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3.2k · Jun 2013
the wilted flower
C Evelyn Jun 2013
disappointment.
small. sad.
i was ready.
i came prepared.
but this isn’t what i wanted
I sighed.  I giggled.
So you snapped.
and forced.
  and held.
    and choked.
“it won’t happen again”
meek.  weak.
you gruffed, and grunted.
and moaned.
and i was still.
lifeless.  on my back.
so i peered at the nightstand,
and your wilted flower.
1.8k · Jun 2013
artsy
C Evelyn Jun 2013
i
am
  so
   *******
    artsy
1.3k · Jun 2013
cheerios for a cat
C Evelyn Jun 2013
i can't stop
giving her
cheerios.
I put them on her black spots.
***** fur.  freshly licked clean.
like the oil spill in the gulf.

i've spoiled her with human food.
she lives better than most.
she's better than most.

now she digs in my food
claiming it as her own.
and with that tongue she licks her oil spills,

and my bowl.
1.3k · Jun 2013
alcoholic
C Evelyn Jun 2013
compulsive
uncontrolled
consumption.
I'm just coasting.

detrimental
addictive
dependence.
For when life brings trouble.

physical
mental
toxicity.
Watch me float away.

changes
structural
chemistry.
I have no struggle.

chronic
abuses
brain.
Just relax.
816 · Jun 2013
Self
C Evelyn Jun 2013
Self-hatred
self-loathing
dislike
prejudice
  against myself.
Shame.
Depression.
Guilt.
personal
self-injury.
Self-harm­.
anxiety
anger.
accidental
  self-death.
C Evelyn Jun 2013
She was floating.  Riding the current.  It was time that she did not back away from her hopes.  I always wished I could be her.  I lost all my hopes.  I lost all my dreams.  Under pressure, obsession with power and control, I couldn’t help but stare at her floating away.  Her auburn hair shined upon the teal murky water.  Like a fire, she caught my eye and led my way.  Now pressing my face against the cool window, I could see more clearly.  That pale white skin.  Not a blemish in sight.  No freckles, no moles, no little pesky bumps that have me running to the doctor for my hypochondriac flaws.  She looked so peaceful.  She looked so beautiful.  Through her soaked dress, her ******* were visible.   Like a modest Venus, her beauty was radiant, but not lustful.  She seemed so pure.  Like the porcelain dolls I was never able to play with.  As Christ was on the cross, her arms were spread apart, but her chaste legs were crossed.  I longed so badly to just touch her hand, to hold her hand.  To have her cool fingers hold mine, and tell me not to care.  I just wanted her to stroke my head with those porcelain hands, and to tell me everything was going to be all right.  I could hear her delicate voice, whispering to me in a hushed way, telling to jump.  Jump in. The water is so lovely.  Float with me.  Let everything go.  I want to.  I want to be with you.  Nothing would make me so happy.  Just let me be with you.  My body was now pressed onto the glass.  It was time for me to make a choice.  It was time for me to either stay, trapped here in this prison of a life I created, or to jump into the ocean and live my life.  My life was my own; it was not for anyone to dictate what I was to do with it.  I flew down the steps, gracefully.  Her porcelain qualities consumed me.  I was becoming her.  And as I reached the ocean, and began to strip, she was not there.  No one was there.  It was just I, standing in a wet slip, delirious and confused.
554 · Jun 2013
Untitled
C Evelyn Jun 2013
give it to me.
motionless and waiting.
you are my innocence lost:
you are what i truly want.

I’m motionless and waiting,
as the anticipation scares me.
You are what I truly want,
but I always want to flee.

The anticipation scared me,
so I ran away
constantly i wanted to flee
so let me follow my road.

so i ran away.
and tripped over cracked sidewalks.
this is the road I follow
of cigarette butts and powder.

Tripping over cracking sidewalks,
falling in a pile of scabs and mistakes
covered with cigarette butts and powder:
just blow and forget.

Falling into a pile of my scabs, and my mistakes
Just please give it to me.
Blowing to forget,
I am your innocence lost.
550 · Jun 2013
cigs
C Evelyn Jun 2013
jesus. *******. christ.
with h as his middle name.
i want a smoke.
i want to fill my lungs.
with something toxic.
something chronic.
i'll take lites.
i'll be healthy for once.
with these ******* lites.
and now i'll put anything in me.
any smoke.
fun.
cool factor.
popular.
isn't that what it's about.
no.
i quit.
but i want it.
i need it.
sentence fragments are all i have.
someone give me a cig
cigarette
***
biri
cubeb
gasper
puff
smoke.
holy ****. heaven.

— The End —