Carsyn Smith

Carsyn Smith Feb 2013

My greatest fear is
my greatest passion.
The one thing that keeps
me up at night is
the thing I wake up early for.

The thing that hides in
the darkness of my
closet and keeps me
from tranquility
is the one thing that gives me peace.

The cold water that
claws at my heart and
at my sanity
can also hold me
in a soothing silk.

This fear of being
cold.
Of being
alone
or
unknown
can be too much.

This fear of
falling.
Of
pain
or
drowning
makes me terrified.

This soothing silk
that can hold me dearly
can choke me,
deprive me of air,
and leave me
cold --

alone.

Carsyn Smith Feb 2013

CV

CV
The initials of a school
branded on my wrist.
CV
The token of my
very first performance
CV
Memories that will fade
just as the ink on my wrist.
CV
Memories that have been absorbed, --
stored -- into my skin just as the ink.
CV
Gone. Memories that are
just fuzzed images now.
Missing. A past that has
drowned in the ocean of Now.
CV
**CV

Carsyn Smith Feb 2013

Doodle

So bored.
So...
bored...
Doodle.
Except,
I can't doodle.
What to doodle?
How do people doodle?
How do they see images
on a blank piece of paper?
Well, it must be like how I hear
poems in ringing silence. Doodle.
So bored. So... bored... Doodle. Cat?
I can't draw cats. Dog? The best you'll
get is a stick figure. Horse? No way. Hearts?
Predictable. Doodle? So bored. So... bored... Doodle.

Carsyn Smith Feb 2013

The Exchange

The exchange happens
every year
every day
every hour.
Maybe the exchange happens
in the dead of night.
In the back ally of
some deserted block in
a busy city.
Mainly, the exchange happens
In broad day.
In flocks of chairs
that pack together in
one busy building.
The exchange is priceless,
so it is sold for free.
No, that's a lie--
You must offer your own--
sooner or later.
There is no due date
no interest
no penalties.
Whether you know it or not
you have taken part in the
exchange
every year
every day
every hour.

Carsyn Smith Feb 2013

I can't.

I can't trust anyone.
I can't hold someone close and
I can't love another.
But I want to.
Oh, how I want to trust you!
But I can't.
I can't explain,
Because I myself do not understand.

Carsyn Smith Jan 2013

These Are Feelings

These are feelings,

Are sensations,
that blight every sense.

They have become
a disease that has
stolen my clarity

And leaves me with
ringing ears. These are
temptations that are like
extra shots of dopamine

And have left me
disoriented.
I hunger leave from this --
this ache that has consumed me
and left me hollow as a husk.

Carsyn Smith Jan 2013

Freedom

soon
soon we
shall taste the
crisp air that will
fill our lungs and only
one word will leave our
cracked lips,
freedom.
And we shall
thrive again in
this living hell in
which we must endure!
Freedom I say! Freedom
From the horrors I have seen
And experienced!
Freedom.

Special thanks to my bestie: Caitlyn Benjamin <3 u!