From my stomach it spoke:

    " Sleep's the lie that wakes you.
   The Lord can & will soon take you. "
C J Baxter Mar 2015
I don't mind hearing voices from time to time, for they keep me company in lonely hours. They never say anything harsh, hate filled or humiliating, they just chatter on while I sit here in silence watching the paint dry- thats not a metaphor or anything, I literally did paint the walls red this morning. I don't think I've don a very good job though, because I see little devils in the sloppy brushwork; They do hurt, throw hate and humiliate me.

I really need to put on a second coat, but I'm tired and the voices aren't telling me to move yet. I'll wait for their command, or for the devils to walk up and off the wall. Oh boy, then I'll have some real company. A crowd some would say.
Mar 2015 · 255
Reality IN Actuality
C J Baxter Mar 2015
It's all there
                                   Nothing.
Every last bit of it.

Yet we see
                                   Everything.

My Reality
                                  Everything

Your Reality
                                  Everything.

It's blue to me, It's blue to you.
But is it blue to me as it is to you?

You are here
                                I am here.

Sitting On A Separate Seats In A Shared Plane.

I am here

                              You are here.  

With Everything and Nothing. But Each Other
Mar 2015 · 1.1k
Pitter Patter
C J Baxter Mar 2015
Am A Pitter Patter *** Head,
A Jibber Jabber, Purebred, Med Head.
A Drop Dead Disgraceful, Well Read Ned
With A Bed Head.  
                               Behead The British Boredom,
Vanquish The Evil Before It Tells Them Who Told'em.  
Simon Says, Simon takes, Cause It Was Simon Who Sold'em

The Fear, That Fear,  This Fear That Holds'em.
Feb 2015 · 1.1k
Fear Of The Beard
C J Baxter Feb 2015
There was a young boy who feared that his beard would never grow long and wise, like that of his old mans and his old mans. He could see the hair on the upper lips and chins of his school pals beginning to form, and so he would walk around with his own chin pointing toward the sun, hoping that something in its warm rays would spurt the growth of his first wee whisker. But nothing. From then on every time he got his haircut he would ask the barber not to sweep up all of his hair, so that he could take some of it home; His Mother often shook her head at this, having no idea what purpose it was for, and instead sighed with a " Yer some boy Jack”. Each time he brought home more hair, he would weave it together with the rest of his old curly locks.  You see, although he had a smooth wee baby face, he had the most stunningly dark and wild curls.

Jack turned 18, and into something like a man, but still there wasn't single whisker on his chin or upon his top lip.  He had grown tall and strong, a man by almost every physical determinant, and this only frustrated him more.  He was teased by the other guys in his work, they would all call him        " Talcom Powder", or " Big Baby Baw Face"  - Not the most intelligent bunch- and Jack would laugh along, while cursing his God inside himself.  Still, every Hair cut and **** trimming, Jack got or gave would be weaved together with every haircut he had since he was 12- he had almost two foot of dark curly strands now, as intricately woven as silk.  Sometimes he would put it on, and talk to himself in the mirror.  

However, like all dark things that are hidden, when they come to light things rarely carry on carrying on. One day Jacks Mother walked in on him doing his best ZZ top impersonation and caught one glimpse of his wooly masterpiece, and it blew the top of her head clean off. “ You filthy boy! What have you done… Oh god, is that why you? It better, all of it, be yours…”.  she rambled while pacing in circles, unable to look at her son and his two foot clip on beard.  “ Mum” said Jack, “ I know this is a shock, but I just want to have a beard, everyone else has one: All my pals at work, all those model guys, all those guys with gorgeous girls, All those guys with creative jobs”. “ They are all ****”, she barked in reply, “ Why would any son of mine want to be like any of those low life cretins?”.  Jack was taken a back by just how upset his mum really was by his masterpiece, and shyly asked “ What about Dads? And Granddads? Theirs are the biggest beards I’ve ever seen, and I’m a ZZ top fan”, “ Thats different”, she said, “ Theirs are REAL working mens beards”.

Weeks went on with Jack and his Mother avoiding each others gaze; the only time they ever spoke was when they were arguing about the beard. Eventually it all got too much for everyone, the house had became inhospitable and Jack finally said the words he’d come to regret, “ If the beard goes, I go”. With cold hands, his Mother packed his bags and began cooking the last meal Jack would enjoy in that house; He and his Mother sat there in silence, while the food cooled on the table, waiting on his Father and Grandfather to return home from their labours. Jack shifted with every second ticking by on the clock above his head, still refusing to look at his Mother. Then he heard the gate swinging open, a few shifts later, the keys turning in the locks, then the door flew open, and Jacks mouth did too; For as he looked to see his Father and Grandfather coming through the frame of the door, they looked hard worked and clean shaven ( Well a bit of Five O'clock shadow).I t was the first time he’d ever seen the chins of the most important men in his life.

  After an excruciating feast of eye contact avoidance and the swallowing of feelings, Jack hugged his Mother Goodbye, Shook his Granddads hand and was walked outside of the house by his Father who said he had a few things he wanted to say man to man; This shook Jack inside himself a little; unsure of whether to feel like a toddler on a naughty step or a man about to share his first whiskey with his old man, he nodded and followed behind his Father out the door. As soon as  he’d closed the door behind him, his Father said “ Listen here boy. I know you just wanted to make me and your mum proud, I was the same as you when I was your age, always wanting to be older. Trust me that changes quickly.  But if there’s one thing I can tell you, its this”, his Dad paused and sighed in a soft way, “ You don’t need to go around faking it. If you leave this house and start wearing the beard day after day, you’ll find it gets boring fast. Trust me… Just enjoy yourself and try and remember who and what you are”. Jack nodded to his Father, and hugged him for the first time in his teenage life.

As Jack walked down the garden path, he got to the gate when he heard his Father saying,            “ Remember! No beard *******” just before closing the door.  But like all good sons and bad sons alike, within a two minutes of a walking out of his family hom Jack had ignored his Fathers advice, and rummaged through his bag to put on his masterpiece proudly.

His beard never did grow, and now his masterpiece is so long his feet often trip over it.  Ahh well, ‘Live and refuse to learn’.


The End
Feb 2015 · 411
Now That The Quiet Talks
C J Baxter Feb 2015
Now that the quiet talks, everything else shuts the **** up. He lines them up against the wall, from the short to the tall, and to each barks a question, “ Right! unless you want cut up like the ******* tension, you better listen here. I don’t mind letting you’s make your noise, as long as you do it with care. It needs to mean something. If you’s clutter this beautiful place with incessant moaning and ******* techno 24/7, then I’m going be sticking the ******* boot in some *****”. Heads stay bowed in the line. No words. No Spines. And the quiet starts gutting himself laughing.

Now that the quiet laughs, the room’s confusion grows; smiles appear on some faces, nervously trying to gage the situation.  The shortest man stands as tall as he can, clears his throat and politely asks “ Are you *******, or were we actually annoying you with our noise?”. “ Did I say you could say you could open that ******* pathetic we gob”, he barks back, and then begins gutting himself once again. “ Ahaha, naw mate, don’t worry yersel’, I’m only winding ye’s up”.  Then he walks out the room, promising he’ll be back in a bit, with a chuckle.
Feb 2015 · 307
Oh Such A Thief
C J Baxter Feb 2015
He Who Controls Has No Control Over The Matter;
He Can Control Or Be Controlled.
Eventually The Latter.
Control He Who Has No Control-
He Has No Control Over The Matter.
He Can Be Controlled Or In Control-
Never The Latter.  

SHe Who Controls Has No Control Over The Matter;
SHe Can Control Or Be Controlled.
Eventually The Latter.
Control SHe Who Has No Control-
SHe Has No Control Over The Matter.
SHe Can Be Controlled Or In Control-
Never The Latter.
Feb 2015 · 396
From, and for, Khaos
C J Baxter Feb 2015
Another broken bottom of a bottle
to slip through, cutting myself as I do.
It takes a lot of effort, full throttle
I kick and squeeze myself down the neck,
just to plummet to the bottom and through,
again and again until my body is wreck.

I am the wrecks of the sea & the blood of the land.
I am the bottomless bottom & the outstretched hand.  

And this- this drenched, drab mess of language -
is the product of my mind and a waste of your time.

What it is is this, and only this it truly is:  

Nothing again, that's the start and that is the end.
Feb 2015 · 417
Walls Soaked In Wine
C J Baxter Feb 2015
“ Give me it all” said the old blurring wall,
as I struggled to think why not.
We seem to have ****** it again lads, call
another hour off and push on till it’s had.
“ Have it.” “Have wit.” “ Have it.” said the wall.
His voice couldn’t be mine, yet it was too close to call,
So I called out and asked for his name;
“ Its me” “ Its you”, we’re the all in wall.  

“ We’re the all in wall,
  We’re all in the wall,
  We’re the in, all wall
  In the wall, we’re in
  The wall we’re all in,
  The wall we’re in, all
  The we’re all in wall.”

Then I really hit the wall,
First with my hands, then my head.
So I decided that it was time,
and willed the couch into a bed.  
"Ahh sleep, carry me off,
I would like to rest before Aurora calls."
“ I could chatter till you fall asleep”,
                   said the old crackling walls.    

Gone, he goes, going mad.
“ I’m not going mad, Ive been there and back.
  I don’t want to go. I don’t have what I had.”
Gone, he goes, going mad.
“ Well maybe I’ll run. Then I won’t be going anywhere”.
Off he goes, gone, going mad.  

He runs through the old wall, from the bad to the bad.
C J Baxter Feb 2015
Theres a man who walks around with a hole in his head( right through); You can see whats in front from behind him and whats behind him from in front. Sometimes I follow him so I can see whats up ahead. Funny thing is, he never turns to look as if he's being followed; I always turn and look, more often than not no ones there, but when there is someone there I can feel them, their stare burning into the back of my napper, he just carries on blissful.
One time I tapped his shoulder then darted ahead, that was the first time I'd had a look at what was behind. I stared right down the middle and right on through to the young school girl skipping behind him, then I quickly paced off to avoid arousing suspicion that I was in any way mocking his condition. Anyway, he caught up with me and passed me with a " How'd you do, young man?, to which I nodded nervously, then followed him further through the city.
We reached kelvin bridge, where he stopped about six feet ahead of me and sighed full heartedly, I almost felt the wind come out of him. He turned to me and winked, and then began laughing like a manic would prey, " Ohh ** ** **. Ohh you don't see it! Neither do I?" he either asked our told me, " but it's all ******* there, every last ******* bit: The ******'s carpet, the first time mothers first *** after quitting, the wheeler's turning, the dealers loot, its all ******* there, and its all us that see it". I looked over to see the soft crashes of the river below, the whispering breath of the wind shifting the old tree's around the banks, and thought " What the **** are you talking about?"
Jan 2015 · 1.2k
Preamble: The Noble Savage
C J Baxter Jan 2015
The noblest, normal little chap
had eyes of the dawns red rise,
and beliefs like bubble wrap that
would pop to his surprise.  

Cloaked in the mornings mist
he'd speak of the night like it was never to come.
He'd take the hours just to twist them
and hold them under his thumb.

Sucha noble savage, sucha champ!
Such an intriguing little creature.  
Some call him foul, Others a *****,
but to me he is my treasured teacher.

He runs soil through his scarred hands
and talks of the life that he holds.
" This here is my love, my little land,
it can crumble but it never ever folds"
C J Baxter Jan 2015
The rush of the first time- just an echo now.
The lush grass withered, dried and caught alight.
As the flames grew we stood round and made a vow;
" Never again shall we do the morning like its night".
Show me clear skies, truth and the only way how.  
I've stood and watched my home burn for spite,
greed and no good deed could ever undo.
Show me clear skies where the sun shines through true.
              The last time's like the first but it quickly turns
to the second, third, fourth, fifth ungodly time.
And once again we're stood hear with burns
as our stomach churns and shatters our spine.
I have no heart to stop myself from stopping
the start of my own bodies natural rotting.
Jan 2015 · 313
Untitled
C J Baxter Jan 2015
Im a moulded mind,
shaped from junk mail and scam sites.
I’m a point that I can’t seem to find.
Caught between it and an apology,
caught between my natural state and drawn rights.
my poetry doesn’t fit in a ******* box.
Natural flows of emotion. Wankers posting
their unique feelings. Just like everyone else.

Guess what?
I do too. so ******* sue. Then buy yersel a ******* clue.
Jan 2015 · 340
Raaaaaaambler
C J Baxter Jan 2015
I thought that you thought that we think the same way.
So I’m thinking, if your thinking is the kind that can sway
to one side, then I’ll go to the other so that we can play.  

Recycled heads atop our thinning frames.
Recycling thoughts of the greats,
but don’t worry-noone remembers their names.
So we’ll shout till we wake them
and then we’ll pass on the blame.
Some will choose to swallow, others
spit when you try and force feed them their fame.

I think that you think that I’ve really overthought this.

I BELIEVE THAT YOU BELIEVE THAT I BELIEVE THAT WE BELIEVE

IN NOTHING
Jan 2015 · 308
Sonnet For The Smokey Minds
C J Baxter Jan 2015
"Today my heads a little cloudy.
I don’t think it will rain though. "

A fog rolls in over my mind in the morning,
and I get lost when I think of anything but nothing.
The cities sharp shouts disrupt me, cutting
through my head as they call out their warning.
The clouds in this conscience turn angry, start storming
as all hell falls from them and the river starts flooding.
The ground shakes, quakes panic me with their thudding.
But at the back of my mind and idea is quietly forming.  
    It bursts through the clouds with sun by it’s side
like fist love beats through a young mans chest.
It fills every darkened corner with a passion that won’t rest.
It conceives hope, and like our mother nurtures pride.
And as the fog lifts my mind is free to quietly wander
through the landscape of our her- to reflect and to quietly ponder.
C J Baxter Jan 2015
Such crude and foul filth fills the minds of us,
all of us, no pure, sweet angels exist.
Beneath the surface- all that we ever discuss-
and amidst the house shrouded in mist
Is where thoughts leak out like a cuts soaking pus,
Where wrong bends to right and wrongly persists,
Where woman are stripped and men are whipped,
Where colours are scratched off and blood runs from fists,
Where truth is only true until someone twists
it like a noose for a neck for their unassuming victim.

This is what we live in- A house with a thousand ceilings.
This is why some give in- Above them another man is kneeling.

And when their old ceiling becomes their floor,
they pour pennies down through the cracks
and laugh at those scrambling down below.  
They watch them feel the walls for a door,
making smug remarks at the class each lacks:
“ Not a single painting or books in a row.
How on earth can they expect their riches to grow”.
But its not about how you know it, you know.
It’s not about having any fine things to show.
It’s natural persistence- the breeze and the rivers flow.

To climb the construction in which you have been confined,
is to fall for a foolish notion- a Fugazi another man designed.

I was born in it’s basement, among crowds
and foul, rotten breath. Flesh was scratched
from our backs as we were standing bowed,
they left some shoulders with their heads detached.
But I never fought to the top or leaped,
Never fought back in any fight I was matched.
I crawled, sickly on the splitting wood floor,
in search of what lay behind an old closed door.  
It took a lifetime time for me to find,  
but it lay there wide open with sky falling behind.

Our Mothers beauty lay within our Fathers patient arms,
and I ran to greet them while the house sounded it’s alarms.

His hands did not shake, her sea’s didn't boil.
But that old building now lays deep beneath their soil.
Jan 2015 · 299
A Man Brings Flowers
C J Baxter Jan 2015
Here stands the ghost of a hopeless man;
he’s got scratches on his neck and blood on his hands,
and eyes that cry ten different commands.
He says "as the rose grows it causes problems with romance”,
and yet he stands before me with a bouquet in his hands,
and I say “ Why do you pick them apart?
                        He says “ because I can”.

Forget your love me’s and your love me nots,
I’ll leave you to rot. Remove your mind from it shop.
Im telling you stop.
Jan 2015 · 195
Untitled
C J Baxter Jan 2015
I need to get right the **** out of here now!
C J Baxter Dec 2014
Cut throats for comedy.
And cut close to the bone.
Speak and be honestly.
And be what you condone.  
But do not condemn those
for their differences.
Uniqueness is our reason.

"Judge not less thy be judged”  

1

Is it the pouring unfiltered thought
that runs through you, the vessel
of conscious, and down toward the devil?
Uncontaminated, but overlooked
still by he who has a stake in your play.
Or are you in the belief that its you
who filters,edits, and judges yourself?  
If either, I am neither, I am bottomless.  
I am lost among the crowd that is lost.
I pay a price to those who set the cost,
but I pay what I will.  
I pay to keep my head and my heart still.  
I carry books to look like I’m listening,
cover them in cheap glitter to look like they’re glistening.  

2

I apologise if my questions invade,
and more profusely for my blunt tongue.
I grew up housed were a ***** was a *****,
til' it cracked open my head and rung
my bells as loud as passing parade.  
So, again I apologise If I berate,
but that old ***** sent me chasing nightmares
and bedtime stories, deep under the earths layers.
I have no right to question you or him.
But I have the right to dig my land.
If I don't believe, can I sing each hymn?
When I’m scared can I outstretch my hand?  
I guess I’ll stand where I am and spin,
till his bellowing voice cries out each command.  












3

How I wish I could undress it to the bone,
but the implications of the littlest thing
send me drifting through cold spaces alone.
The smell of nothingness, the feel of everything-
each is an equally long and tiring list.  
I hold dear two things: An open palm. A clenched fist.
Each to aid and oppose the other,
Like our true father: Time. And earth our Mother.
Dec 2014 · 200
Untitled
C J Baxter Dec 2014
I drank in the red skied morning before trying to step onto the busy street. The moon was still in the sky, my head was in the stomach of last night, and my feet were feet from the ground. I couldn’t walk on the street, rather I just floated along without physical effort and instead just a little mental encouragement. Then I arrived all of a sudden at the banks of there river. She was laughing frantically at the birds for trying to swim and I kept saying the same thing twice. Then we fell in.

We swam for a while before it dried. The sun had eaten the moon out the sky.  But we felt happy, ye know, close and that. It was a nice feeling.
Dec 2014 · 724
Oh So Arrogant
C J Baxter Dec 2014
At the bottom of a barrel,
soaked into the old wood,
is where I'll lie till I'm understood.

Some think me to be crude,
others think my arrogance
is unjustified and just plain rude.

But here at the bottom,
I'll lie turning rotten, forgotten

Just like the Autumn, now that your hats have bobbles on them.
Dec 2014 · 393
The Thief & The Red River
C J Baxter Dec 2014
A red river runs with me- through the night
  and the heart of the city. “Burst the banks!”,
I yell but his movements stay slight.
Bobbing along, to the moon we give thanks,
for it’s filled their minds with the expectance of fright.
The wrong time bends its way toward the right.
Everything else bends too, to fill in the blanks.
  We’re starting to spill over. The flood comes tonight.  
The blood that I run with will stain your hands,
The river will coarse through young and old veins.
But nature doesn’t come calling out any demands,
She moves us-sweeping and cleaning up mans stains.  
Times hands are broken. Your guess is as good as mine.
Each horizon I’ve arrived at, they always move the line.  

I fell into the river from a childhood nightmare-
And sometimes I fall back home in the day.
But each place is the same- Scarily rare.
You can blame it on pixies or blame Gray-
Or any kind of thing that makes a young mind aware.
But I’ve laid my thoughts out and stripped them bare.
Pens cruel ******* of what I called real
taught me not to get caught when ever I steal.  
   I borrow thoughts that tie me in tight knots
as I try stitch them into a portrait of a woman.  
But they always twist into fantasies plots
just to burn out in the fires they were fuming.  
So hear I drift alone in a thick and red river,
Creeping with the wind and the moon as we shiver.  

At one point, a wholly spun world now ago,
were days when this river bread new life.
It worked mens hands to the bone to grow
family and cloth each beautiful wife.
Helped purpose find its way to the heart
of each voice that was silence by a no.
The river shares snippets of his life with me.
Speaks a a story that my eyes can see.  
    He told me his plans to wash away the old,
now that those in high places think they’re above-
He floods the ground as this story is told,  
Sweeping up lost voices and spirits in love.
The river has given us life, like so many before,
one day he will whisk us off to a warmer shore.  

There are thousands deep under his water,
and some who float just above his open lips.  
With the love like a fathers for his only daughter,
he lets us drink his life but only in sips.
For greed can so often father slaughter.
It created hate in nature when it caught ‘er.  
Tore her apart, one sin after another.
Then sent us cutting out hearts- brother from brother.  
          We surge through the cities old and cold veins,
collecting each drifter lost in a dark way.
With the eyes of the pretty, the logicals brains
and the patience of listeners, we sway
with his rhythms and with no need to pray.
We’ll sway till the morning of a red skied day.  

     “ When now was never we dreamt of forever,
   of days shivering madly down this old cities river”

Through the black night, we sang these words of hope.
Thought one day we’d wash up in our old city
and walk on its streets and it’d be able to cope.  
To see it from the bottom and marvel at its scope.
Not to just walk and think “Oh its Sucha' pity”.
Those days when concrete handed me rope
and pointed me out toward tree’s on the horizon
are over. The grounds now are on the risin’.  
           Like hell being filled to its level,
we drowned demons and free’d souls.
But only for a second could we revel,
for our buildings were built without holes.  
And those finely suited sit their grinning,
Our old structures seem to have saved them.

“ We drowned in the waters we were swimming,
But were the only ones who ever had braved them”
Dec 2014 · 362
Limbless In Limbo 2
C J Baxter Dec 2014
With sleep I fell and fell deeply too.
Into his withering meadows and among rationality.
Where those who are living have lost all vitality.
Limbless are some, some thoughtless too,
Never had a dream yet mine they walk through
Painting disbelief with their faces: I look to the sky
But my eyes are drawn to a castle at the end of my view-
Far off, far from the far out margins of mind.
      I walk with a beat, leaving the limbless behind,
I walk in his circle until it loses its point.
I fall, crawling around each and every wind.  
Until I feel time grabbing a hold of my knee joint.
I try and kick back- along the ground my teeth grind.
Then I break back untouched, but still trapped in my mind.  

I awake again, toothless and out-worn. A
broken spirit, hoping without it. Spinning madly.
Amidst my spin I see her arms, into watch I do fall gladly.
But being without time, I miss the perfect second.
And I awake again before the castle, its sombre music
somehow whispers as it calmly beacons.  
           Without wit or a winding tongue, I alone embark
up the hill as the songs grow louder in my head.
I pass a ‘laughing dead” as it rolls off into the night. Dark
is the blanket that descends on my plight. Its fed
by fear, but I have nothing but spite.
So I carry on alone, and with myself begin to fight.


“ I dare you to pass me. You’re a coward.
You’re a weak little druggy,  who’s ego empowers
him to believe that it is he who should belong at the top.
I’ll leave you to rot. Remove your mind from its shop.
I’m telling you stop. Turn round. And awake.
Or you can die here, while in sleep you but shake”
Dec 2014 · 370
What Fell With The Wall
C J Baxter Dec 2014
Im pulling the better version of myself
from out beneath the wreckage.
He was stuck in the wall until It fell
and crumbled with its message:

“ We-Dream-Till-Wake”

For years I’d stared at it knowing
it was bleak and dark presage.
I thought I knew, and knew too well,
so I never let my mind start guessing:

“ Maybe this is a lesson? Maybe a problem?”

But I just carried on through, stayed
true to myself with an honest belief
that within you and me was purpose,
and to my noisy head it gave some relief.

But at times I could hardly breathe;
This world can choke you against the wall,
It can crush you as you are forced to
hold its weight while in its circles you crawl,

And when you fall and your on your knees
and your beliefs are like bubbles popping,
And when your heart beats through your
chest like its building up to stopping,

And when your minds been abandoned
and your thoughts are left and rotting,
and every rush of blood feels thick
and visceral like its gone stuck and clotting,

Thats when that voice whispers in your
ear and quietly begins his plotting:

“  Let me take you from this fallen world
   and fall just that little bit further.
   Give in to sin, give in to deciet, give in to
   me- to be free is to be a server.
   You were not meant for truth or virtue,
   You were not meant to be a studious learner,
   You were meant to walk with chains.
   You were meant to accept this pain”

And I swear I started listening intently
to this charming and confident speaker.  
His words like a breeze breathing gently
through my busy head to make it weaker.  

I’d never lived in fear of life or in fear of the reaper
but I feared persisting, existing in this torment.  
My head often heats in a hopeless hollow fever
And I needed an escape, to obey and lay dormant

beneath her- My love and long lost reason,
my absolute zero in a world I couldn’t figure.
But I couldn’t even remember the soft curves
of her face, they would always twist and disfigure,

Her skin would slide off her bones, her eyes
would sink into her head to avoid my stare.
I was turning her lakes into pools of oil,
making twisted fantasies out of her every prayer.

I didn’t belong with her anymore, I was sick.
I couldn't turn moments int marvels for her,
I couldn’t find any beauty in our spinning,
All I could see was decay as we would blur,

All I could see were devils swimming in my
ageing reflections jaded and sad eyes.
All I could feel was myself slowly sinking,
All I could hear was my faiths dying drowned cries.

All I could smell was our peoples flesh burning,
and thats when I really started learning:

There is no Angel that will lift me from here,
Nor is there a devil thats dragging me down.
What pushes me under is my own fear,
Heaven and Hell are in between both my ears.  

So I spun myself ten times to be free’d
from the prison in which I had built the bars.
I rose from the soils of my love and land,
to smell freshly cut grass and gaze at stars,
Dec 2014 · 349
Na' Mean
C J Baxter Dec 2014
They say writing it down
won't help.
And it don't help to down
pints of it.
And it don't help to spin it
helplessly.

This self-help selfishness
don't help.
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