Head full,
Pencil still

Images flying,
Pen dazed

Whispers screaming,
Voice mute

Face strong,
Eyes tearing

Stories telling,
Books shut.

Beautiful Light,
why do you torture me
with your stunning Essence?

Your small towers
of scarlet,
of apricot,
of violet.

Your movements are a
completely different language to me.

The shadows you cast
flicker in the dimming light of hope.

I come to you
for warmth,
for strength,
for a smile.

The way you shine,
the way you glow,
the way you seem to fade
only to reappear.

Your smiles --
so strange,
so captivating,
so heartbreaking,
pull me closer --
pull me closer to
an unbearable pain.

The way you made me laugh --
so pure,
so innocent,
so lovely.

The way you said goodbye --
so casual,
so naive,
so sure.
Hoping, knowing,
we would meet again soon.

You captivate me,
you endanger me,
I thought you loved me?

My Beautiful Light,
why?
Why do you torture me
with your stunning Essence?

In the Light,
we hide.
In the Dark,
we shine.

Such strange creatures
we are
To hide from opportunity
for fear of failure,
To shine behind closed doors
for the feel of safety from gravity.

No matter how hard
we try
We can not hide the truth.

We hide in Light and
Shine in the Dark.
What strange, strange creatures
we are.

i am the girl
with questions in
her eyes

i am the girl
that question
lives

i am the girl
with untouched love on
her lips

i am the girl
that covers
her hips

i am the girl
with whispers in
her ears

i am the girl
that shouts but
no one hears

i am the girl
with a song in
her heart

i am the girl
in a play
with no part

i am the girl
with lyrics on
her breath

i am the girl
who is not afraid
of death

I was no more than a small girl,
When a cat wondered to my front porch step.
A cat with jet black fur and
eyes like melted chocolate --
He was mystifying, interieging,
and I wanted him for my own.

I saved enough money so that:
Everyday, I put food out for him.
Everyday, I brought him toys to play with.
Everyday, we could talk for hours --
All on my front porch step.

One day, my dark eyed beauty spotted another.
She gave him better food.
She gave him fancy toys.
She offered more attention.
One day, he didn't come to my front porch step.

He was not mine to keep, so
I could not demand him back.
That day my mother taught me something:
"If you love something, let it go.
If it comes back, it was meant to be."

But he never came back.
He left me alone,
Alone on my front porch step.

I learned that day that love is selfish.
It demanded that I exclude myself to all but one.
I learned that love is cruel.
It's a drug that we're all addicted to.
I cried, all alone on my front porch step.

I've tasted jealously before.
Jealousy for objects,
but never for a person.
It's a sickening taste,
and a nauseating smell,
but it fills me.
This jealously pools in my eyes
and rolls down my cheeks
in fat green drops.
And I can feel it -
bubbling angrily inside me.
It rises and falls like the tide
It churns and thrashes about
like a wave during a storm
or a wild beast -
it wants to be released onto her.
And the one thought that races through my mind:
HOW DARE SHE.
How Dare She..
how dare she...
As long as she is about,
my senses are nothing but useless.
Even when she is gone,
the thought of her angers a beast inside me.
And all I can think of is
*how
dare
she

On the day you were born,
Two Candles were it.
They were two very different towers:
One just a lump of discolored, black, wax,
The other a solid Construction of white.

Now it's your first day of school,
Two Candles burn.
They are still very different towers:
One a hill of black wax,
The other a Mountain of white.

High school rolls along,
Two Candles blaze on.
They are shifting, changing shapes:
One is a small house of blacks and brown,
The other is a Mansion of white wax.

Your wedding day has arrived,
Two Candles shine.
They are nearly the same hight:
One is a dandelion of black,
The other is a Sunflower of white.

The day has come to light new candles:
Two Candles for a new life.
They are with no similarity:
A puddle of black,
A Waterfall of white.

You watch their candles change:
Two Candles for your child.
They alter:
Growing black
Shrinking white.

And as you watch theirs, you loose track of your own.
Two Candles dying.
A Tower of black,
A mound of white.

You're on your death bed.
Two Candles flicker
Black grows strong with a red flame,
white shrinks with a small blue fire.

They lower you into Earth.
One Candle rages on.
Black - strong and tall as ever.
white is no longer.

They place your Candle
With the billions of others.
You name engraved in silver.
That's what you will be known for: a tower of black wax.